We sign up on Monday. Can’t help but worry what’s next though.
We are going to start to move her in next Thursday.
We have been told there that there is a lot of financial help available, better than the council.
On sign up mum will be given a £50 voucher for B and Q. Moving costs are also available and discrepancy funds to help pay for the rent initially, also help with white goods.
(She has a fridge already but it will be too big)
I am so done with them at council. They have seriously screwed us over.
Wierdly it seemed like everyone was in on it. After I got the call, I called the case worker straight away and they said they knew what had happened. Was we the last to know.
Was everyone in this meeting?
They were being weird about awarding band A the first time, I don’t believe they wanted her on it, but they had me to deal with and nothing would have got past me.
I feel like we haven’t been listened to in regards to mums disabilities. No mention of mental health vulnerabilities whatsoever. Frankly, I also don’t believe an indepth discussion ever took place regarding mums health issues. There were more people that viewing than we were told about. Too many people trying to do their own thing, too many where we had no idea who they were or what they were doing it’s like we became abit of an exhibit. I recall that we only really spoke to 2 of them the OT and the Sheltered person. We briefly spoke more generally to another person but she just seemed to be as baffled as anyone.
It was hard because I go find it hard to focus on more than one thing at once outside the normal boundaries it sets my OCD going because I don’t have control in a sense.
If I don’t focus, it creates the what iffs. So have all these people around doing stuff did get me abit. Too have people around me doing different things pulling you in one direction then another, it’s hard to keep track. I can multitask fine if it’s normal everyday things, because I know I can stop at anytime or go back if needs be.
Now I wonder if I didn’t do something correctly. But on the other hand I know this is not my fault. They never had any inclination of giving her that property, why that viewing happened I don’t know.
I also know There is something wrong with mum but no one can put their finger on it. Sometimes you can meet someone, even though they are all there, there is something not right about them. With mum it’s probably autism or something. But I think social services forget that there must be a generation of people who have never had the formal diagnosis because people weren’t really aware of it many years ago. Even now people struggle. Back then people did not want neurodivergent children.
My mums siblings aside from one (severely brain damaged since birth) come across quite normal. Normal used loosely, because non of them (except for the oldest) are good people.
The trouble is it’s all to box ticky, they want you to say a word, PTSD, COPD, diabetes, arthritis you name it. But how do you put the words
“Well mum had a very difficult childhood due to being the youngest of five, only for the oldest to have children of her own the same age as my mum making the attention spread further. Only for that attention to be spread thin anyway, buy a horrible violent son and a severely disabled child, and another that’s a baby which is also poorly. (The child (mums niece) died when she was a couple of years old.)
Then there is the fact that mums mum was diagnosed with throat cancer when mum was 15, and mum was forced to give up education as none of the other family members (aside from the disabled one) wanted to know, and she was put in a position caring for the two. Meanwhile their dad was presently absent.
All the while mum always had difficulties with things, but no diagnoses was never sought. Now in adult life mum struggles with things, but because she has two (half) working legs and has capacity she can’t have anything wrong with her. She could try to get a diagnosis but everything is so hard and she doesn’t understand herself, so getting her to explain things that are normal to her, are impossible.
Nowadays because of her limited education she comes across as being abit simple and has lost out on a lot of skills which would be considered normal. Now aged nearly 58, you can’t teach her anything because her mind doesn’t grasp it. I’ve tried.
In a box. Unfortunately it’s too many words.
The fact they think she’s vulnerable speaks volumes. Personally I think some of the reason why she was told that is to do with victim blaming.
At present she has to have a 6 month period of showing that she can better manage her relationships to be considered for extra care again.
She was pushed to the floor by a violent ex-convict and had her arm fractured.
She also had some issues with a ‘friend’ who was pestering her for money for food. Only the money was not used for food. Mum knew this but she was afraid of what would happen if she stopped giving them it. They were an ex neighbour. My youngest sister used to play on the street with her daughters when they were little.
I called safeguarding in both cases. Now they think she was to blame for those relationships and they want her to show good behaviour. It’s been incident free for months.
According to them she had capacity to come away, I think otherwise, I think people who are this far gone will do anything to exploit people and it doesn’t matter what the victim does.
Also as I say it was these individuals, we lived in the same house 15 years incident free. The area is not short of people doing drugs openly, but mum hasn’t gone to them “hi, will you be my friends.”” Everyone who wanted to exploit her, had means and motive,
The regard people have for hidden disabilities is unreal.
I am trying not to be so upset about it and just be very practical, but now it’s late and I’ve stopped for the day, I can’t help but feel so ambivalent.
It’s a feeling of defeat, but relief. I should have felt upset when it happened earlier, I was at first. It was more anger. I was speaking to them and I just had enough. I just said “well thank you very much” and put the phone down.
Why I didn’t break at that moment I don’t know, something in me hatched a plan and we got sorted pretty quickly.
Im not saying we’ve been looking in the wrong area, we had already viewed this property but turned it down the grounds that mum was allocated this one with the council.
I’ve told mum not to burn bridges at this stage. I want to make a complaint now that we have had thought. The damage they have done is unbelievable. The fact that supposed sheltered properties are rife with crime, and the council don’t do anything, it should be brought to light.’
Almost want to do a Baby Reindeer and make a Netflix show about it.
. It doesn’t help you now, but I agree with Bowlingbun that this should be brought into a more public eye - I bet it’s not the only council area that has major flaws in their housing systems like this. I wonder how much time and money is wasted in total, for each person trying to get a new home? The whole system needs a major overhaul