Ongoing saga re Mum, housing & social care / Too many procedures!/ Extremely worried

Hi all,

So yesterday my mum was offered a proprety by a housing association. I applied on her behalf.

I told her last night, and now she is being very awkward about it. I will admit it’s a tiny bit out of her catchment area that she wants but we are talking minutes.

Technically she also would have the best of both worlds because she would be slap bang in the middle of two areas she frequently goes. One being the city centre, and the other being a famous main road with lots of shops.

She’s also complaining saying “it’s a bad area, and it has lots of bad people.” But I keep telling her that it happens to everywhere. This is a secure facility with lots of people her own age.

She’s also whinging about other people in the facility may not be as young as her. It angers me because she can’t decide what she wants.

She doesn’t want to be near bad people, well surely the best response is to move near older/disabled people.

She keeps saying she wants one place and one place only, however this place wants to do a reassessment next week and I don’t know if she will be allowed to stay on the list. (She should be, but this is social services we are dealing with). But she thinks because they are doing an assessment it means something will happen. It won’t she’ll just end up on the waiting list again for god knows how long.

I also think she’s getting peed off about the area, because it’s a further distance away from her local pub. She is literally going to make herself homeless just to show how dedicated to the pub she is.

I told her we can get a bus pass (we were checking her eligibility before all this happened).

There are no council property’s in this area, it’s all private rented and HMO,s. The houses are pre war so they are massive and landlords snapped them up. (My childhood best friend lived in one of them as she was from a big family). This is the nature of the whole area though, all the houses are massive and have been snapped up by landlords.

The facility is everything like the one she wants. Ironically the area it’s in is just as bad. Also think of it this way whilst the place she has been offered is at the end of one main road, this place is at the other.

I told her that if she just takes this one then we can move her again when a place at this facility comes available.

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That’s good - keep repeating this like a broken record. Once she is settled she’ll not want the hassle of moving again and left to her own devices won’t manage to apply, bid and move anyway.

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Hi all, sorry for another post. So I have just had a heated argument with my mum about housing and put the phone down on her.

She has been offered a property from a housing accosiation, a place in a sheltered living facility however she is being extremely funny about it saying it’s too far out of her comfort zone and she doesn’t like the area. She keeps saying how miserable she will be because it’s away from the pub and her friends so she will be isolated.

It’s literally two mins from where she is now.

She also came first for a bungalow, and is under offer however, there are a few logistical things, so it’s up to the OT to say if it’s suitable.

She said she would accept this, despite the fact that it is around the corner from the sheltered place above.

She is on the list for this other proprety in extra care but they want to do a reassessment next week, and there is no guarantee she will end up back on the list. We can appeal if not. The trouble is there is no house at the end of it, it’s just to go back on the list. However she somehow thinks there will be. She told me she has her heart set on it now and therefore she won’t change her mind.

She said she was willing to go for a viewing on this place but will only accept if extra care tell her when a property will come available. Like I haven’t been trying to find out this information for months.

We also know that another place in a sheltered facility that she wants has come available but it’s not available to bid yet. She said she would accept this if offered.

At the moment she is band b medical priority and once the homeless application goes through she has a high chance of gaining another band B in homelessness. The two will add together and go into Band A meaning she will be at the top of the list. There doesn’t seem to be many on Band A priority. The person at the allocations team said she’s coming up really high, and a band b may just inflate that on properties where she’s coming up second and third. I don’t know if I should wait it out.

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Hey coolcar98, if your mum is being funny for a place not that far from where she is now, then there something is going on with her. I would walk away from her if she is going to run ring’s around you over a place. I know it hard to accept but it your health comes 1st now, if she is not willing to play ball.

Coolcar, I think your mum’s behaviour over the new place just demonstrate her inability to think logically and rationally about anything. After all a place to call home is one of the most basic things in life. Maybe those involved are starting to realise this. Sometimes I’ve used the phrase “elderly toddler” here, but your mum is a middle aged toddler. You are being a loving caring daughter, to the detriment of your own life.


Literally. I agree. I’m trying to do what I can. I know if the right property comes along she would take it. At the last bid there was a bungalow on a street we used to live down. Mum said she would love that one- she came 4th. Hopefully when she’s band A something like this will come up again.

I’ve bid on something for her more as an experiment. Thus is something she definitely won’t want, however I can keep a track of the numbers and see where she ends up. It’s also a test to see what council sheltered accommodation facilities come up as. She’s currently first, but I will pull it before bidding ends.

Hopefully that place mum mentioned will come up. It seems to be the case that bungalows are more in demand than actual facilities. She would prefer a facility.

I also had another therapy appointment today and it’s all just a massive eye opener really.

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Coolcar how long until your Mum is homeless?

There are no perfect properties - buying/renting/social housing/sheltered housing - it has to be best fit. It’s necessary to prioritise and compromise.

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2 posts were split to a new topic: Mum is being awkward about another property

I’m so pleased the therapy is helping.

Hi all, so I recieved a phone call on Friday relating to my mum coming first for a bungalow. The only problem is the Bungalow is not adapted, however it is considered Sheltered Accomodation.

The allocations team told us that it will now be passed on to the Occupational Therapists who will do checks to see if it is fit for her disability.

The main issue is that the property has a bath and not a shower which is what is needed. (I had the OT report changed from a wet room to a shower only as I felt a shower would be easier for mum has her only issues relate to bending knees, she is not wheelchair bound. With a shower she would be able to step out to use a chair if needed.

I have just recieved a call from the Occupational Therapists and the ball is now in their court. They told me it could take weeks to get an Occupational Therapist to go around and checked. Other bungalows in the area are adapted so it’s very likely, however we were told adaptations could take up to “”THREE YEARS”. A plumber could install a shower in a couple of days.

I asked if they could do interim adaptations such as a shower head above the bath and handle bars around the room but they didn’t know.

We now have to wait weeks for this, it’s a nightmare. I don’t want to sound entitled but why that long. They said they would speak to a manager too see if it can be brought forward.

In other news, I have heard that once the homeless application goes through they are most likely to award her Band B homelessness. She already has a band B medical priority and therefore they would add together to make a Band A. Once again the trouble is time scales.

Again, I don’t want to sound entitled, but surely there should be different lists for people who submit housing applications. Mum isn’t a woman with children who needs a house, she just needs an adapted property so I don’t see why they can’t allocate according to need.

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Hey @Coolcar98, at least there is something happening. I know there are too many procedures, I am going through the same thing as well waiting for some sort of action but it that red tape. A good prime example of this outside the care sector was during the Korean war where everytime, the UN side suggested something like the colour of pencil used the communists would object and find several silly reasons to drag it out. Normally the OTs are quick with some sort of a response, it just the admin side of it take it time.

The bath won’t be a problem if mum has a special bath seat. My own mum was very disabled, she had a “Archimedes” bath seat and had a bath every day using it.

Interesting, this could be a great shout. Thank you.

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Just worried about another issue. Probs OCD symptoms getting the worse of me again. They are hammering me lately, I’ve been keeping a diary for the therapist.

Mum just mentioned to me that last time she had a pre tenancy interview they mentioned that they needed landlord reference checks.

Mum previously needed them for the extra care assessment in 2022 and they came back extremely fine.

Mum has never been in any rent arrears, only once by about a week just after dad died. Mum was on legacy benefits and had to reapply for universal credit. The landlord understood the situation and gave us the time needed, money was paid as soon as possible and a new agreement was made. No rent arrears at all in 15 years. House is in fairly good nick if not a little old and a few wear and tear.

No structural problems apart from a few tiles which were damaged and abit of damp in the bathroom. Crumbling old dry plaster on wall in my room meant the wallpaper came away slightly, but nothing drastic. Cobwebs on ceiling of upstairs bit, I’m too small to reach them and hate ladders, and mum is too disabled. Sister is partially sighted so cannot use ladders.

Googled this extensively,a website says that the landlord can put if they had to serve an eviction. Obviously mum has been served a section 21 but for no reasoning.

Our only reasoning is that the rent is dirt cheap only £390 and in the current climate it could get at least 50 percent more. Even one bed flats in the area are £200 more.

I’m worried that they will say something about this and hinder mums ability to be housed. No fault evictions should not be allowed!!!

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I think the key words in what you have written are “had to” evict someone. He has surely chosen to evict mum because of greed? According to my son’s letting agency lots of the people on their books move houses regularly, just because they can. M has been in the same flat for 15 years, and in that time the flat upstairs has had at least 5 different tenants, and a lot of redecoration has been done between each of them! So mum’s landlord has been lucky having the same tenant for such a long time! I doubt that the current landlord would make any adverse comments.

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I wouldn’t say greed really. I believe the property was bought a few years back so it could be a case of mortgages going up.

£390 is what I pay for my room only streets away so she’s been on a good thing for a while. Flats by the same letting agents say around £500 for a one bed in the area and that’s down much worse streets.

So I think it would be reasonable to assume this is the case as why else would they do it. Mum is a secure tenant with no issues for the past 15 years.

Either that or I can’t prove it, but they could be saying that they don’t want her anymore for x number of reasons.

No fault evictions are discriminatory in the sense that they allow a landlord to evict someone for no reason. I do not believe that they would evict a well paying tenant and risk getting some family who don’t pay. I believe that they pretend that it’s a non fault meanwhile there is an agenda behind it. There’s always a reason regardless, it’s just whether it’s allowed to be disclosed.

The trouble is I am concerned how this no fault eviction notice could show up on a landlord reference check.

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Mum is continuing to be annoying.

The sheltered place has now gone because I told them she wasn’t interested due to its location.

She has also been offered a bungalow by the council, it’s currently having some repair work done. So we don’t know quite when it will be available. But it’s hers.

We’re allowed to continue to bid otherwise.

Also had the reassessment for the sheltered accommodation yesterday and I had to really fight for her. They agreed to let her stay on the waiting list and said they will reassess in 6 months to show that she’s had a period of stability. Nothing will come up in six months.

I’ve just spoken to her about it, and she keeps saying “I’ve got my heart set on it now, so I really want it.’

She’s saying by taking this property she will be away from people. It’s a two min bus ride away.

I was told a certain property will come available on the budding tonight, but it depends if she comes first.

I’ve had enough with her now.

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@Coolcar98 it is crunch time, and you got to give her a ultimatum that you can’t keep wasting time to try and find places for her if she say it because she he away from people. Find out what work is going on with that bungalow and see if you can visit it and see if it meets her needs. Best of luck.


How long is it until your Mum is homeless?

She really needs to accept something that is available.

Does she want to end up in temporary accommodation ie a B&B?!!

Have you applied for an advocate for her yet? One would take the pressure of you.


I’m also concerned about the stress this is heaping on you. Has mum always been a ditherer? This really is Crunch Time but she seems to be trying to ignore it in the hope it will go away? Is there anyone else close to mum who can stress this to her?