I’m not in a good place my dad has been in hospital for 6 weeks had an argument with my brother as he hasn’t been down much and now just found out that my dads cancer has spread I’m heartbroken 
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Sorry to hear that. Sending hugs. 
oh @Nikki_Anne I’m so sorry to hear this. Be kind to yourself this evening and don’t worry about the arguement with your brother… it’s natural that you feel disappointed that he hasn’t been around and it doesn’t sound like he is able to support you…Is there anyone else in your life or in your work you could reach out to talk to? It’s so hard when the people we love and care about ill and in hospital. Sending you love and light. 
Hi @Nikki_Anne I know exactly where you are right now. I had similar issues with my brother some years back. He only ever got in touch with our parents when it was convenient and suited him. They got very upset and when I tried to talk to him about it he told me to s*d off and go… (do other things…!) He cut himself off from the family yet expected us to always consider him and his various wives (he had four that we were aware of over the years) when he never communicated with us! That meant WE were always in the wrong.
I can only suggest you try to put the argument behind you and get on with what YOU do for Dad. Don’t let him drain your emotional energy because of his inadequacies. He is losing out by not being with Dad as much as you.
I know that also means YOU have to deal with the emotional side of Dad’s illness so don’t forget to try to make time for yourself. Do you have any other support? Are the hospital offering you support? Are you in touch with McMillan for example? It’s with contacting them as they are experts in helping in situations like yours and can talk to you with understanding and provide practical help as well as advice.
Don’t argue with brother about how long he’s been or hasn’t been to see dad. It’s a pointless waste of energy. (I was in the same situation regarding mum a few years ago, brothers didn’t visit but soon demanded their cut of her money when she died!)
If they don’t visit they don’t get a say in what happens from now on. Do you have Power of Attorney? This must be your top priority now. It can be signed in hospital. Mum’s was.
It will be really helpful to where you go from here if you know how advanced the cancer is, if there is any treatment, and how long he has left. I too have had cancer.
Then think about what dad needs, and wants, and what is realistic.
Don’t put off these questions, it’s better to know and plan as much as you can, to avoid any sudden changes or shocks. There are lots of us here who have supported parents, just ask us whatever you want to know, what worked, what didn’t, benefits. If we don’t know the answer between us, we will know who can.
I know it’s difficult, but you must look after yourself.
I’ve got support from close friends which is good xx
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Thanks I know it’s emotionally draining I know that I have 100% done my best for my dad and just want what’s the best for him know that he is ill I’ve got lots of support for family and friends xxx
Thanks it’s emotionally drained me today arguing with my brother I know just want what’s best for my dad and hopefully we will get all the support he needs it’s good to know that there are people on here who I can turn too I have lots of support from my family and friends xxx
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I cannot add to the advice but would you consider contacting Marie Curie or McMillan for support? I agree with BB you MUST take care of yourself. You obviously love your father deeply and it bound to be a very difficult time. Are the hospital communicating with you and giving you an idea of the prognosis? Can only send cyber hugs. I am glad you have good friends and the Forum is very good and you will get support so please reach out.
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So sorry to hear this, sending a big hug
Can I ask what the argument was about?
@selinakylie thanks for the reply and can I get support for myself from Marie Curie and McMillan how will I find out we don’t know where my dad is going yet whether he is going into a nursing home or hospice xx
When my dad was dying of prostate cancer, the helpline were amazing whereas the G P wouldn’t talk to me at all! Mum was seriously disabled and I needed time to think how I would manage everything. When my son had learning difficulties and I was disabled. Just give them a ring and explain the situation. They will help and support you, tell you what to ask the hospital, etc.
@Nikki_Anne I think both charities support the relatives of patients with cancer. It is well worth a phone call. When a friend had cancer, she had a ‘friend’ from the organisation, who went to appointments with her if a friend could not take her. Give it a go. They may be able to signpost you to morel local support? I think they also have a Forum and that may be worth looking at. I am sure there are many in your position. Take care of yourself today. x
On the subject of a hospice, our local hospice had an outreach service and a day hospital. Amazing service. They also support the carers. If there is one near you, give them a ring and start by saying something like “Can you give me some advice, I don’t know if you can help….” Each hospice is independent, so I can’t say what is available for sure. Dad was only in there for a week, they were experts in pain relief.
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