My dad was admitted to hospital a few days ago via an ambulance. He is 86 and has pancreatitis and has had a heart attack. I saw him yesterday and he is refusing his medication and pressing the doctor when he can come home. He was admitted two years ago and was in hospital for 6 weeks and then 6 weeks rehab. I think he is worried he will be in for a long time.
I have been caring for him as best I can, I live about 20 mins away, I have realised that I cant care for him anymore .I dont have good vision in my left eye and need to care for my husband and son. (long story) I was claiming carers allowance but have cancelled that. I am scared he will tell medical staff I am caring for him and he will be discharged without any proper care. He is showing signs of dementia although doesnt have diagnosis.
I have a sister who is abusive towards me and doesn`t want my dad to go into care as she wants the money from his house when he dies(he owns his own house and has 50k in savings.). She has said I want my dad to die and that I am unkind towards him.
Sorry for the essay. I was thinking of writing a letter to the hospital to go onto his notes. I am scared of my sister,
No one can be forced to care, not even a wife for a husband. We all have a breaking point, I’ve met mine. Write to the hospital, send it Recorded Delivery. It may be a battle, I certainly had one when mum was clearly too ill to manage alone when she couldn’t even roll over in bed. You will get lots of support here. One our main site you will find the rules that hospitals should be following about discharges, which may help.
Thank you so much BB.
Felicity I agree with Bowlingbun. Your Dad and sister can’t force you to care.
If your sister wants to protect her share of the inheritance then SHE can move closer and care for him and find out how tough it is.
You do need to let the hospital, his GP, the social worker etc know you are no longer able to provide care despite what your Dad is saying.
Thank you Melly. . I will write some letters today. I have tried talking to her but it is no good.
@Felicity You MUST write to the hospital and say that you are not going to care for your father. It sounds as if you have more than enough on your plate. Elderly people are mega selfish. I agree to send recorded delivery. Hospitals often need the beds, so it is important they realise that you are NOT going to step in and that they have a Duty of Care to your father.
If dad has 50k in the bank has he given you anything for the care you give? Has it ever occurred to you that by caring for him for free, your sister will benefit from, despite doing nothing??? He can afford to pay for good local care to support him at home. He has no right to enslave you.
My mum died when she was 51. My dad has been on his own since then and used to doing things his own way. Dont know if he is autistic and dont know now whether he has dementia. He sees me as a service provider rather than his daughter. He tells me I give good service. I have never been emotionally close to him, altho I have tried hard to me. He thinks my sister is worse off financially so tried to change his will to give her all the estate but the man writing the will said he couldnt do that. If I told my dad I was depressed he would tell me Im not. He has never been able to understand other people have problems, not just him…
Thank you Bowling Bun and everyone who has replied. Sorry if I have ranted. This forum is so important, Thank you all from the bottom of my heart,
No need to apologise. I think most of us here have found the forum when something must change!