Mum may have got herself arrested

Unfortunately, further to my post earlier we have had the news that mum may have been taken into police custody.

I’m very worried really, but this goes to show just how bad her behaviour is getting. Then again, I think she is too vulnerable to know the crimes she is committing. Not that it’s an excuse. I’ve not heard anything as her next of kin though. I would have thought she would have wanted to contact someone.

Her abusive ex may have done something. He’s abit crazy. Then again mum was warned. He was also threatening to harm his ex partners children with a car.

Mum is abit of a Facebooker, and like many doesn’t understand the etiquette or the dangers of it. However taking her away would be impossible and wrong. Looking through her profile all she did was share his name on her profile his name and what he did to her. I.e pushed her to the ground and fractured her arm. The guy is known to the police and has been arrested for violence against women multiple times. However I know this can be taken as harassment.

There is no way of finding out if she is there. All we have to go off is that she hasn’t been online and isn’t answering her phone. That guy also told someone that the police said she had been taken.

This is the sort of thing she is vulnerable to, and is why my job as a carer is too complex. I’m hardly doing abit of tidying, it’s dealing with police, abusive men and whatever else.

It’s these sort of things she is vulnerable to. She looks for companionship in the wrong places and ends up being the victim of someone.

I’m going to have to make some calls to her social worker tomorrow.

Hugs. That complicates things.

I just can’t keep doing this. This is not what a carer should be. I’m due to move out Tuesday, and my sisters are both crying to me.

Mum is too much and she is too vulnerable yet to chaotic to help properly.


I used to work for the police in Control Room years ago. It is possible to make a call tot hem and say you have a ‘Concern for Welfare’. They should check their Logs and see if anyone has been to her address and that should give THEM a lead. If she was arrested then the Log would show it and where she was taken and who was dealing with the matter. They may not tell you much but should say something like ‘we are aware of a situation and you do not need to worry’. Thats what we had to do which was saying ‘we know about her and every thing is OK’ without breaching that lovely Data Protection Act.
Not a lot of help, I know, but I hope you manage to get some sleep/rest.

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I’m just really scared

Thanks. If she is considered vulnerable would they alert her social worker. I’m very worried. This guy has harmed her, and I think she was reaching out for safety with these posts. I agree it’s harassment, but the posts are vague. She has only shared his picture and said it’s him that hurt me.

It does seem like you have genuine reasons for concern. You should either call police or the Emergency Duty Team at Social Services to alert them to your concerns, the THEY can deal with the matter.

They may not call her Social Worker but more likely EDT if she has been taken into custody.

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So. Mum has got herself arrested, her abusive ex partner reported her for crimes she never committed in a malicious attack. The police put her in cells and badly man-handled her even though she is considered vulnerable. Its discusting. Mum even had a case out against him when he fractured her arm, no one took that into account.

The guy accused her of strangling him. Don’t know how she is meant to do that with her arm in a sling. She cant even dress herself properly at the moment. However, the police still accused her of it. She was in pain and they still man-handled her.

The guy is known for domestic violence against women and has served prison time multiple times. He only recently threatened to run over his ex’s children ‘while they cowered.’ I have the messages to prove it. Once again the police are soft.

He clearly reported her in a malicious attack. He then contacted my cousin the one who was bullying me and my sisters yesterday for not controlling mums behaviour and taking responsibility for her.

I have so far contacted mums social worker and the safeguarding team urgently but no one has done anything. No one has even called back despite it being urgent.

This guy is dangerous, but it seems like he knows the system so as long as he continues to counter crime my mum then he will get away with it. He has done this because mum got him on a GBH charge.

I have also contacted the extra care team to see if mum can be bumped up the list since she is unsafe in her property from this man. Apparently she isn’t on the list yet, and yet another damn assessment needs to be done to determine her eligibility. Its a bloody joke.

It sounds like your Mum was very frightened (understandably.) You must be very worried too. I hope she is able to calm down and talk to the police and that the social worker advocates for her. All of this proves how vulnerable she is and how much support she needs.

There is a scheme for appropriate adult support for vulnerable people who find themselves in dealings with the police

Make sure the police are aware of her need for one and forward the information to the social worker and the safeguarding team.

Thank you I agree. She is already very scared about this man and him harassing her. I can’t say what happened when she was arrested and taken into cells because I don’t know, however I can only say how I think she may react.

I know she would have been very frightened and her fight or flight response would have kicked in. She would have resisted however only in a minor way. I think this would have been out of confusion and fear. She would have tried to get out of it, but again confusion. She struggles with rational thinking. However I know that she hasn’t really done anything to the guy.

I am extremely annoyed that they took it to such matters and the police have clearly not looked into the man’s history of violence. They also have not corresponded to his allegations appropriately. Apparently the guy called the police on her whilst she was in cells to say that she was outside his home harassing her.

They also failed to acknowledge how a disabled woman with a fractured arm was meant to strangle him.

I have still not had a call back from the safeguarding team though it was flagged as urgent.

Mum has also told me he was done for GBH hence his retaliation. She has also told me that he nearly crashed his car whilst she was with him twice, he put a weapon to her head. He actually strangled her. He also reported her actions to mums family, and they are bullying her and her children as opposed to him.

I thought you had moved out a while ago.
You need to leave this awful mess to the Police and Social Services to sort out. It’s obvious that mum is mentally in a mess and now needs to go right to the top of the list for social housing or residential care, for her own wellbeing and safety.

Oh. I did move out of my mums home ages ago.

I am just moving out of my partners family home tomorrow. Its complicated. My partner is coming with me down the line.

I agree, I finally spoke to the social worker not so long ago. She too is seriously concerned. I asked her to contact extra care and ask for additional statements to be added to mums assessment for this housing on the grounds that mum is considered at risk of exploitation.


Coolcar, sounds like your Mum was safer in custody over night where the mad ex couldn’t get to her. Good that you have finally spoken to the social worker. Good call re

I asked her to contact extra care and ask for additional statements to be added to mums assessment for this housing on the grounds that mum is considered at risk of exploitation.

Yes I agree. I am extremely angry over the police’s handling of the situation it goes beyond reasoning. It’s become just another battle when it comes to getting help for mum.

From what I gather the police didn’t even check to see if mum had a social worker. I had to explain the situation to the social worker myself. The social worker said the exact same.

“How can she strangle someone with a fractured arm?”

The guy also apparently said mum was outside his house when she was in a police cell.

It’s disgusting. I rang extra care myself but it seems like mums social worker will have to add the additional changes. I have asked her and she said she will.

The social worker also said it was a good shout when I suggested adding the risk of exploitation thing. The fact that this guy is making stuff up and she’s getting into bother makes her situation unsafe.

I’m just really fed up of dealing with all this. I don’t feel like a carer, this is not the responsibility of a carer.

I’m already facing so many struggles in my own life too, but I’m fed up of doing peoples job for them.

Tonight is my last night at my partners parents house. Me and him aren’t splitting up, but I will be going to a shared house. I don’t really want to go. I don’t like the new place really, and I’m scared. But I have no choice. Down the line my partner will come with me but he has to help his mum for the time being with certain things. He wants to come with me though.

Though we’re not splitting up, I am heartbroken. I can’t stop crying.

This is why I can’t care anymore nor provide the level of care she needs it’s too much.

Let the tears flow, in private. Sometimes it’s really important to let all that pent up emotion out. You have had far too much happen to you, for years. It’s OK.

Thanks. Everytime I look at him the tears just flow. I’m fed up of things being so difficult.

Everything just seems so far away and it feels like every step forward is another step created. That’s what it’s like getting help for mum. She had her assessment and now there is more before she gets on the waiting list. Then there is the waiting list itself.

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I’m just fed up of having to be the strong rational one all the time. I’m fed up of working hard to blow one candle out to have another 20 light up. It’s a constant battle.

I’ve had enough of feeling like crap, I’ve had enough of not knowing what to expect next. Mum says we don’t think about her, but in reality we’re all scared to do anything because of her.

I’m fed up of being told I don’t try hard enough. I’m fed up of hearing that I am not good enough. I am starting to believe it all.

I’m fed up of myself, I’m under therapy but I can never cry. Instead in person, I become more confident when speaking to a therapist because I feel like I have to put on a show. I’m also not able to cry to anyone when dealing with mum, because my damn brain won’t let me.

Right now I just want a normal uneventful life.

Coolcar, you are on the road to achieving this. I know it feels like this period is lasting for ever but it will end.

Think how far you have come - you moved out. You have set the wheels of social care in motion. Your Mum is on the housing list. You still have your job and are in a relationship with your boyfriend and you are about to move into a shared house.

You have done an amazing job to get this far.

You can do this.

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Any update OP. You are in my prayers

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