Please help. Mum is rampaging and is getting very violent, the police won’t do anything. Social services are saying it’s not their problem. Safeguarding are saying the same. I fear she is going to really hurt someone. She is going too far.
I don’t know what to do. I am scared for my own safety and my sister. I don’t know what to do.
Please listen to me. Your mom really needs to be admitted to a mental health hospital where they have (hopefully) the right set of skills and personality in order to deal with her. Good luck.
I have called the police, but is not of their concern apparently. I have also called for another ambulance but apparently I’m going to get a call before they send an ambulance out.
Mum is going hysterical, she’s really going for my sister. She keeps saying that she killed my dad. She has resorted to going to peoples houses and asking for them to beat my sister up.
Hugs. Please do something about her now before someone dies.
I don’t know what to do, I have called who I can. I’m just waiting.
Coolcar,
What a nightmare.
Your number 1 priority is to keep yourself and your sister safe. Are you both together? Keep your doors and windows locked and curtains closed.
Whilst you await the ambulance service to ring you back, you could contact the social services emergency out of hours number or your Mum’s GP out of hours number or 111.
If your Mum rings you or comes round and starts making a scene record her if you can.
If she comes round demanding to come in then you/ your sister should ring the police again.
Please let us know how things go.
Hi, we don’t think the ambulance ever came. They rang me back and just said that they would contact the crisis team instead and would try to make contact with mum to make this happen. I don’t know if they did. Mum has an habit of avoiding calls.
She needed an ambulance and taking for her own safety after making those threats last night. She was going psycho, and saying that my sister killed my dad because she had covid at the time he died. She was going round to peoples houses (mainly local drug addicts) knowing they were dangerous and asking them to do this to my sister asking to beat her within an inch of her life. My sisters friend stepped in because she knew one of them and said it’s not her doing this and they backed away. The drug addicts are now targeting mum because she involved them.
If anyone wonders where the drug addicts thing came from, they live around the corner from mum. It’s kind of known what they do, though it is wrong everyone just leaves them alone. Mum just wanted to use them for her sick games.
Mum is seriously playing with fire. She was screaming that my sister “murdered her husband and robbed her of a life with him. ” She was saying that my sister deserves to be severely punished for her actions and wants her dead. He died of complications related to cancer, not covid. Even the hospital said that. As for nightclubs there was none open at the rule and the only place we would have gone was the shop, but even then my car was in the garage because it just had its MOT.
Mum never mentions the fact that she went to see her sister though. The woman “who wouldn’t wear a mask, because it was against a human right.” The woman who thinks covid was a conspiracy to stop her and only her from going in certain shops. The woman who can’t go to Asda without calling the police because the shop had the audacity to charge her. I’m not kidding.
The aunt can’t resist a good fight like this, and she rpd her own severely disabled sister who is now in a care home, and she can’t know where she is. The woman has threatened her supporting staff saying she will target their kids and hurt them for “taking the money away” that she got for caring for the person. This is all true.
The aunt is now wanting to attack us too because she wants our money. Apparently she is entitled to it. The money we have is only from working, nothing else. But she keeps saying “it is people with jobs who are taking money away from people like her.” She is obviously adding to this, we know what she is like for revving mum up.
She is blaming my sister because she occasionally goes to a nightclub and my mum doesn’t approve since it’s “not what girls do, and she is only asking for trouble and to be rpd.” Before my sister got spiked and mum attended the hospital and beat her in front of the security guards so she got kicked out. Funny how mum goes to a local pub and has met two men, both of which she has entered a DA relationship with but that is okay.
She has been getting progressively worse over the weekend and I have made numerous calls to social services, safeguarding, mental health services, police, ambulances. I have told them all it’s escalating and getting worse, she is rampaging not one person has done anything.
I literally screamed at a social worker this afternoon. I’m not usually like that; but I told her if anything happens “it’s on you.” They just kept saying it is not their problem and that they need consent. I told them if anyone gets hurt it is also on them.
I’ve rang for an ambulance twice today the first time they said they were too busy to attend. Of course they were we live in the worst affected area for ambulances in the U.K. The second time the call handler said that I would receive a call within two hours to see what is needed. I got the call as mentioned and they said they would just make contact instead.
I already called 111 over the weekend to say mum was making threats to harm herself.
Why is no one doing anything? I have warned them multiple times. I am scared for my safety as is my sister. Even then mum is making herself a target of some very bad people by pursuing this rampage. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.
I realise you feel your mother needs to be sectioned for her own safety. I know from my own experience, how difficult this can be. My own GP told me back in 2013, that it all came down to money and lack of beds and although he agreed my husband did need sectioning, he was worried that the Mental Health Team would not support this and it could make things even worse for me. He was totally right and this is why he is still my GP, although my husband moved to another Surgery. (my husband has an undiagnosed brain heamatoma building up at the time).
I totally agree you HAVE to put your safety and that of your sister first. It would appear that MH services only actually act when a tragedy has happened or is about to happen. They do not seem very active in diverting these potential events. I think you HAVE to disengage for your own sanity and wellbeing. Is it worth phoning MIND and seeing if they have access to free legal advice? I would write a letter detailing your concerns and send it to various people special delivery - her GP, MH, Social Worker and maybe a copy to MIND legal services? Then you will have covered yourself and if anything happens will have nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about.
A couple of weeks ago, I and probably others were very worried about your mental wellbeing . You pulled yourself through . I admire your compassion but PLEASE do not let your mother and her behaviour drag you back into a very dark place again. Your first responsibility is to yourself.
Thank you for your concern and listening to me. I have written a million letters over the last two years. The trouble is it feels like I am facing a legal battle rather than actually making steps to get my mum support. It’s always a legal battle over capacity.
The first time I called social yesterday I responded to mums complaints about her fiancés and stuff that had happened over the weekend. The social worker responded by saying she will ask for a financial capacity assessment, yes great can they just do it for everything else.
However everything else is difficult. I am scared I have thought tirelessly to get her what she wants and get a place on the list for that housing. She is so close but she needs to stop acting like psycho.
Today my mum is still saying that she has a desire to see my sister hurt, but no one will do anything. Last night she went around to those drug addicts house and told them that it was my sister who told her. She told them she wanted them to beat her up for it. Obviously they didn’t and the DAs have now turned on her. They threatened her. Now because they are threatening her, mum is going crazy saying it is my sisters fault she is putting her at danger.
My sister does not even speak to these people nor does she know them. She is doing this because she wants to cause violence.
She really has it out for my sister and wants to see her hurt, but no one is doing anything there are clear motives.
I am extremely scared. I don’t know what to do. I think someone is going to get hurt, but no one is doing anything. Someone is going to end up dead or seriously injured. I’m constantly ringing people but no one seems interested.
She does need sectioning, but how do you section someone if an ambulance is too busy to turn up, the police say it’s not their problem. The crisis team said the police had a duty of care, but the police are saying they don’t.
She is a danger and she is going to hurt someone.
The police won’t take the threats seriously because they haven’t been said in person. However like I say mum has made actions to create violence meaning she is seeking revenge.
I want to run away somewhere safe. I don’t feel safe. I am scared. I am scared I won’t have a sister soon.
I need help, I need it now. I don’t know what to do. No one is answering their phone I’m calling the mental health services I’ve left 10 voice mails today to get them to answer and they haven’t.
Mum is threatening my sister now even more. I have called social services but they said they can’t do anything because their systems are down. Pathetic excuse.
I’m scared. Everyone is saying the phone lines are down for the whole of the area. No one can contact anyone, it’s widespread across the nhs, social services. Mum is rampaging.
Take your belongings and flee with your sister to a hostel.
Hello @Coolcar98 - thanks for continuing to share how you have been feeling about your mum’s behaviour in recent days.
You are clearly doing everything you can to alert your local safeguarding and emergency services to your mum’s behaviour and we are sorry to hear that your concerns are not being taken seriously.
If you and your sister are concerned that you may be harmed by your mum you should try to go to a place of safety as soon as you can.
We can make a referral to your local safeguarding team on your behalf, but would need you to send us some specific information via email or direct message to enable us to do this. We will send you a direct message with all the information that you need to provide if you would like us to do this.
Wishing you and your sister well
Michael
Hi. I have spoken to mum today and there seems to be two things going on here, in all I think mum is being exploited here. The behaviour mum is displaying is not normal.
Sorry tonight I am suffering with the most blistering headache, I can’t think straight. I have taken medication, had food (threw it back up again) I feel faint. I am just at a loss for what to do. I’m sorry if my spelling and grammar isn’t great. My head is hurting so bad.
When I spoke to mum it was odd, she was distressed but positive in someways. She told me that she had spoken to the carers today and had accepted the package. Apparently she really got on with the care coordinators. She said to me that the care package would involve taking her out for the day, and she wanted that. She sounded almost excited. It was odd that is not the mum I’ve been hearing about all weekend.
However she also told me she was extremely distressed over the situation with a man whom she entered a DA relationship with. The man has threatened to petrol bomb her house, and seriously harm her. She has told the police but he has countered those arguments and mum got arrested a couple weeks ago and is now on bail. The police keep saying they won’t do anything about the threats because she is on bail. She is getting extremely jumpy and defensive over this and maybe the reason why she is acting like she is.
She also said that she had been to see a doctor who said that she may have PTSD which probably makes sense. God knows what they are doing on that front.
However, there is another major issue that no one ever suspects, although everyone expects it at the same time. My aunt. My aunt is a sociopath and I could write forever about the things she has done. She has killed our pets because she didn’t like the attention they got. She is also known to social services for abusing her other sister who is now in a care home. It is believed by the rest of the family that she put her own dad to an early grave by bullying him which led to a heart attack. This is not the first time she has abused a family member.
Mum continued to send nasty messages to my sister. Only a lot of the comments were wierd. A lot of them were very strong allegations that had no sustance and didn’t sound like my mum talking. The aunt is known for calling the police on anyone including people in shops who charge her for her shopping. She can’t get on a bus without causing a scene. A lot of the comments were silly claiming my sister stole from my aunts house (my aunt lives in filth with mould piled high). The aunt has always hated us and we genuinely believe that mum is being exploited by her.
My sister is distressed I’m distressed mum is distressed, the only person who isn’t is my aunt she seems to be loving it.
My sister is also severely depressed now over the strong allegations.
I’m expecting a call back from the safeguarding team soon. But in the meantime I am going to try and get some sleep mg head is so fuzzy.
Hi, so my headache has gone now. I have managed to sleep it off, although I am up earlier than normal confused what my next steps are.
The police want to do a statement with my sister tomorrow, she said she doesn’t know if she wants to go. Mum has really hurt her. But at the same time she never wants to speak to her again for what she said, I don’t blame her. My mum called my sister a killer. We’re still grieving my dad and those comments hurt. However, those comments are not normal, why after two years is she saying those words now? Mum is not a smart person at all, those words sound like they are coming from someone else and I strongly believe that.
I called safeguarding last night and they said they would give me a call back within a couple of hours, they never did. So I will be calling them again tomorrow. Trying to get help Is impossible.
I’ve literally screamed down the phone At multiple services, a lot of them were unwilling to help yesterday because “there phone lines were down” I told them it is not good enough and I wanted to speak to someone now. I know I sounded entitled at that point, but they shouldn’t be ignoring an emergency they have a duty of care. At the end of the day If someone is at risk, they should be assisting. I think right now mum is extremely vulnerable and if anything happens to her they will be held responsible.
I am very worried, when I do speak to mum she goes on about her ex and the stuff he did to her. Apparently, he is sending her messages that he will petrol bomb her house and murder her. He is also constantly calling the police on her. He is constantly messaging her friends and other family members with lies about what she has done turning family on her. (This is why I am getting calls from cousins at midnight) He attacked her fracturing her arm and he got away with it. He marked his skin so the police would believe him. He has multiple convictions and has served prison time for extreme violence against women but the police are failing to see that. Mum has tried to contact the police on several occasions but they say that they can’t do anything because she is under bail conditions because of his lies. He is continuing with the treats.
I know mum is a nutcase, but how someone with a fractured shoulder is supposed to strangle someone is beyond me. Even though she is a bit odd, I don’t believe she would have attacked him without being provoked first. Even then I don’t think she is capable due to her physical disabilities. I think the worst she would have done is just push someone out of defence.
This is why I think she is acting up and lashing out. She is very scared and vulnerable, she is seeking validation from friends and family and resorting to posting things on Facebook where she is getting more attacked. People are trying to help her and I think she is untrusting them. When I called her she was very distressed and panicky in tone. She told me she has to sleep on the sofa, and sleeps next to a baseball bat (there has always been one in the house, it was there when we moved in).
She told me she went to see a doctor today to get her usual steroid injections for her osteoarthritis, they couldn’t give her it because she was self harming. However it seems like they also spoke about mums current condition. The doctor said she may have a complex form of ptsd and i believe that. I don’t know if it possible for ptsd to be singular for one (or frequent trauma) or if it can be a range of ptsd types for a range of traumas. It makes sense.
Mum wasn’t accepting the carers at first because she didn’t want a man due to the situation with this guy. She has now accepted them.
I think she is acting like this because she is under bail because of her ex doing what he did, this may just be the tipping point for her and she could get into a lot of trouble. She could also loose her spot on this assisted living thing if she ends up with a conviction.
Apparently the police also said to my sister that social services are not responding to the duty of care that they have.
Right, so today I have spoken to the police about it all, and they say that it is important that mums social worker knows what is happening.
This is the problem getting social workers to listen. I have made numerous calls to the safeguarding team who just seem quick to brush me off because I can’t explain the situation in 10 words. I try to say the state mum is in, but as soon as I explain they have an habit of brushing me off and saying “so what is happening?” What I tell them is what is happening. I have written a letter (one side of A4) I will be making calls to make sure that they have received the letter and have acknowledged it, otherwise I will be going straight to the complaints department.
I have also written a letter to my MP about the lack of mental health support in the area and the difficulties accessing it. A lot of support services are saying that mum needs to contact the crisis team, but there is nothing that suggests they are dealing with a crisis. To get through to them you have to call the domain department and wait to get a call back. There is no information about waiting lists nor when a call back is expected. It comes eventually but it sometimes takes hours. Even then that’s only like the reception, it then takes more effort when they have to ring the crisis team which could take a couple of hours. Why they call it a crisis is beyond me.
There used to be a direct number to the crisis team but now there isn’t. That needs to change really.
I just think people who have a duty of care are failing to respond and citing capacity. It’s not good enough
Coolcar,
Do you think your Mum is corresponding with your aunt? Or that she is saying things out of character because of her mental state?
I have been in a similar situation with social services and child safeguarding - getting nowhere etc, not being believed … in several cases it has been the police that made the difference and took action.
With all calls you make, keep a record of who you speak too, date and time and a brief explanation of what you/they said.
Keep a chronological record of events, so that you have evidence.
Since safeguarding are quick to brush you off, prepare what you will say before you ring them. I suspect the call handler is listening out for ‘buzz words’ that they act upon (a bit like the forum system picks up on certain words in posts.) Unfortunately I don’t know what those words are; but ‘vulnerable person’ ‘self-harm’ and ‘abuse’ ‘danger to herself’ ‘danger to others’ etc are likely to be picked up.
Since screaming down the phone isn’t working, try to be calm and detached (I realise this is difficult because you are emotionally involved,) but its worth a try.
I thought the social worker was good?
The paid carers can report safeguarding concerns too and that will add weight to the need for help.
Have you written to your Mum’s GP?
‘Duty of Care’ is another worth mentioning. Thinking of you and I really hate the way you are getting passed from Agency to Agency.
Hi, I think my aunt is having an effect. My aunt is known to say things. She also abused her other sister so her state is widely known. I do believe mum is acting out of a severe mental state too.
I know screaming at them isn’t the best thing to do. I say screaming probably more I spoke more sternly with them whilst crying, I told them it wasn’t good enough the way they were responding. I told them if they didn’t act that something bad would happen, and they have a duty of care.
I wrote a letter earlier and sent it to multiple people at social services including the long-term team, and safeguarding. I got a prompt reply back from the main team. They told me a number of things. I asked for them to consider putting my mum higher up on the housing list for her safety, and they are going to contact the relevant teams. They also said that mums main care package starts on Monday.
Finally, this is where there is an issue. When mum was accepted for a care package her social worker changed. The previous one was short-term, the team told me today that she doesn’t have an assigned social worker yet. They are waiting to assign her one before she gets more support.