Just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like all the services are useless

Hi, so it is me again. I haven’t really posted in a few days, but I am at a loss for what to do with services really. I know it is a bold statement, but I feel like they are all inept, well most of them.

I am just fed up of the systems in place really. I have been in contact with mum and she loves her carers, they age really helped to tidy her house and parts of the house look great again after just a few days. But then again aren’t paid carers just more humans on minimum to low wage. Again it is that human response that makes things worse, not ticking boxes and spreadsheets. The only reason it is working because they are providing a mum level response not just hiding behind a spreadsheet.

As for mums ex abusive friend, he is continuing to cause trouble. He is making fake accounts and sending himself messages to show the police and say mum is doing them. I have seen these accounts but the police are refusing to act on them. Mum defo has not created them, I know that because she spent all day asking me how to turn her phone off silent. Plus these profiles have taken pictures from mums account. It’s nothing to do with blocking here, the accounts aren’t adding us. They are adding other people and showing this to them.

What sort of accounts? Bank? Facebook?
Why are you answering repeated calls form mum? Don’t let her bully you.

The paid carers sound great, if they are helping your Mum sort out the house and giving her some company.

Your Mum needs to post on Facebook that someone is setting up fake accounts in her name and sending out messages that aren’t from her, then take a break from Facebook so everyone knows its not her.

Yeah I think it’s more the fact that the guy is sending himself messages to play the idea that mum is doing this to him. Mum has told the police, they say they can’t do anything. Mum has been told not to contact him and he seems to be doing everything he can to intimidate her.

I’m not trying to get too involved. It is just the fact that this is happening to my sisters now too.

It’s Facebook accounts. The guy has made quite a few pretending to be multiple people. One of the accounts is imitating my youngest sisters partner who is a police officer. They live two hours away.

The accounts are adding mums friends and well Middle Aged people on Facebook aren’t always the healthiest.

The guy is using the accounts to create false narratives. It’s not so much that he is contacting us, on one of the accounts he has. I told my siblings not to reply, but the others aren’t so direct. They exist because people have been sending us pictures of conversations where my mum or my sister has supposedly said that they want to hurt him.

It is just the fact that this is happening to my sisters now too.

what is happening? He is messaging them as if from your Mum? If so, your Mum or your sisters can stop this by your Mum having a Facebook holiday or your sisters unfriending/blocking the fake accounts.

Or he is impersonating them too?

Did you have snow, Coolcar? Any update on your car?

No he is contacting my siblings with fake accounts. One of the accounts is immitating one of their partners who is a police officer. In the account he claimed that he would hurt him if he touched my sister. The abusive person is messaging himself with these accounts which he is claiming is my mum, or my siblings and of their partners are messaging him. He is going to the police about them.

He is also going to other family members and pretending he is scared of us like he will get hurt.

One of the accounts sent a message directly to my sister saying “do you love your mummy …. Because I am going to hurt her.” The account also claims to be his girlfriend which ironically has Khloe Kardashian’s as the picture.

This is the problem. Mums previous social worker raises so many concerns about him and did things to help, but now the social team has changed they are not interested.

The man is menace. Why don’t you all take a break from Facebook and set up a closed WhatsApp group instead.

You can all chat on there, post pics etc No one can join your group or look at it unless invited and it operates through your mobile phone numbers.

I did have snow yeah, although it was a pathetic attempt at it. I woke this morning as usual, my sister called to ask if I would take her to work. I said yeah. Don’t worry about that one, she lives along my route into work and I drop her off nearest to her workplace on my route into work so it’s not like I’m going out or my way really.

I always pick her up every night since I pass there at the time she leaves, and like I say she lives on the path home.

Anyway, yeah I got in my car and it was firing up, but shutting down after a second or so. I cycled it round and it was fine after that. I think the car battery was very cold. The 20 mile trip into work seemed to do it good though.

It will be going in for its repair first thing on Tuesday. I will get a courtesy car. It should be ready by Wednesday after work. I will be getting a Fiat Panda as a courtesy car which practically a kinder egg toy. I drove it before when I had a service and hated it, but needs must. (They gave me a courtesy car because the garage is on a rural road with no paths, I only needed it to drive to work a couple miles away)

I understand the whole Facebook thing. I can’t really take a break from it because of my job, since I have to keep an eye out on local community groups. However I seem to be getting the least of it.

The man has multiple convictions and has served time for serious domestic abuse.

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Doesn’t your paper have a facebook account?

Yes, but it’s only a business one it has its restrictions. I can’t message people directly unless they message first. I don’t see why my work should be restricted for a maniac, the police and social services should be responding to a safeguarding issue but they are not.

I realise it’s frustrating but suspect impersonating someone on Facebook is a civil matter rather than illegal and if this is the case the police can’t act. You could contact Citizens Advice to see what they say.

The threatening behaviour they should be taking seriously. Your Mum now has paid carers in place and seems to be moving forward in positive ways.

You are settling into your new accommodation. What are you going to focus on next for you?

I understand that it is a civil matter and in normal circumstances it would make sense. It is just when this guy is using these accounts to message himself all sorts of nasty abusive things and then ringing the police and then mum gets put on bail because of them. Mum said she is on bail over investigations of harrassment stemming from her messaging him and appearing at his door. She blocked him on Facebook, and she can’t be outside his door when she has been with a friend most nights due to the threats. The guy even called the police when she was in the cells to say she was outside his house.

The police seem to be favouring him, and not the victim which is only adding to the abuse. Mum is scared in her own home, and is getting all sorts of abuse of this man, but the police are refusing to act because they are already investigating a false crime. He is messaging family too such as my cousin act long like he is scared of her. The cousin has made threatening remarks. The guy has already hurt her once. The guy is a maniac.

But this is the issue, social services identified the guy as being violent and abusive before Christmas. Mums old social worker was trying to do something about it. Yet when her case transferred teams they won’t do anything, she is just sat in the system waiting for a social worker.

Safeguarding teams are so irrelevant and I don’t understand what their job is. Well I do, but they seem so hell bent on making their lives easier. Everytime I ring and say mum is being abused, they say it is not their problem. But I thought that is the point of safeguarding, if someone is at risk of abuse. I understand that it is a police matter most times but surely they should be working to protect the person. They are not.

According to the care act they must protect someone from neglect and abuse.

• To prevent harm and reduce the risk of abuse or neglect to adults with care and support needs
• Tosafeguardindividualsinaway that supports them in making choices and having control in how they choose to live their lives “Making Safeguarding Personal”
• Topromoteanoutcomes approach in safeguarding that works for people resulting in the best experience possible
• Toraisepublicawarenesssothat professionals, other staff and communities as a whole play their part in preventing, identifying and responding to abuse and neglect.

This is what they are supposed to do and aren’t meeting any of it.




Hugs. I have no real advice other than to say try the deep breath technique for relieving stress. The technique is quite useful. Here is how it works. Think of five things you can see, and four things you hear. Do the same for three things you taste, two things you smell, and one thing you touch. Write them all down on a sheet of paper in order to refer back to later. For example right now I can see cupboards, the telly, chairs, flowers, and a box.

It’s relatively easy for the police to prove who’s doing this. And yes, they can do something. At the very least, he’s wasting police time and making false allegations, both of which are criminal offences, as far as I understand.

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Yeah I know the DAP are involved and according to mum they are very concerned about the police’s response to this.

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Thank you. It is so hard. I just want things to stop being so turbulent all the time. Ever since dad died it has been non stop. I would like to just have days where I know what is coming next. I know from these posts it may seem like I get into alot of bother, but generally I don’t. I hate conflict, and I feel like I don’t know what I am doing one time to the next. I miss the way things were before dad died. I have just had a bad run really. I’ve never been in fights myself. I was bullied but I was always so focused on being the best person I can be. In a way now that it is just me I have more time to focus but sometimes I just want more. I want to know where I stand one day to the next. I want rid of all the things I have to deal with.

Yesterday was a strange day, but in a good way sort of. My sister booked a tattoo a few weeks ago in the town I work 20 miles from home. The studio is new and one of the apprentices is really good. She asked me if I would drive her, so I said yeah. I was aware of an event happening at a local shop when she was booked in so I decided that I would just take the time to do that story and claim the mileage back later. The event was a huge raffle in memory of a guy who quite recently tragically died in a house fire. He worked for the RNLI so his death really shocked the whole town. One of the prizes was abit of a joke, but was very popular. The rest were all items donated by people and shops.

Anyway, so after I parked up, I saw in the words group chat that there had been a fire down the street close to the office. I said I was near work (the office is shut on a weekend) and I would attend the scene and see what I can do. My sister and I went to the location look, and wow it was bad. I did what I had to do and left to attend the other event as planned.

The raffle was great and I put abit of money into it. It was for a worthy cause. After he died he had a special public memorial thing involving his coffin being transported along the Promenade on top of a lifeboat. The main lifeboat followed on the water. That event really hit me hard. Not in a I knew him really well kind of way, but the way it was run was so poignant. It was because it touched me so hard that I put abit more into this raffle than I normally would.

Anyway I managed to win a £70 voucher for a tattoo. I wanted another one. I just haven’t been able to afford one. My sister was very jealous of this one, and was begging me to sell it to her. I got a £20 voucher for a local shop, and a bath bomb set. I also was in attendance when they revealed who had won the top prize out of a bucket of names. In an amazing turn of events, and I saw it with my own eyes, the person who won was the son of the man who died. The whole event was in memory of him. We all gasped. It was amazing.

Wow. I’m not sure if this is a viable option or not but perhaps look at live out and live in carers for her. You could always post a short advert in The Lady magazine and call or email a few local care providers tomorrow morning. Try to see if they have a few live in carers. Best wishes. I also recommend making some brief summary notes. Other good options include finding a decent care home. In all situations be honest and polite.

Thanks for the rather lengthy update on your situation. The Lady magazine is a decent source of information on live in carers. Quite often I have picked up a copy at my local supermarket to look through. I have noted how many advertisements for carers have been placed in one single edition alone as well. I think it is a good idea to begin your search that way in addition.

Focus. Use your brief summary notes as a method to get more details. Take down contact details. Read beyond the lines. Pay attention to what mom needs most of all when looking at all of your options. Check out care home reviews and get a copy of the latest inspection report by all means but please make sure to talk to people. Most care homes these days have a open day. There is a updated website on which you can read more facts about the care home in question.

Discuss goals.

Thara, how is this going to be paid for??? A live in often costs, more than than residential care.