@Teddybear, bearing up (or trying to). I watched the 6 nations rugby on TV. As an Ireland fan 
it was nice to see them lift the triple crown. And Man Utd won yesterday. Still struggling to sleep though. I had some Guinness over the weekend. I did my own toast to mum, dad and my other deceased friends and relatives.
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@JohnnyBoy hiya, Your trying to good, it’s not easy Johnny, just think of the wonderful memories of you and your mum.thats what I do.That will have been nice watching the rubgy. Oh you support Manchester United. So with those two things it be something good to focus on. If your struggling to sleep go on the forum there are two tapes horsydebs posted for me .and I listen to them , they are good .you try them see if they relax you.That’s nice that you toasted them all . I hope you have a better sleep tonight and that your chest is getting better. Take care. 
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@Teddybear , health wise, I’m on the mend. I’ll check out these tapes. If it helps me sleep better, I’ll try it. I’m going to do another toast to my friends and relatives later by raising a glass of Guinness (or two) later. Well, it is St. Patrick’s Day.
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@JohnnyBoy Healthwise your on the mend good .Yes the tapes are good hopefully they will help you relax.the first one is nice because it’s got the sea on it. I did not realise it was st Patrick’s day today till you said.have you heard from anyone abroad .i do hope that you have. Wishing you a good day. And guess what we have sun. Take care,enjoy your Guinness.
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@Teddybear , no I haven’t yet. I’ve left messages informing them of mum’s death. Anyway, I don’t know when the cremation will be. I’m due to see the funeral people later. When I find out, I’ll let them know. If they turn up, great. Either way, not bothered. BTW, it’s sunny hear as well. A shame it rained last night.
@JohnnyBoy well you have left them messages about your mum that is all that you can do.if your going to see the funeral people later they will no more. But until you get the death certificate and you register the death they won’t be able to do it ,till the paper work is done. So mention these things to them if you have not go the death certificate and if it’s not registered as they will help you as it needs to be done.anything else your not sure of ask them they will give you advice and help that’s there job.then when you find out your can let them all know that’s all you can do. It is sunny here yes, but it still feels cold even though the sun is shinning, but it’s better than all that rain and cloud. Good luck for today.
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@Teddybear , I’m glad you mentioned the death certificate. I’m due at the registrar’s office at Heron House, Lloyd Street, Manchester City Centre tomorrow afternoon. Just need to take a couple of documents and a few details and that should that. I must also contact the Irish embassy too. I’ll need to find out where do I hand back mum’s Irish passport. I’ve got one too 
. Will let you know how I get on.
@JohnnyBoy Well you won’t be able to register the death without the death certificate. So you need to tell the funeral directors all this.You will need that for heron house. So say to the funeral director you need death certificate how do I get one can you help me. Tell them you need it for tommorrow. To register the death. Ask them about her passport they may know about that. They may have come across these things before write these things down so you don’t forget , and anything else you want to ask. Write a list then you will be able to read the things out and won’t forget.take care
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@Teddybear , the funeral director came to the house yesterday, shortly after I got home. He’s still moaning about the death certificate. I’m see the registrar this afternoon in Manchester City Centre". I told him to just back off! Once I’ve done the registration, it’s a matter of waiting for the certificates. They need to come from Salford. I’ve more or less got the documents I need including mum’s Irish passport. I just need to notify the Irish embassy (there is one open in Manchester City Centre). I’ll do that after I’ve done the registration. Emotionally and physically tired. I’ve hardly rested and had time to grieve mum’s death. But once things are sorted 
, I can finally breathe.
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The funeral director should have explained that you cannot register a death without a death certificate!
Who is supposed to be issuing it?
If mum died in the care home it would normally be a GP if she had seen one regularly. Otherwise there would be a postmortem and then a certificate with a cause of death.
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@JohnnyBoy ok here goes.
Ok who said she had died.A doctor would have had to come to the care home and confirm she had died .that is the person who does the death certificate. The doctor who confirmed she had died in the care home .then when you have the death certificate from the doctor who saw her. You then take that death certificate to the registry place to register her death. Then after that you then give it to the funeral directors . you will need more than one copy of the death certificate. Because there will probably be other places that may want to see a copy. Banks etc .
Example. My mum passed away at home few years ago. My dad or sister had to ring the doctors. Doctor came out confirmed she had passed away. Then doctor would have had to go back to the surgery and write out a death certificate. (.My family did not want a postmortem). Then they would have gone to the doctors surgery picked up the death certificate and took it to the registers place registered her death. And then given it to the funeral directors after it had been registered .Me and bowlinghun both told you what to do, but your doing it in the wrong order. Relax, deep breath. Read the messages ,then read them again. Your grieving things don’t always sink in first time when you are. Hope this helps. Take care. Hugs
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@Teddybear , cheers. At the moment, I’m following my nose. Anyway, it’s done. Registration is sorted. The office in Piccadilly had the details e-mailed to them from the care home doctor and other people “caring” for her welfare. In short, the cause of death was due to the stroke. Just waiting for the certificates.
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@JohnnyBoy good ,so then you just have to the give it to the funeral director when you get it. Glad things are coming together now. Have a nice day.take care.
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@Teddybear , cheers. OK, I took the slightly longer route but, it more due to some circumstances beyond my control. It some of the authorities messing around. 
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Hello, JohnnyBoy. Owing to domestic pressures I have been absent from this forum for a while. But, on returning, I was attracted by your long topic.
Although it is clear that your dear mum passed away during this period, I see no place where you actually announced this. Were some of your posts deleted?
I see all sides of any discussion. Maybe the care home refused to release your mum because the manager judged that it was in her best interests. I have known a few people that have had strokes. Some live on for a few years, but with disability; they are never the persons they used to be. Your mum needed care before the stroke. If you had had your mum back home I think you would have found caring a lot tougher than previously. I see from a different topic that you are asthmatic, so would find the physical demands of caring to be demanding.
You said that Mum broke two fingers. Stroke-afflicted people often have poor balance and accidents like this can happen just as easily at home. Could you have dealt with this alone at home better than the team of medically-trained nurses at the care home?
I am glad that at last you have the death certificate, and are proceeding with registering and planning the funeral.
What do you hope to gain from persisting with complaints about the care home? I think that you are unlikely to get any more than confirmation that the care home acted in your mum’s best interest. Would it not be better to think about moving your life forward?
When you collected Mum’s belongings, it was a brief in-an-out procedure. That’s fine. My own experience of collecting belongings of the deceased is that brevity is best for all concerned, even in good circumstances.
You drank a toast to Mum on St Patrick’s day. That’s fine. See this as a turning point, where you start to think about your future. It’s best to leave formal planning until after the funeral; you will have plenty to do before then. Then there will be a vacuum, without the caring aspect. Be kind to yourself and build a new life.
It will help if you tell us a little more about your situation.
- Did your mum own the house or rent it?
- Are you in paid employment?
- You expressed a wish to move to Ireland. Is this still your wish?
Even though you are no longer a carer you are welcome to keep contributing to this forum and we are happy to listen.
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@Denis_1610 Johnnyboy posted about his Mum’ passing on his thread:
I split his post and replies to a condolences thread, so people could offer support and know about his Mum:
https://forum.carersuk.org/t/condolences-for-johnnyboy/128207
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@Denis_1610 , the house is rented, I’m currently sorting out the tenancy. The housing association will let live there once paperwork is done. I’m a long-term resident along with mum. Moved there in 1993 when mum married my stepdad. I’m currently sort out UC. Will look for employment/adult education/apprenticeship once the cremation is sorted and I’ve sorted out a few legalities. As for moving abroad (Ireland/EU) I’m considering it but not for the time being. Maybe after 2-3 years I’ll look at my options again. I did the St. Patrick’s Day toast as a way of finding solace. I’m trying to find peace with myself. Trouble is with everyone else (authorities) badgering me, I’ve not had time to mourn! For mum’s belonging, most I’ll send to local charity shops. I’d rather someone else have them than just throw it away. Still in the process of sorting out her things. For the foreseeable, I’ll try to continue to contribute on here. Hopefully, other people including young carers could (hopefully) benefit from my experience. Anyway, thanks for your kind words. 
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@Melly1 , thank you for that. Thank you everyone else for your kindness and support.
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I gave all my husbands clothes to the Salvation Army, all clean washed and ironed. Then would be of use to someone else. (I’d seen a programme that they provide clothes for people who have lost everything in fires and disasters as well as others in need).
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I donated my hubby’s clothes to an animal charity. Thinking would help people and animals. My daughter helped me and we didn’t look and have memories. Was hard enough as it was.
I remember bowlingbun telling me well done and seeing his clothes could no longer hurt. She was right
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