@Johnnyboy.nice to hear from you .keep busy ,think about all your wonderful memories you have . I know it hurts. My dad passed in 2024. It still hurts.i think about all my memories and I hope one day i will see mum and dad again. That’s what i do. You were a wonderful son.did the best you could do. Just go in pick her things up and come out. They never did you any favours. People do give up Johnny. That’s not your fault you were fighting a system that is flawed. Are you able to write a letter about how you were treated and put through and all your mum wanted was to come home and be with you, I don’t mean to social workers. I mean to the CEO of adult services.so he is aware of what you were going through. If you don’t want to that is fine .i just thought you could say all you wanted to say and it may give you some closer to the ordeal you went through .it was just a thought I had while I was sat here.does not have to be now you have enough to deal with. In the future. But depending on how that care home was with you if they were nice that’s nice , if they weren’t.just get your mums things and leave. We are all on here for you.hold on to your memories they with get you through it. 
@Teddybear , I’ve just written e-mail and a written letter to the people concerned. I doubt I’ll get much of a response. Couldn’t hurt to try. I’ll shortly be on my way to Salford to collect my mum’s things. In and out that’s my plan. I’ll let you know how things go. 
@johnnyboy good I’m glad you have wrote an email and a letter.i bet you will get a response but it will be full of excuses. But the point is they failed your mum. Even people on end of life which I did not know how poorly she was .have a right to come home if they wish.that is there wish.i don’t know if your email or your letter is to the CEO but I would write to him, and say this is what me and my mum went through under your services, I unfortunately I am not the only one. When all this is done with me ,I don’t need to explain I am sure you have read my posts .when it’s all done.i will be writing to the CEO of my adult services to tell him what they did to me.i feel if people don’t nothing will be done because they don’t know how SW behave and if we don’t tell these people they won’t know.
Also the letters are for you to say what you want to help with the grief instead of all the hurt they caused you this is away of releasing it to have your say.to try and make you feel a little better.
You go and get your mums things in and out like you said. They will be probably be full of apologises and excuses. To late for them.just say to them you failed my mum and her wishes.if they try and speak to you. If they don’t just go in and out.
I removed some of my posts of your thread only the ones with help for your mum as I did not think you would need them on here now.take care I hope your health is better.mine is not to good but I’m ok. All this counsel wears you down
@Teddybear, your right. Mum and I have been failed big time. In the letter and e-mail, I more or less pointed out how poorly mum and I were treated. How much their “system” let mum and myself down. Also, how appallingly mum and I were treated by the two social workers. I doubt I’ll get much of a response. Apart from “Lessons will be learned”, that’ll be it. I didn’t stay long at the care home. I didn’t really speak to the staff, all I got was “Sorry for your loss”. That’s it! Thanks for your consideration regarding some of my posts. Very thoughtful of you, thanks. Health wise, I’m OK. Chest infection is still bothering me. But bearing up. 
Good afternoon @JohnnyBoy yes she had and you to.p failings.the letter and email sound good you told them what you need to do. Well if you wanted to you could complain to the social work .they deal with social workers. And your council if you go on there website and look up feed back and complaints you will see a email address called your view something.it will be an email address .that will go to the quality care team. Write and tell them . On the bottom of the email write. Please acknowledge this email. They will do. You should hear back within 2 to 3 days. They will then send it to a manager . Then about 20+ days later you will get a reply from them .if you are not happy. You write back to the quality care team again just saying you are not happy with the response you got.then it will go higher to the complaints team. If you are then still not happy with there response .you can then escalate it to the local goverment and social care ombudsman.mine went to manager useless.now writing back for it to be escalated to the complaints team.i asked them first to do this. I wrote formal complaint on it, but apparently this is how they work.
.that was best not to stay long and you got a sorry for your loss.disgraceful It’s ok about the posts.i left the general ones.i did not want your wall to look bare .health wise your not to bad , good. About your chest have you tried steaming .putting some hot water in a bowl ,leaning your head over the bowl with a towel over your head, and breath in the steam. You could try doing that a few times that could help. Have a nice day, be kind to yourself. Gosh it is cold here. No sun at all just thick cloud.
look what I’ve found haha
@Teddybear, I’ve still no response from the people concerned. Then again, I’m not bothered if they do. The only shock I got was an e-mail from the care home. They said they “want to support me in my time of grief”. I could’ve done with “support” before my mum died. Too little, too late!. 
@JohnnyBoy still no response from the people concerned.i suppose that depends who you have wrote to.did you read above about what I wrote about the council.if your complaining about them,you need to write to your councils quality care team, you can do it by email.then they pass it on to revelant people.they have there own way doing things.wrote it above for you. If you composing to CEO adult services put his name on the email, send it to quality care team they pass it on.
If complaining about the care home isn’t that the. CQC.look up what they do.if it is them .you send everything you want to say to them .but on any letters or emails you write at the bottom put. Please acknowledge my email or letter which it is .then you should get reply. When I send my complaints to my councils Quality care team I always get a reply the next day.but it can take 2 to 3 days,I always write what I said . But the first time I didn’t I still got a reply the next day.she is very good at her job. But that is her job. It may be who you have wrote to . CAB told me these places have procedures and you have to follow them. So the places you have wrote to if you have done it by email, send it again addressed to there complaint team or department.if it’s letter if you have printer print it off,if not write it out again and then send that again to the place you want but to there complaint team. You will find there complaint team email address or address on there websites. The CAB told me this. So you may have not got a response because it hasn’t gone to the right place.im not blaming you.i used to do that because I did not know.i would write manager on and no one would reply. I hope this ok. How’s the chest, did you try the steam, you can also get olbas oil put a few drops in the water do the same thing that is supposed to be good. Look olbas oil up see what it does , you may also be able put it on a tissue breath it in. Have a nice day or try to do.
The care home is disgrace, they probably feel guilty Johnny. Did you reply.if it was me I wouldn’t I’d think get stuffed. The council did the same last year to me last year because they couldn’t intimidate and pressure me.they suspended my care. Then the SW sent an email to say I’ve been told by the council I am two email you every week for a month to make sure you were ok. I just ignore them all.
@Teddybear yeah, the care home e-mailed me. I’m stunned to be honest. “Get stuffed” is my original thought. Anyway, I’ve not made my mind up yet. They’ve invited me to go and see them. I said “I’ll consider it but, no promises”. As I said, their “support” is too little, too late. I’ll get in touch with CQC team, see what’s happened regarding my letter/e-mail. As I said, I’m not expecting much of a response. Too little, too late.
@JohnnyBoy the care home are only doing that to cover there back Johnny there inviting you so it looks good. There not thinking of you there thinking of themselves . Thinking I wonder if he complains there covering there back. For now keep away.if you are complaining to the CQC to the council about the SW and how they were. It will not look good if you go to the care home for a chat. They will turn round and say well things couldn’t have been that bad he cane into see us all and we had a lovely chat.see where I’m coming from . It’s not for your benefit. You have wrote a complaint, they are worried about this complaint on them.if you do what I have wrote above. It will all be investigated the care home , the SW anyone else involved in your mums care. But for that to happen to have to follow protocol.what I’ve told you above what the CAB. told me. Then finally if you don’t feel you have got what you wanted it’s the local government social Care ombudsman.
Start at the complaint teams when they acknowledge email ,they will then explain what will happen. The complaints teams have to deal with it, send it where it needs to go, then they get the replies from the people and send them to you ,then you write back to the to the quality complaints teams.everything is done through them .they cannot not reply it’s there job. They would get into trouble for not dealing with it. Steer clear from the care home. either don’t reply to there emails or if you do be careful, in the near future it could be used against you with your complaint.they did not bother when your dear mum was here. There only bothering now because they probably know they could get into trouble for all this. Trying to get you on side. I only know this because I’ve read things like this on the forums and the people are advised to keep away. You follow. You can’t complain about a place then go visit for a chat.it don’t look good on you.if you ever did want to go. Months and months down the line when this has all be investigated and sorted. Just think. Funny how you get an email when you have complained do you think you would have got one if you hadn’t. Now they have no control ,you have the control and they are worried. A complaint on there care home will not look good. Sorry it’s long.
@Teddybear, that’s my thinking too. I intend to steer clear. I don’t want to see that place again. Seeing my mum fade away in front of my eyes haunts me in my sleep and sometimes in the day. Anyway, I’m still sorting out mum’s affairs (her benefits, bills etc.), I’ve got enough to contend with. I’m still waiting on mum’s death certificate and I need to get it registered. I also need to contact the Irish embassy so I can hand back her passport. So, I have enough to keep me going for now.
@JohnnyBoy I’m glad that’s what your thinking to.i read something on a post from a while ago it similar situation to yours .they were told that i thought you would think that but sometimes when we are stressed, grieving and overwhelmed we don’t think clearly. So I just thought I would mention it. Like when bowling hun wrote to someone email paper trail don’t ring. I would have been ringing and no proof I had.sorting out mums affairs that will be work and there’ll all be slow. If we owed them money we would get letter next day. We want some help different story. You’re waiting on D C and to register yep. Hand passport back I would never have thought of that. Yes you have a lot to keep you going for now. It must be not be nice seeing that. Try and think past that to good memories. Not easy I know. Get some photos out of you and mum from better times , and then hopefully they will over ride the others.i hope that you are ok. And that your chest is better. Try and have a good day. Be kind to yourself. Keep in touch.
@Teddybear, thanks for that. Doing my best. For once I’m glad it’s practically the weekend. I really need a rest. I had been thinking back to some of the laughs we had. Good times. Your right about things been slow. It’s excruciating. My beard is getting longer by the day. I’ll try to have a good day. Thanks for your kind words. 
@JohnnyBoy glad you’re doing your best.weekend you have a rest. What I sometimes do when things become overwhelming ,someone said it on the telly ,spend one day doing things.then the next day have a rest and while you are you will be thinking about what else to do having a rest ,doing something you like. And then it does not become so overwhelming alternative. I colour ,I put my music on .thats what you need to do think about the good times concentrate on them if you can.not easy i know. You will laugh ,cry ,laugh and cry. My dad passed 2024. I’m still like you, I talk to him everyday ,and my mum. I’ll giggle ,I’ll cry. Things are slow. Virtually at a stand still.i wrote on thread about my emails hospital. If I write takes 3 months letter from pals at hospital last year. 2 months from the council. lol .ridiculous. Don’t know where there sending them from .Well you just chill out at weekend. Do your hobbies. Create some new ones. Because no one will be at work at weekend.
@Teddybear, that’s the plan. Because I’ve got a feeling next week will get pretty busy. I’ve still haven’t heard when my mum’s cremation is happening. One thing I will do today is sort out my UC claim. Tried to do it online, site kept crashing. I’ll need to phone them. Not looking forward to it. 
@JohnnyBoy yes next week could get pretty busy as you start to hear back from places.you could always give the cremation place a ring next week.but them things could possibly take abit time because of paper work etc.now this is just a thought I don’t know about these things it was just something I thought about with the two messages you have wrote. You probably know or have to find out. The first message you said was Waiting for the death certificate and you have not registered her death yet.then the next message I’m answering now you said I still haven’t heard when mums cremation is happening. Now I don’t know the answer to this question it was just something I just thought. Wouldn’t you have to have the death certificate and her death registered before anything can happen. I don’t know. But would the cremation place need a death certificate and it registering first. It was just a thought I don’t know, but I would have thought there were legal things and paper work.to something like this, hope you understand what I’m trying to say.i dont like saying the words. She has gone there. Then do they have to have death certificate and it registered , for it to happened. I don’t know if you know this, but I think on gov.co.uk there is page on someone passing away.and on it it gives a list of everything you have to do in order (may help). And do you know I think there are forms you can fill in and they cancel things all together. So like all goverment like organisations benefits, anything to do with goverment .you fill this form in they are all done without you having to ring every single place. This may help. It all this website the death of someone.ive just thought about it you may know.
If you ringing the benefit line .is it specific for UC or the main line. If it’s the main line best time to ring is around 8am in the morning .when I once rung the man told me that cos he said most people don’t think they start work till 9am.
Teddy is correct, get the doctor’s death certificate, register the death, give the death registration certificate to the undertaker. They will then give you dates for the service / cremation.
The Registrar will tell DWP under the “Tell us Once” scheme.
Expect a very short note from DWP demanding return of any overpayment. It’s a horrible letter, you have been warned.
@Teddybear, I called the UC phoneline when I got home. It’s practically all done. I should hear something after the weekend. I’ll check out the gov.uk website. It’ll give me ideas what to do and what I’ve missed. Cheers. 
@bowlingbun, my soul is prepared regarding that (DWP). I’ll talk to them once I get the death certificate. “Tell us once” scheme. I’ll remember that.
When you register the death the Registrar does “Tell in Once” for you, unless things have changed.
Before you go, think about how many certificates you need.
One for the bank, one for a solicitor involved, and one for your records, at very least. They aren’t expensive when you buy extra at the time of registration. Very few people seemed to accept photocopies when my husband died suddenly. His name was on so many things. I had 6 copies done, sent them to people who needed originals with a copying letter. Just name, address, date of death my relationship. Then said please would they copy the certificate and return asap.
Be kind to yourself when you are doing this. It’s not easy emotionally.
@JohnnyBoy hiya Johnnyboy. Just dropping by to say hi and hope the weekend is going ok ,and that you are having a nice rest after a busy week. Take care.