As I’ve mentioned before (many time in fact), that I’ve been a carer for (until recently) for 30+yrs. Having read the many comments on here since I joined, it seems to me we are all getting the sharp end of the stick. I know that peoples circumstances are different, but why are the services who are suppose to help us keep on hindering us? Call me daft if you like, but in a society of so-called equality and fairness, why are we been treated like we are nothing to these people? Why in their eyes are we “an inconvenience” to them? It’s made me wonder. Should we be treated more fairly by the social services/workers, the local councils and by the government? What do you (in this forum) think?
If it wasn’t for disabled people and their carers they would be out of a job! They might visit for an hour or two. Who is caring the rest of the time? Often an unpaid family carer.
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I’m a Social Worker Survivor.
I was new to caring some 5 years ago and had no idea of my rights.
I approached my local carers centre, but they were no help.
I found that there is no-one available to help you navigate the system and help you enforce your rights. I was at the mercy of hostile social workers.
I determined that I was on my own in this and that I had to help myself as there was no-one to help and advise.
This led to me having to use their published complaints procedures and hold them to it. It wasn’t easy and I learned that those who appear claiming to help, are unfortunately not to be trusted.
It hasn’t been an easy time, but over time, I learned more about the system and how to use it to hold these people to account.
I treat every communication with them with High Alert, I ask them why they want to talk with me, what is the purpose of their communication, and I put as many spanners into their plans that I can if I feel their agenda is harmful.
I have survived this so far and I’m quite proud to have done so!
It’s sad that it is like this, but it is like this, much as I wish it wasn’t.
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@DSmith, sadly, this is one of many examples of a broken system. Like my mother’s current and previous social worker(s), they just want an easy time. I’ve learned to my cost that they are more a hinderance than help. They are even messing up my life. My rights as mum’s carer have been stripped away from me by the care home & social services/workers. I still want to help her in my own capacity. Reading what you’ve said, I’ll take some of the advice on board. I’ve already made complaints about them but so far, no luck. I’ll also start putting spanners into their works, because their agenda is no helpful to me at all. For me, I feel they are playing God with my life and my mum’s life. Thanks for that. 
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I agree with what you have all said. From all I have read of people’s messages and my life.all social workers to do with Adult Care seem to do is make people’s life’s more hard than they were and make them miserable and stressed out. I found them controlling all they wanted was to say what they wanted to do and if I spoke they just ignored me like I had not even spoke just carried on with there conversation.someone said this to me once who had been a carer for a long time. This was before I even knew what social workers were like.she said if a social worker rings you and wants to come and see you it’s for there benefit not yours.she said tell them nothing unless you have to do. Or as little as possible .At the time I laughed when she said that.she was so right. I don’t know why they are like it wouldn’t it be a far nicer job for them if they were honest, kind caring and really did try to help people.I think they think of unpaid carers as free labour and that they are more superior than anyone else. You would think Councils would treasure you and help you because at the end of the day you are helping them by looking after your loved ones.
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@Teddybear, your statement is another case of one rule for them, other rules for us. As I mentioned, I believe we are treated as an “inconvenience” by these organizations. Reading other peoples posts, I’m starting to wonder what is the point of social workers?
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That’s a good word inconvenience. It certainly seems that way, and about social workers I know what you mean. My niece is a social worker but she deals with children and she is lovely. She did not what to do but report them . There must be a few nice social workers it’s just finding them . I once spoke to one on the phone but she was nothing to do with me ,she just happened to answer the phone .i told her what I want to know but at least she was honest she didn’t make things up or lie.she just simply said I’m sorry I don’t know anything to do with things like that I said it’s ok. That was it.but I was glad she did not just make things up.
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Yes there are some lovely social workers but they are very few and far between. My local office are awful, but I am very good friends with a retired very senior social worker and we go on holiday together every year!
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@Teddybear, the social workers I’m talking about are the ones who are suppose to help the long term sick and disabled and their respective family members. I’ve had no such help at all. I’m sure your niece is an exception. Anyway, helping kids is a different ball game. I’m sure there a decent social workers out there but, I’ve yet to find them. And I’m sure there are many, many people in the same boat across the UK. If it were up to me, I’d like to see social workers and various care organizations named and shamed not just through the media but on a website if they are abusing their authority and if their work is below standards. It would probably shock them into life. Just a thought.
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@bowlingbun, your right. The decent social workers are few and far between. As I mentioned in one of my posts, it’s a shame we can’t name and shame the social workers who are bad at their jobs. They are suppose to help the long term sick and disabled plus their family members, not hinder them.
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One thing I saw was that you spoke to CAB.
I don’t know much about them but I think they will be helpful.
If you end up making a formal complaint, if you can, try and get someone from the CAB to be something like a case-worker for you. Someone who knows the system and knows the best way to navigate it.
I didn’t have anyone and had to do this on my own. I did my best but was obviously doomed because the people I was up against have years of experience in defending their actions.
One word of advice, if you are offered an “independent investigator” by your local authority, be very aware that there is nothing independent about them. They are not to be trusted. Tell them the bare bones of your complaint and don’t assume anything you tell them is confidential between you and them. I even asked my ‘independent investigator’ if my communication with him was confidential, to which he said yes. Later, he published my confidential emails in his report.
I complained to the Ombudsman about this, but they didn’t want to know, siding with the establishment!
It is very difficult to complain to the Ombudsman, they have cut-off times that they don’t publish until it is almost too late. They also have lengthy extension times. The extension times favour themselves and the people you are making the complaint about while the cut-off times disadvantage you, the complainant. You, the complainant, are disadvantaged at every step. I think it is deliberately designed to make you give up. In short, everything is designed to delay and discourage you from making and following through with a complaint. But be tenacious and stick with it. You might not win, but at least you know you made your best valiant attempt to obtain some justice.
As I say, The CAB, as far as I know, are not funded by the same people you are making a complaint about.
If the people you are complaining about fund their own investigator, don’t be surprised when the investigator finds against you. The system appears to be somewhat corrupt and I think the CAB are staffed and funded by people who don’t derive their income from their system.
Anyone who offers to help and proclaims to be independent, listen to what they have to say and find out who pays them. This will inform you of how much you can trust them. Don’t trust anyone from your local authority who might claim to be independent and who wants to help. They are not independent and they do not want to help, they want to subvert you.
Good luck and best wishes
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TBH I would think a lot of the caring social workers would not be able to cope with the stress or the ‘system’ and either leave or go off sick? I had a Social Worker as one of my social group a year or so ago - she had taken early retirement. I asked her how I should handle E walking in to the traffic and not stopping at the lights and my worry about him causing an accident. She said that if I contacted Adult Social Care they would do NOTHING until an accident happened and this was one of the reasons she retired early. She was articulate and I would imagine quite senior….. So I think those that ‘remain’ are probably quite hard as they have no other choice? I wont demonise them but her comment was one of the reasons I have not contacted Adult Social care.
Hello Alison yes I believe that to a-lot of the social workers who are kind and caring would not be able to cope with the stress or the system.and they would either leave or go off sick . They would want to help but would not be able to because the system prevented them. I know my niece did one job for 12 years it was very stressful job she did not say a lot about as she would not be allowed to do.But it was making her ill, the stress of the job was ,but after 12 years of that job it was enough. But after 12 year she went to a different job in children’s social care she loves this job. They ask her sometimes if she will help with her old job to a-bit as they’re so short staffed. She said to me she didn’t mind doing a couple of cases to help out. But she said I could not go back to it. But you see my niece would have give her old job which I think was very stressful in court a lot which my mum said she didn’t like. All she had got .she would have fought for people with everything she had that’s what shes like.But I know they will be so different children’s care and adult care. But the adult care ones I had what upset me was they did not even try to help.i was just ignored. Ask a question they don’t like and im ignored. Yes I think you are right saying they are quite hard .thats how I found the two that rung me.i felt like they had been told these things by the council. Save money, so they behaved that way because the council told them to. I shouldn’t demonise them sorry for that. But the way they behaved to me was shocking. I’m not saying that there aren’t nice ones. It’s just finding them.
If you don’t mind me asking is E your husband. Just so I know who you are talking about. That is not good what your friend said that until E had an accident they would do nothing. What about preventive measures. I thought they were suppose to have preventive measures for things. Bad isn’t it that you have to have an accident before they do anything.i think it’s because now a days everything is about money. So we won’t do anything until anything happens that way we will save some money,.people are more important than money
I’ll tell you something which shocked me.long story but just tell you the main point. A lot of things happened in hospital not good. But there were few nice people who nice stuck up for me. Helped me. There was a wonderful doctor.others rather grumpy but again it was because they were so busy no time for everything.you saw a different doctor everyday. This lovely doctor I saw him everyday for a week then he was shipped somewhere else. Then 3 months later back he came and he was on my ward he said I’m here for a week.he could see I was in the same state he left me. The pain was out of this world. He did not know what to do. Not that he didn’t know medically what to do that he couldn’t do. The doctors were only allowed to give paracetamol prescribe or things like that .anything higher had to go to pain team and I supposed to consultant.who ignored me all time was in there. I was crying in pain. I knew he was lovely doctor so couldn’t understand why he doing nothing changing meds.he said to me I cannot help you my hands are tied , he said have you ever worked anywhere where you want to help you want to do some good ,but the powers that be won’t let you. I said no but I’ve heard it.i said it’s him isn’t it ,it’s the consultant he’s stopping people from helping me .he said nothing but his face said it all.i said to him would you do something for me I said tell that consultant when I get out of hospital and I feel better I will report him. And he said I’ve told him.and I have done ,so I wonder if it’s like that for Adult social workers that there told don’t do anything about things till they happened. Don’t give them this give them that because it’s cheaper. Don’t tell them that because it will cost money. You never know. But my niece would do her job what needed doing she would do. She would not even think of money. The first social worker that came she was damp right rude. But the second one I felt like she wanted to help but couldn’t because she was nice.i even went to school with her so I knew her. But when I would not do what they wanted she suspended my care. Which I know unlawful.but I just started to walk so I could move. I thought stuff you. It’s not been easy. But take my time. I just pray I don’t get worse ,and I’m dreading getting old.if they can behave to me like this now. And if your friend said they would do nothing .i was going to say ask around where you live to see who is a nice one but her saying that isn’t good is it.i think there all programmed to save money, you must save money. So can’t do there job cos the council is saying that. I may be wrong I don’t know.
Do you care all on your own Alison ? Must be a lot when you are on your own . I hope E is not too bad. Have a lovely Sunday. Nice to chat sending love.
@Teddybear I have been married to E for 35 years. He is nearly 87 and I am 64. TBH I wish I had NEVER married him. He drank heavily and was a high functioning alcoholic but in 1990 I was not aware of this we met late April married in August. It worked ok when we had the businesses although I was very much the ‘junior’. But he started to drink very heavily when we retired. TBH I am ‘waiting it out’ and at the risk of sounding hard best thing for me is for him to go into hospital. He has little quality of life and seems to hate everyone. He was never very social and my friends hate him as they can see how close he is driving me to clinical depression or worse. In happier times we used to show and breed the cats and tbh if I did not have so many I would divorce him as I no longer like him yet alone love him. NO one should have to be frightened in their own home.
I am hoping to get see his GP as I am in the process of moving to his surgery to see if we can expedite a brain scan. He has lost his sense of smell and had an ‘acute on chronic brain heamatoma’ back in 2013. He is medically non compliant. So yes I am waiting and PRAYING for an emergency but at the same time do not want to be accused of ‘neglect’. I am totally broken by caring and tbh if Ihad my life again would NOT have had him back in 2013. Yes I try to look after him alone as he wont do things at set times and also I want to keep MY private pension for when he dies or goes into a home.
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@Teddybear, nice you have someone on your side, especially your niece. Me? No such luck. As many of us on the forum have said, many of us are getting a rough deal from social workers. I am one of many on the forum and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are many more that we don’t know about. As I said, you are one of the lucky ones. I’m glad your niece is sticking by you. 
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@DSmith hello, I sent you a reply to your message it’s just below your message.so stressed I just realised I forgot to put your name on it I hope that you get it.i hope you are having a good day.
@Teddybear, these are one of the many routes I’m exploring. But it’s trying to get these people to listen. But I’ll definitely chase this up. Once I have a few personal matters sorted then I’ll chase it up.
P.S. I live in Wythenshawe, Manchester. My mum is in a care home in Salford. And it wasn’t through choice, it was forced on us by the social worker.
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@JohnnyBoy good .i know what you mean the hardest part is getting these people to listen. That is the hardest part they just don’t listen. Yes chase it up . In the past I’ve seen few stories where people have done that. Then once she is home and starts to get better.you and her could then adjust things to suit you both. The priority is getting her own any way possible. Did she have physio to Johnnyboy. When she is over this virus and feels better if she is able to walk. Get her some physio, ask them for physio for her.and say you want them to come every week . Not once a month or anything. But every week then that will help her.if she stand. Don’t let them say no. Have to push. District nurse said to me once you have to fight anything you want. I hope you feeling abit better and resting and your mum is doing ok.
@JohnnyBoy hiya just checking that you are ok and to see how you are doing if you are feeling better and how your mum is to. That’s a trek isn’t it you live in wythenshaw and your mum is in Salford.how far apart is that. Couldn’t they have put her somewhere nearer in wythenshaw .i have been to wythenshaw once along time ago to the hospital.anyway I hope that you are ok. Take care.
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7 posts were split to a new topic: Condolences for @johnnyboy