As I’ve mentioned before (many time in fact), that I’ve been a carer for (until recently) for 30+yrs. Having read the many comments on here since I joined, it seems to me we are all getting the sharp end of the stick. I know that peoples circumstances are different, but why are the services who are suppose to help us keep on hindering us? Call me daft if you like, but in a society of so-called equality and fairness, why are we been treated like we are nothing to these people? Why in their eyes are we “an inconvenience” to them? It’s made me wonder. Should we be treated more fairly by the social services/workers, the local councils and by the government? What do you (in this forum) think?
If it wasn’t for disabled people and their carers they would be out of a job! They might visit for an hour or two. Who is caring the rest of the time? Often an unpaid family carer.
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I’m a Social Worker Survivor.
I was new to caring some 5 years ago and had no idea of my rights.
I approached my local carers centre, but they were no help.
I found that there is no-one available to help you navigate the system and help you enforce your rights. I was at the mercy of hostile social workers.
I determined that I was on my own in this and that I had to help myself as there was no-one to help and advise.
This led to me having to use their published complaints procedures and hold them to it. It wasn’t easy and I learned that those who appear claiming to help, are unfortunately not to be trusted.
It hasn’t been an easy time, but over time, I learned more about the system and how to use it to hold these people to account.
I treat every communication with them with High Alert, I ask them why they want to talk with me, what is the purpose of their communication, and I put as many spanners into their plans that I can if I feel their agenda is harmful.
I have survived this so far and I’m quite proud to have done so!
It’s sad that it is like this, but it is like this, much as I wish it wasn’t.
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@DSmith, sadly, this is one of many examples of a broken system. Like my mother’s current and previous social worker(s), they just want an easy time. I’ve learned to my cost that they are more a hinderance than help. They are even messing up my life. My rights as mum’s carer have been stripped away from me by the care home & social services/workers. I still want to help her in my own capacity. Reading what you’ve said, I’ll take some of the advice on board. I’ve already made complaints about them but so far, no luck. I’ll also start putting spanners into their works, because their agenda is no helpful to me at all. For me, I feel they are playing God with my life and my mum’s life. Thanks for that. 
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I agree with what you have all said. From all I have read of people’s messages and my life.all social workers to do with Adult Care seem to do is make people’s life’s more hard than they were and make them miserable and stressed out. I found them controlling all they wanted was to say what they wanted to do and if I spoke they just ignored me like I had not even spoke just carried on with there conversation.someone said this to me once who had been a carer for a long time. This was before I even knew what social workers were like.she said if a social worker rings you and wants to come and see you it’s for there benefit not yours.she said tell them nothing unless you have to do. Or as little as possible .At the time I laughed when she said that.she was so right. I don’t know why they are like it wouldn’t it be a far nicer job for them if they were honest, kind caring and really did try to help people.I think they think of unpaid carers as free labour and that they are more superior than anyone else. You would think Councils would treasure you and help you because at the end of the day you are helping them by looking after your loved ones.
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@Teddybear, your statement is another case of one rule for them, other rules for us. As I mentioned, I believe we are treated as an “inconvenience” by these organizations. Reading other peoples posts, I’m starting to wonder what is the point of social workers?
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That’s a good word inconvenience. It certainly seems that way, and about social workers I know what you mean. My niece is a social worker but she deals with children and she is lovely. She did not what to do but report them . There must be a few nice social workers it’s just finding them . I once spoke to one on the phone but she was nothing to do with me ,she just happened to answer the phone .i told her what I want to know but at least she was honest she didn’t make things up or lie.she just simply said I’m sorry I don’t know anything to do with things like that I said it’s ok. That was it.but I was glad she did not just make things up.
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Yes there are some lovely social workers but they are very few and far between. My local office are awful, but I am very good friends with a retired very senior social worker and we go on holiday together every year!
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@Teddybear, the social workers I’m talking about are the ones who are suppose to help the long term sick and disabled and their respective family members. I’ve had no such help at all. I’m sure your niece is an exception. Anyway, helping kids is a different ball game. I’m sure there a decent social workers out there but, I’ve yet to find them. And I’m sure there are many, many people in the same boat across the UK. If it were up to me, I’d like to see social workers and various care organizations named and shamed not just through the media but on a website if they are abusing their authority and if their work is below standards. It would probably shock them into life. Just a thought.
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@bowlingbun, your right. The decent social workers are few and far between. As I mentioned in one of my posts, it’s a shame we can’t name and shame the social workers who are bad at their jobs. They are suppose to help the long term sick and disabled plus their family members, not hinder them.
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@DSmith All what you have wrote I agree with it all. I am going through it all at the moment .they put me through months of hell when I came out of hospital.when I would not do what they wanted me to do l they suspended my care.lol luckily I could just about walk abit. The district nurses went mad ,said if ever you need us ring us .i said thankyou. Then this social worker had the nerve after suspending my care to send an email to see how I was .i thought get stuffed and never replied. Suspended my care and then wanted to see how I was . To be honest glad to get rid off them. They did nothing but stress me out. Being ill was bad enough they just added to it. I said you’re not allowed to ring so don’t ring. Email only. I said do not come to my house you’re not allowed in , no one with authority is lol. Doctors. Nurses. Carers were. So now all being reported wrote to quality care team they sent it all to manager to investigate,the lady quality care team she seems nice ,she said if they don’t help it will go senior manager. Then if they don’t ombudsman .but whatever happens I am going to write to the ombudsman and tell them everything. So they can investigate them so if there is any other people being treated like this. The social works I’m going to report to social works I hope that is the right place. In hospital was just as bad long story.they are being investigated by PALS then I will send it to PHSO. if they are found negligence, professional misconduct,breach of duty ,breach of care. I’ll sue hospital .but they don’t need to tell my I already know from how they treated me.i never complained about anything till last year.till all this. You see it all on the television it’s far worse.i treated them with high alert. Everything they told me was lieings. I found the only person who help me was I rung my local social services one time.i must have been luckily this lady answered the phone she was nice. She said quality care team ,she gave me the email address said write to them what your telling me is not good. She said write as much as you can the more the better and everything else you remember. She said also ring the citizens advice so I rung the cab they wrote letter .i wrote to emails and told them everything . And it’s all under investigation. Could have done without all this , have enough off on . But I had no choice.everything you wrote I can relate to.
I hope that you are ok now . I hope that you got everything sorted out. Have a nice day.
One thing I saw was that you spoke to CAB.
I don’t know much about them but I think they will be helpful.
If you end up making a formal complaint, if you can, try and get someone from the CAB to be something like a case-worker for you. Someone who knows the system and knows the best way to navigate it.
I didn’t have anyone and had to do this on my own. I did my best but was obviously doomed because the people I was up against have years of experience in defending their actions.
One word of advice, if you are offered an “independent investigator” by your local authority, be very aware that there is nothing independent about them. They are not to be trusted. Tell them the bare bones of your complaint and don’t assume anything you tell them is confidential between you and them. I even asked my ‘independent investigator’ if my communication with him was confidential, to which he said yes. Later, he published my confidential emails in his report.
I complained to the Ombudsman about this, but they didn’t want to know, siding with the establishment!
It is very difficult to complain to the Ombudsman, they have cut-off times that they don’t publish until it is almost too late. They also have lengthy extension times. The extension times favour themselves and the people you are making the complaint about while the cut-off times disadvantage you, the complainant. You, the complainant, are disadvantaged at every step. I think it is deliberately designed to make you give up. In short, everything is designed to delay and discourage you from making and following through with a complaint. But be tenacious and stick with it. You might not win, but at least you know you made your best valiant attempt to obtain some justice.
As I say, The CAB, as far as I know, are not funded by the same people you are making a complaint about.
If the people you are complaining about fund their own investigator, don’t be surprised when the investigator finds against you. The system appears to be somewhat corrupt and I think the CAB are staffed and funded by people who don’t derive their income from their system.
Anyone who offers to help and proclaims to be independent, listen to what they have to say and find out who pays them. This will inform you of how much you can trust them. Don’t trust anyone from your local authority who might claim to be independent and who wants to help. They are not independent and they do not want to help, they want to subvert you.
Good luck and best wishes
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Thankyou for your lovely email ,it is very kind of you. So how did you go on in the end or are you still fighting them .i know the council are corrupt most council are. I would never trust a social worker in adult care. My niece is a social worker she is lovely ,she said to me I wish someone would help you she .she is a children’s social worker. She said to me report them .i know you have to follow the complaints protocol , so what choice do you have. I wrote everything down to the quality care team which it said to do on the website and what I lady of a department told me to do, she seemed genuine.ive spoken to people from the council in the past who could not careless .you can tell the difference. This lady said what the council was doing to me was not good. I was surprised when she said contact the citizens advice bureau .i was going to do anyway. I think she said that to me because she knew the council was wrong. I don’t know who runs the citizens advice bureau.i never thought of that . But I know they are independant they don’t take sides but they help. When I wrote to the quality care team , the lady said she would sent it to a manager to investigate. Then if I did not agree it would go to an senior manager. Then I would have to send it to the ombudsman. She said to me would you like an advocate to help you.is that what you meaning by independant investigator ,an advocate that they recommend .i said no thankyou. I think ombudsman are useless .i mean what do they actually do.
My complaint has gone in I wrote formal complaint on it I wrote everything the had put me through in 4.5 months. I mean everything .i told them they were breaking the law. That the social workers were not fit to do there job .i wrote all the care laws out quoting them ,everything. Two whole emails. hopefully they will sort it out.
I don’t know what a case worker is really. I don’t think the cab can be a caseworker can they . Because I think they have to be independent .they can advice and give advice and help .but they cannot take sides .the lady who wrote my letter was nice and sent it with my emails .she said if they don’t sort it come back and I’ll do you a letter for the ombudsman .i said ok thankyou. I think they must be used to getting complaints. So now I wait for the response it should be here the next few days. I thought if they don’t do anything ,I’ll ask for it to go to the director of adult social care . Everything they did to me. I wrote all the laws next to it. I know they broke the law so many times. I know there still doing it to people. I know there not following the care act. I know there charging people for things that are not to be charged for and should be include in there care package. But how do you stop it. The council dont discipline there staff. So how are they held accountable .any other organisations would be fined ,staff would be sacked why are councils and hospitals not.that is why I was going to write to the ombudsman to help other people and stop this.whether I can is another thing.
It’s gone to a manager to be investigated, then if not solved senior manager ,them ombusman. I don’t trust anyone who is independant because I don’t know them .if ever I’ve had a problem I’ve gone to the citizens advice bureau no one else.
So why would the ombudsman not help you and sided with your council. Has your complaint finished or are you still fighting.
I don’t know how a manager could find against me because he would not be following the law. Because they have broken the law. Do you still have carers now.
Not only have I got all this with the council I’ve got the same with the hospital so complaints have gone in there to. The last 20 months of my life has been a nightmare. I have to finish all my complaints tommorrow and then that will go to PALS and the complaint department. I know they are based in the hospital. I don’t know who pays them. But you have to use them because you can’t go to the parliament of health ombudsman before you use the PALS.the man at PALS said we will do a through investigation .which I don’t really believe but I’m just going to see what they do. Then it will go to the parliament of health ombudsman. I may even get a solicitor and sue the hospital. I said to the man at PALS when you have done it will go to the PHSO. he said oh you won’t have to do that it will be sorted. I said no it will not. You do your investigation then it will go to the PHSO. The consultant will be reported to GMC. I don’t know if pals will do anything there in the hospital there supposed to be independant but I think the trust pay there wages I don’t know. But when I told him what had happened he said both the hospital and social services had failed me.
What annoys me .is I could have done without this . The hospital I will just sue them .i have enough on them to sue them. I’m going to read who pay pals now because of your messages so thankyou very much. What a life hey.
Just found out PALS and complaints department are employees of the trust, can you believe it . How can they investigated who they work for that’s ridiculous. I’m going to write and tell them that tommorrow,I’m going have ring solicitors .ive never complained before since last year now I’ve got 4 formal complaints in. Talk about stress.
Are you doing ok. Do you still have care?.so did the council get away with what they done to you. There’s no where else to go is there after the ombudsman only solicitors. Have you given up now the ombudsman sided with the council. I’m so very sorry they have treated you like this. There should be a lot better systems. you take care won’t you.have you ever looked at the caretobedifferent.co.uk website that is very good lots info on care.they don’t like councils either lol.
TBH I would think a lot of the caring social workers would not be able to cope with the stress or the ‘system’ and either leave or go off sick? I had a Social Worker as one of my social group a year or so ago - she had taken early retirement. I asked her how I should handle E walking in to the traffic and not stopping at the lights and my worry about him causing an accident. She said that if I contacted Adult Social Care they would do NOTHING until an accident happened and this was one of the reasons she retired early. She was articulate and I would imagine quite senior….. So I think those that ‘remain’ are probably quite hard as they have no other choice? I wont demonise them but her comment was one of the reasons I have not contacted Adult Social care.
Hello Alison yes I believe that to a-lot of the social workers who are kind and caring would not be able to cope with the stress or the system.and they would either leave or go off sick . They would want to help but would not be able to because the system prevented them. I know my niece did one job for 12 years it was very stressful job she did not say a lot about as she would not be allowed to do.But it was making her ill, the stress of the job was ,but after 12 years of that job it was enough. But after 12 year she went to a different job in children’s social care she loves this job. They ask her sometimes if she will help with her old job to a-bit as they’re so short staffed. She said to me she didn’t mind doing a couple of cases to help out. But she said I could not go back to it. But you see my niece would have give her old job which I think was very stressful in court a lot which my mum said she didn’t like. All she had got .she would have fought for people with everything she had that’s what shes like.But I know they will be so different children’s care and adult care. But the adult care ones I had what upset me was they did not even try to help.i was just ignored. Ask a question they don’t like and im ignored. Yes I think you are right saying they are quite hard .thats how I found the two that rung me.i felt like they had been told these things by the council. Save money, so they behaved that way because the council told them to. I shouldn’t demonise them sorry for that. But the way they behaved to me was shocking. I’m not saying that there aren’t nice ones. It’s just finding them.
If you don’t mind me asking is E your husband. Just so I know who you are talking about. That is not good what your friend said that until E had an accident they would do nothing. What about preventive measures. I thought they were suppose to have preventive measures for things. Bad isn’t it that you have to have an accident before they do anything.i think it’s because now a days everything is about money. So we won’t do anything until anything happens that way we will save some money,.people are more important than money
I’ll tell you something which shocked me.long story but just tell you the main point. A lot of things happened in hospital not good. But there were few nice people who nice stuck up for me. Helped me. There was a wonderful doctor.others rather grumpy but again it was because they were so busy no time for everything.you saw a different doctor everyday. This lovely doctor I saw him everyday for a week then he was shipped somewhere else. Then 3 months later back he came and he was on my ward he said I’m here for a week.he could see I was in the same state he left me. The pain was out of this world. He did not know what to do. Not that he didn’t know medically what to do that he couldn’t do. The doctors were only allowed to give paracetamol prescribe or things like that .anything higher had to go to pain team and I supposed to consultant.who ignored me all time was in there. I was crying in pain. I knew he was lovely doctor so couldn’t understand why he doing nothing changing meds.he said to me I cannot help you my hands are tied , he said have you ever worked anywhere where you want to help you want to do some good ,but the powers that be won’t let you. I said no but I’ve heard it.i said it’s him isn’t it ,it’s the consultant he’s stopping people from helping me .he said nothing but his face said it all.i said to him would you do something for me I said tell that consultant when I get out of hospital and I feel better I will report him. And he said I’ve told him.and I have done ,so I wonder if it’s like that for Adult social workers that there told don’t do anything about things till they happened. Don’t give them this give them that because it’s cheaper. Don’t tell them that because it will cost money. You never know. But my niece would do her job what needed doing she would do. She would not even think of money. The first social worker that came she was damp right rude. But the second one I felt like she wanted to help but couldn’t because she was nice.i even went to school with her so I knew her. But when I would not do what they wanted she suspended my care. Which I know unlawful.but I just started to walk so I could move. I thought stuff you. It’s not been easy. But take my time. I just pray I don’t get worse ,and I’m dreading getting old.if they can behave to me like this now. And if your friend said they would do nothing .i was going to say ask around where you live to see who is a nice one but her saying that isn’t good is it.i think there all programmed to save money, you must save money. So can’t do there job cos the council is saying that. I may be wrong I don’t know.
Do you care all on your own Alison ? Must be a lot when you are on your own . I hope E is not too bad. Have a lovely Sunday. Nice to chat sending love.
@Teddybear I have been married to E for 35 years. He is nearly 87 and I am 64. TBH I wish I had NEVER married him. He drank heavily and was a high functioning alcoholic but in 1990 I was not aware of this we met late April married in August. It worked ok when we had the businesses although I was very much the ‘junior’. But he started to drink very heavily when we retired. TBH I am ‘waiting it out’ and at the risk of sounding hard best thing for me is for him to go into hospital. He has little quality of life and seems to hate everyone. He was never very social and my friends hate him as they can see how close he is driving me to clinical depression or worse. In happier times we used to show and breed the cats and tbh if I did not have so many I would divorce him as I no longer like him yet alone love him. NO one should have to be frightened in their own home.
I am hoping to get see his GP as I am in the process of moving to his surgery to see if we can expedite a brain scan. He has lost his sense of smell and had an ‘acute on chronic brain heamatoma’ back in 2013. He is medically non compliant. So yes I am waiting and PRAYING for an emergency but at the same time do not want to be accused of ‘neglect’. I am totally broken by caring and tbh if Ihad my life again would NOT have had him back in 2013. Yes I try to look after him alone as he wont do things at set times and also I want to keep MY private pension for when he dies or goes into a home.
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@Alison_1970 gosh you have got a lot on your plate.im so sorry you are going through all that .you must be worn out by it all.i can understand why you wish you had not married him.But i think that he should have told you about his drinking before you got married. You had a right to know that. What sort of businesses did you have .i suppose when you had them he was busy had things to do and when he retired because he did not have work anymore then the heavy drinking came back. TBH that is the best thing you can do if you are able to is wait it out. The only problem with waiting for him to go into hospital they can’t wait to get you back out again .But if he was that bad he would go into a care home. But what you need to make sure is your finances are sorted for that if you know what I mean you don’t want the council to come to you for money. You know what you’re doing about all that sort of stuff don’t you. Because the council are relentless .there is a website called caretobedifferent.co.uk you could have a look at that.its the best website I’ve found,everything about care is on it . All the laws .there should be a section on if my husband goes into a nursing home .etc, so you know your rights and the law you probably do. But remember social workers lie, do not trust them , anything they tell you research it or go on the forum and ask. The social workers lied to me , I wasn’t stupid.i told them to stop lieing. They been reported the whole episode 5 months of living hell. All they wanted was my money wouldn’t pay because I knew I did not have to .hospital should have put me on continued healthcare I had primary health needs ,they gave me 6 weeks enablement. I told them put me on continued healthcare because I knew what social services would be like when they came out and they were if I’m honest they were worse.they care only about money .money came first. I was glad to get rid off them and if I can keep them out of my life I will. But when I came out of hospital had no choice as I could not walk at all. So,I had to have them , and keysafe and hospital bed downstairs or they would not release me. It’s all long story all on my page if your ever bored lol. A lovely lady warned me about them she came to care for me she used to own a care agency but she sold it to the agency who came to care for me and she got a job there and all her staff did. Cos she 59 she said it was getting to much to run. And she said to me never trust a social worker, tell them nothing or as little as possible. And don’t tell them how much money you have and I didn’t do. I wouldn’t pay for the care I kept asking CHC they kept ignoring me so they cancel my care. Sent me a huge bill £8,500 I said I’m not paying it. They sent invoices, reminders, with threats of court. I found that website I told you about on here. I read and read. Till I knew it all. The first thing I read was don’t pay care costs till you have had CHC assessment.it said what’s the point in paying costs you going to have to claim back it could take years. It said if they threat you with court don’t bother they won’t take you it would cost more to take you court.so I kept saying no. I don’t think social workers knew what to do I don’t think they had ever heard the word no lol. One of the carers said it’s because your not an old person with dementia they can go on at and will do what they want.so someone told me about quality care team said write to them tell them. As much information as you can and ring citizens advice bureau, so I did i wrote it all, citizens advice bureau wrote told them they had to stop the letters. All gone to manager to be investigated, I wrote all the laws of that website so they knew them . It’s all gone quiet. Should here soon.so I wait and see. But if you can do without them do without them because once there in your life how your husband is.it be hard get rid off them. All them would want is your money. Even if I win the council I will still write to the ombudsman to check all the things they are doing as I know they are doing unlawful, things and not following ,the care act .to try and help others.if you go on that website when you go to the bottom of the pages in the comments people write there stories.website tells them to,dont let him drive you to depression.keep your mind active. Read , colour adult colouring books, puzzles.what sort of cats have you got? Are they show cats. What’s there names. Does E interact with the cats.divources are very expensive . No you should not be frightened in your own house. My house is my santuary I’m safe in here and not one can touch me. My house is what has kept me going all these years.does your husband frighten you at home, can’t you tell him to stop that. Do you think he needs some medicine how he is. When you see his go,could you get him to see him.could it be the heamatoma that is causing him to be like that. To cause how he is. It’s no excuse. He shouldn’t be like it. But it’s not helping .its so sad . What is medically non compliant .ive seen other people write that I had never heard of it before,you won’t be accused of neglect . How long have you cared for him. Is he mobile and that can he do things. Do you think whatever happened to him in 2013 changed him.do not ever mention money to social,services if he goes into a care home ask for a CHC assessement not by a social,worker they will say no before they even done it. You ring your local intregrated care board you ask for a CHC assessment. You refuse to pay any money till he’s had one of them. That’s how you fight them. You don’t mention your private pension to them or care home or anyone like that. It’s none of there business. That website will tell you everything brilliant. They update it. They will go on about money if the time comes . You fight back. But don’t let a social,worker do,it.they don’t know what there doing. ICB .do you still work now. I wish he was nicer to you. Could the doctor get him to see someone to do with brains the after affects of what he had to see if they can do anything. I’d better go I’ve wrote a book. You take care, stay strong. Sending hugs.
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@Teddybear, nice you have someone on your side, especially your niece. Me? No such luck. As many of us on the forum have said, many of us are getting a rough deal from social workers. I am one of many on the forum and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are many more that we don’t know about. As I said, you are one of the lucky ones. I’m glad your niece is sticking by you. 
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@johnnyboy don’t know about on my side she only comes once or twice a year. She could come more but says so busy. But I won’t ask . But she said report them everyone said to do, and hospital to. But it’s not easy. Why do these people have to be so awkward.there are thousands johnny literally thousands .everyone I read on the forum, even the carers who used to care for me used to tell me stories of them. I convinced they are programmed to save money.I think the councils continually tell them to do.so even if we ever met a nice social worker they would not be able to help even if they wanted to do .as they will have the words of the council in there head save money. A district nurse said to me that things have got worse since march but I think she meant the march before when laws changed. My dad was paying £200 a month towards his care .then in early 2024 he received a letter ,I don’t think he ever saw that letter because he was in very poorly he ended up in hospital and he passed away in the may 2024.The letter my sister told me said that from June 2024 is care was going up from £200 to £1,550 a month. My sister said I’m glad he’s passed she meant it in a nice way. She said he’d have been so stressed .i said the costs would have probably finished him off.so it’s what happened that year and probably last year to. March before April the start off the year financially for these places. The company’s ,councils see they have been given less funding, have to do something so will put care costs up. So my dads contrib would gone up 7x and then last year would have been even more.not one thought about people. If you have looked at the CHC checklist and in your opinion you think she would pass it. I would ring your local CAB ask them to do a letter to your local intregrated care board requesting a CHC assessment. It’s the nurses at these places that do them. Then if she gets that you can then try get her home by having enough care. They would not be able to use that excuse then.
Only other thing I can think off but I don’t know your and your mums situation .so I’m talking without knowing facts so please forgive me if I say anything wrong. Do you live in your home and your mum live in her home. Could you go live with your mum. So you lived together.as if you did there would not be so much of a battle.you could say I am taking responsibility for my mum ,I am going to go live with her and care for her.i don’t think they would be able to object .your mum also said that is what she wanted to do . Then you could get the 4x carer package a day to help you with mum at her home. You would be there ,you would be there at night.
I doubt they would be able to say anything. You taking responsibility for your mum ,you are going to live with your mum ,you and the 4x carer package are going to take care of your mum . I think that will get her out. You may have to fight but keep arguing back. Say I’m going to take over responsibility of my mum with a care package x 4 calls a day.i will be there at night. So that’s all her needs covered.
Are you able to do that ?.are you able to go live with her?. Or her come live with you?. That way she would have as much care as the care home with you living there to. I don’t know what your relationship is if you would both like that and you would want that.
If the answer is yes. You tell the council this .you tell them that you are taking responsility for your mother that you are going to live with her. That you want sorting the full care package 4x calls at home. You want a keysafe arranging, you want a telecare monitor installed , and you want a hospital bed. .
Before mum got virus I know she had stroke but before virus could she walk, could she walk a little bit. Is there room in living room for bed .all the things I just wrote come with the care package social services should arrange them. I think they would have to release her then . If you are prepared to live with her. And all the things above .they would have no choice.all bases would be covered.
That is the best route at the moment. You would still have to fight if social worker or care manager say anything . You say that’s my mums wishes and my wishes . All the care will be covered. All things will be put in place. Just keep repeating that sentence yours and mums wishes and all care will be covered.i will be living with her.
That’s if you are willing to go live with her or her come live with you. Which ever is the best.
Tell the social worker this is your mums and your wishes . So could they please start arranging the package of care for home and the items I’ve said.dont ask .tell them say can you. If they start with excuses say if you do not do this I am going to write to the director of adult care and tell him all this.
That might make them think. If they still won’t listen write all this to the quality care team should have email adress on council website. Comes under feedback and complaints. They will send the email to who is the person to deal with it .you could also write to the director of social care tell him.
This is your best option to get her out. But it all depends on whether you will live with her.
Even with all the other things your doing it will be hard , because they will keep throwing the needs care at you. But with you living with her they can’t use that.
Then you can still apply for the deputyship, you can still apply for the CHC .do all the things your doing,.
But even with deputyship they may listen to you , but it won’t get her out if they saying needs more care. You living with her takes that obstacle away.
I was once told to get someone back out of a care home is extremely difficult.the consultant was trying to put me in one would not let me home. Said I did not have capacity when I did. This has been reported. Even though the discharge co ordinator, the doctors, my niece , my sister even though she hates me I thought she stuck me in one out of spite but said she wanted me home. And all the other medical people but they all have to agree. In the end my friend in hospital Who was qualified to do one gave me a mental health assessment a week later I was home .how surprising.thats one reasons I’m reporting it.so all those people wanted me to go home but him.
So just think what im saying ,dont just say im doing lots of things.think about this could you live with your mum. I feel this is your way out off this.
Then the other things you carry on doing. You sound sort of person like I was. 4 months in hospital bed changed me. So if you are able to live with mum. You tell all this to social worker. You don’t ask you tell them I am going to be living with mum so all care with 4 calls will be covered, you get the items installed . They should arrange for district nurse to come for things she needs. If she used to be able to walk abit before virus ,the social worker also arranges physio to come at home.
So it all comes down to whether you can live with your mum. I think that is the best option to get her out at the present time.
Carry on with the other things they will be long drawn out. But you will then have them for the future. I’m sure that I have read people doing this to enable to get parents home or they would have been put in a care home. You still have battle they are controlling, but with you living there, carers coming in 4 times a day. Nurses coming, physio coming. Doctors coming all bases are covered.
I’m sorry you are going through this but from the things I’ve read this is what people do. Then if you put in for continued health care and get it later on .you and your mum can review the situation. These seem to be how some people stop there mums and dad being put in care home they take responsibility of them and live together. You are her son . Try it. Be forceful I know it’s hard to do. Don’t be rude. Say this is our wishes and what we want. Other people have done this so they came home. It all depends how ill she is , but if you are going to live together you would be there and the care package. take care. If I was in your situation that is what I would be doing. Then I would carry on with the other things your doing.
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@DSmith hello, I sent you a reply to your message it’s just below your message.so stressed I just realised I forgot to put your name on it I hope that you get it.i hope you are having a good day.