I just feel like I am done

So the hearing was today, and well not a great outcome. I think mum may have been abit hasty, but the male has also clearly lied to the courts. Mum has to now get a defense and return in two weeks, great more waiting whilst panicking.

Mum called me after crying and she went to the solicitors but they were closed. So will have to wait till Monday.

By this time I was so out of it, my whole body was shivering. I called social services to let them know what was happening and surprise surprise her social worker was out. I got put straight through to another duty social worker. He was nice, but unaware. I basically cried to him and told him I can’t cope anymore. I told him that I am very ill. I am anxious, and I am scared. I am scared that I am going to lose my mum when I have already lost my dad and I don’t know what to do. I told them I can no longer do half the things I have been because it is seriously impacting my health. I was so distressed. I was sobbing uncontrollably to the social worker. He asked if my siblings could take over but they are younger than me. He stopped when I said one was 20 years old. I just can’t carry on.

This was the reason why I took the day off work since I knew I couldn’t cope. We also had a new starter today joining our small team, and I am sick already. I have caught the flu. All that in the office I knew I wouldn’t have coped. The owner was also in today.

I am just done with all this really. I am fed up of feeling like crap all the time and not knowing what to expect from one time to another. I do believe she is innocent mostly, but that is not the point.

The point is she is guilty of getting herself in the predicaments in the first place. As a carer I can fill out forms but she just seems to be a magnet for danger.

You are in my prayers.

Thanks . I had my counselling appointment earlier too. It’s two weeks until my next one.

I realised today just how many meds I am having to take and it wasn’t normal.

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Maybe keep a list on the fridge in order to refer back to. Alternatively you can always maintain a neat list on a sheet of paper. Write down the brand names, dosage information and times. Also record who gave you the medication. Try to include other important facts like any contact numbers for the specialist. Then make a quick note on your own feelings about the medication in question plus the full reason for it. Good luck. I used to do this when I needed to take my medication. It helped me to actively cope between appointments. I even kept a running list of alternative names of all medications plus other facts were mentioned.

I hope you and your mum will be ok I know how you feel, having to do everything whilst having the flu is virtually impossible. Every time I got up to make food, drink, sort out the cat and dog, I would vomit. I could only make beans on toast.
Right now I’m struggling with eczema so that makes it hard for me to do stuff.

I hope that guy will help you after you sobbed to him

Hi all. So as things stand mum has gotten herself a solicitor to help her. However, I am still just a nervous wreck over everything. I keep wondering about what may happen and trying to anticipate it all. Mums Idva is helping and her carers remain there. However the social workers are still being annoying and being difficult. They said they would send me a document days ago but they still haven’t sent it. So I will have to chase that up.

I am just burnt out completely and really need a break from it all.

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That is very good news. You are in my prayers as well. Perhaps see if the lawyer can help you deal with the social workers. Always make some brief summary notes too. Best of luck. Maybe also organise a meeting in order to discuss everything.

It’s just difficult. People keep telling me to be positive, but I’m not sure I can right now. I feel like I need to know everything is safe until I can rest. I am just totally burnt out. I have put in a request for a doctors appointment but haven’t heard anything.

I have also in the works rearranging my room. When I moved in the bed was in the middle of the room, but I have pushed it to the wall and moved the drawers to the other side of the room. It’s opened up a whole heap of space, I now have space for a book case too. My bed is much comfier and I can have more plushies alongside it which really help me sleep. Ever since moving the bed I am waking up differently.

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Mum just keeps continuing to annoy me. If I don’t answer her straight away she is resorting to constantly ringing me. Even when I am actively talking to her if I don’t reply straight away she keeps ringing. Last night she asked me to fix something at her house, so I said I will set off once I find and put my shoes on. She didn’t give me chance to put my shoes on and kept ringing me.

She keeps thinking she will get an answer straight away and it is getting on my nerves. It turns out last night that the thing that needed fixing only needed new batteries. I told her it needed new batteries and there was a brand new pack of batteries in the house right next to the damn thing. Why she couldn’t have done it herself I don’t know. This is the second time this week she has asked me to go round to fix something that would take seconds to do. This morning she told me that she has another problem, I told her she would just have to get the carers to help. Instead she wants me to do it, but I am at work. She keeps saying the carers don’t know how to do things. I don’t understand how hard it is to put batteries in something, especially something that didn’t need a screwdriver.

She is acting more entitled, but it is stressing me out. I feel like I cant do anything because if I attempt something she may start pestering me and will annoy me until she gets what she wants.

She just wont think for herself, and is getting very lazy. She is expecting everybody does everything for her.

I no longer see her as my mum really. I look at her and I know she is not a mother figure too me. I know that is a horrible thing to say. I know I am on my own and I have little family now, but that is okay. One day, I may be part of one again, but right now I am happy with the little I have. I don’t feel pressured to maintain relationships either.

Is there any reason why you can’t change your SIM,to a different number, buy or contract a new phone, I’m guessing you don’t want to turn your phone off completely.

You HAVE to disengage for your own mental health. Cannot you discuss this with your counsellor and try to find ways to start doing this? I realise she is your mother but sometimes the bravest thing of all is to walk away for your own survival. Easy for me to say I know.

Start to disengage. Do it slowly.

I am really trying to. I just don’t want to be a carer at all. I know I just can’t provide what mum needs. It’s not like I don’t care or I can’t care. I just can’t do very much to help her. She needs to start taking some responsibility of her own life, if she can’t do that then I feel like she needs the carers more than what she does have.

I don’t want to battle with services that are too overwhelmed to do anything meaningful, but I am overwhelmed too. I am not being defeatist really, I just know I am breaking and I am far too anxious about everything to continue. I need to focus on helping my own anxieties. At the moment every hour of everyday there seems to be something, even minor things that put me on edge. It’s like a constant internal battle between logic, emotion and possibilities. I try to find the answers and I think I have it sussed, and then my brain will go “hey have you thought about this.”

Got to admit I am so scared about what will happen at my mums bail meeting. The solicitor said it’s likely to be put back because the officer is still on sick, but the IDVA said she is likely to get off. I spoke to her about my fears and needing to protect my siblings too.

People always say to me I am very headstrong, I suppose I am for battling this long. However, I am supposed to be the big sister to my siblings who no longer have a dad and mum is mum. I’m their port of call. One of them is very head strong too, but the other is still a kid nearly. She’s always been different and the weaker one. She kind of took the brunt of mums mental health when we were kids. Me and the second one were old enough to understand, but the little one didn’t. She comes to me, but I don’t know I wish I could help her but I can’t.

I feel like people expect me to have all the answers ready and waiting when in reality I don’t. I’m the idiot that’s only just mastered the fried omelette. I’m not Wonder Woman, just because I am headstrong doesn’t make me responsible for all the difficulties.

Once again, mum has called me with yet another emergency. She keeps asking me to do things for her. I barely got in the car when she did it today, she clearly cant manage in her own home

Is it a real emergency? If not, then let the Carers deal with it? You do need to start saying no.

Coolcar, I agree with all the advice above.

However you do it - you need to set boundaries and say - Mum I’ll come and see you once a week on ___day (or whatever you can manage). You have the carers to help you sort things if you need it doing before my visit.’ The idea of two phones is a good idea, so you aren’t disturbed at work; on some phones you can set it up so that calls from your Mum are sent to voicemail or you can reject her call and send a text and say I’m currently unavailable.

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Boundaries are key. Good luck.

Maybe try to see if you can leave the area on a mini vacation. Find a decent rental property or reserve a cheap hotel room online as well. Alternatively you can always take a room in a guesthouse or book a low priced campsite for this summer as well. Good luck. You are in my prayers.
There is a useful guidebook to all campsites in Britain but I simply cannot remember what it was called. In any such situation do make some brief summary notes on your holiday options. There are some nice hotels and campsites in this country. If you are heading abroad I recommend finding travel insurance and vaccinations. Also if you wish to fly then ensure you have a valid passport and know what to do about transport. It sounds like you need a complete break from looking after her for a while at least.

The thing was kind of important. Its related to the gas. She let her meter run dry after I told her not to since it switches the supply off, and you have to do stuff to get it back on again. When it runs down the boiler depressurizes and you have to get the engineers to come and fix it, the meter also needs topping up and you have to get inside the cupboard to press a button to restore the supply.

It’s complicated and only I know how to do it. But she refuses to listen to me. I called the energy company up and they just said to reset it by pressing the buttons on the meter. I told mum I would talk her through it on the phone since it was only going to be pressing a couple of well highlighted buttons. She said no. I kind of told her off. In this instance I will let her off because I can kind of understand and her fears and there are a lot of pipes. However, it was just a case of pressing a red button and then the blue button. Like I say I could have easily talked her through it.

The other day she had me drive to her because an app on her phone froze and she didn’t know how to get it off. Somehow she couldn’t manage to switch the phone off properly.

I am hoping to save to go to London again at some point but it has been very hard gathering some savings. Annoyingly I just had a private parking fine come through for being in a car park for 10 minutes. It literally says I overspent the time there when I stopped in the car park for a good reason. A few weeks ago I slept funny and I knotted my neck abit. I was fine, but I had just driven home and needed a break. I have no evidence so I will just have to pay it. Typical money grabbers. I was onto a good thing this month too, now not so much. However pay day is next week and it will be the first pay of the new rate. I will be about £120 better off a month not including mileage. It’s not perfect but it’s better.

I am hoping to save a few hundred quid and spend a good few days in London. I kind of miss the days where I would just hop on a train and go. I went with my ex late last year but it wasn’t the same. I used to like exploring on my own, as scary as that sounds in london. I know how to protect myself too. There are coach companies that offer trips to Harry Potter studios in the area. I have always wanted to go there.
However, I liked using my own intuition when traveling.