Hi all, I sent a letter to social services following two difficult days. I am trying to write calm but I’m in absolute fits of tears writing this. I have spoken to the out-of-hours safeguarding team too, In floods of tears. I just cried down the phone at the guy. My mum is laying into me so strong that I am broken. I just cant do this anymore.
*Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to you to express that I am deeply annoyed by the complete incompetence displayed by social workers dealing with my mums case. Her social workers and carers have completely neglected her and showed any lack of concern for her welfare causing further complications. *
*At present mum is going through another mental health episode, and before anyone asks if I have called anyone, the police have been called, ambulances, crisis teams, and the safeguarding team yet no one seems to be able to do anything nor have any calls being returned. *
*I have been deeply concerned about her behaviour for some time, and you at social services have done very little to help. In fact, none at all. I have called and called asking for advice on when she will receive help, I have called the safeguarding teams and yet nothing gets done. *
*She has faced a lot of situations with people who abused her, and now she is in a state of deteriorating mental health with no help on what to do next. It is affecting the lives of all three children, I literally found a lump on my body which has not gone away and has been there a month instead of going to a doctor and dealing with it, I have not been able to because I am dealing with this. My youngest sibling, 21, is cutting herself and harming herself all the time. *
*Mum has been the victim of abuse of five people whilst under the care of social services, two of which entered her home and abused her from within. At no point did the carers or social workers show any concern that this was happening. *
*I have called and called about why it is taking so long to get her into an assisted living facility yet there is no answer whatsoever, as for the promise of call backs there is no call backs ever. I know there is a housing crisis, but it is not an excuse to do nothing. She needs constant help from one of these facilities, and frankly a year wait is just not good enough. Yet no one cares, she needs to be considered HIGH priority as there is more to her needs than any box ticking form can ever provide. Mental health is complex and not everyone has an official diagnosis, there is clearly more going on with mum. *
- I have done all I can to help mum and put my own health on the line for her. I now have to take 21 tablets a day for various ailments including mental health, two years ago I was considered healthy. Now I can barely function without these medications, and yet I am still expected to perform as this ‘amazing selfless carer.’ I fear for myself sometimes because I am struggling so much, yet no one cares. The only advice offered is ‘speak to a GP.’ I have been through multiple rounds of therapy which doesn’t work, and I will be on medication for a very long time now, probably indefinitely. *
Mums’ needs are so much more than I can deal with, If I could swap places with my dead father then I would to help her then I would, but everyone knows that I cant. I will forever be a failure for not being able to do so. How can I be a great carer when I can’t provide the one thing mum so desperately needs, right. Why can’t I be the perfect carer and bring my dad back from the dead because that is what we do right, we do the impossible for the people we love the most.
*I have tried so hard to help my mum, but her mental health is so fragile. I am killing every ounce of myself to care for her when I can’t. *
*If mum doesn’t get her own way, she comes down on me so hard, and makes it 10 times harder. She believes I don’t care about her and will destroy my mental health in the process. I try to do all I can for her, but it isn’t good enough. I am not good enough. *
*I have taken her out for Christmas, birthday, random meals and all sorts, four since Christmas, yet she thinks I don’t take her out enough times. I bought her everything she wanted for her birthday and yet she thought it was not good enough and threw it all away. *
*On Sunday, I tried to do my normal Sunday routine, that is going out to get my pack up bits for work for the week with my sister. In traditional weekend fashion (note the number of times I have called the safeguarding team) she had yet another fake emergency. Mum has a habit of ringing and ringing and ringing until she gets an answer off me and expects me to stop driving to answer her calls. *
*She instantly started hating on me and my sister for being out together and accusing us of abusing her. I haven’t been anywhere for so long, the only place I did go was to London for work, which work paid for, but she doesn’t believe I didn’t go with my sister. She kicks off If I don’t drive her around in the car despite the fact, I can’t afford the petrol, but she believes I do it for my sister. *
*I don’t go anywhere anymore because my mental health is so bad that at times I can’t wake up or I spend the day so tired that I struggle at work. *
*Now because of what happened, mum is telling people that me and my sister are bullies and she’s in a domestic abuse facility in Scarborough. Its not true. But this is the reality, she has so many more mental health needs, yet we are ignored by yourselves. *
*She needs to be in the assisted facility. She needs to be put on high priority. *
*I want out to attend to my own mental health because this is killing me. *
*She needs so much more than you are offering. *
Please call me as soon as possible.