Don’t think I can do this anymore

Currently waiting for the ambulance service as my mum has had a fall. She’s lying on the floor where she has been for nearly four hours. She can’t get herself up and I am not able to move her. I don’t know what else to do. For her to agree to me calling 111 is so unusual. I just wish I could do more to help her but my own health is not great - I cannot go on much longer.

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I’m sorry, I don’t have anything useful much to say, just wanted to say I am sorry you and your mum are in this situation.

Hopefully you get some help at home? Have you had a Carer’s Assessment - seeing as you said your own health is not great, you should have one.

Thanks. In A&E. Things not great. Looks like possible COVID or a chest infection.

No, I’ve not had any assessments or help at home. Mum is so stubborn - she didn’t want anyone else coming in, only family. And until two years ago I had family help. It’s just I realise now I am unable to physically move her on my own. Luckily her falls are rare but I know they will probably become more regular. I have one of the same conditions mum has - I look at her and I see my future - only I will have no one to care for me. Sorry for rambling on.

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Thinking of you Soalone and sending cyber hugs. I do hope they keep your mother in hospital where she can get the 24/7 care she needs. I totally get where you are coming from being not able to lift your mother. I weigh 7st and my husband is 9st 7. Please let us know how it goes.

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Right now isn’t the time, but at some point when the dust has settled a bit, you’re going to have to have a discussion with your Mum about the fact that the current situation will only get worse unless she agrees to help from outside. This is not about going into a home - that will be one of her concerns - but about keeping her as independent as possible for as long as possible. But you need to be honest with her and tell her you can’t carry on as things are without help.


Thanks all. Sorry, can’t reply to you individually. Came home to feed the cats (not been fed for 24 hours). It’s worse than I thought - much worse. They are definitely keeping her in - she’s got a massive fight on her hands. Stubborn woman that she is she tried to cope herself and hid things from me. I keep asking myself how could I have not noticed things were so bad? Did I do the right thing persuading her to go to hospital? She has always said she wants to die at home in her own bed (terrified of hospital as am I). Maybe I should not have left. Sorry rambling again.

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If your mother had a fall then you HAD to call am ambulance. You could not stand by and leave her on the floor - she may have broken something? Many older people are terrified of hospital and want to die at home. My husband does BUT no way could I cope and when the time comes, I pray he can go into a hospice.

I honestly think you did the right thing, indeed the only thing. You could not let her suffer and it sounds as if she needed urgent medical treatment.

Cuddle the cats and try to relax as she is being cared for and getting medical treatment .




What a terrifying ordeal for you both, how have you found the strength this sounds like a real low point.

Welcome to the forum.

Well done for being an amazing carer.


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Hi Everyone

Just wanted to post an update - though there’s really not much to update. Mum is hanging on in there, fighting a bad infection and it looks likely she’ll be in hospital for a while but it’s not as critical as it was. I’ll come back and update you all when I can and probably vent a bit. The cats are great listeners but strangely enough they’re not so good at giving advice. I’m going between mum’s and mine feeding her cat and my two.

Thanks for all your kind wishes.


Thanks @soalone for the update. Good that your Mum is now less critical. Make sure you have plenty of cat cuddles/strokes too. We are here when you need us.

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Live in care is a option. This is a care company that I recommend definitely country cousins.

Thanks for the update. My cats are great listeners too but have to agree they do not offer advice.

Please use the time to rest and recharge if you can. Please also think about what will happen when your mother is discharged as is does sound like she may need more care than any one person can provide.

Dear Soalone
Thanks for letting us know.
I am glad you are both safe.
I hope your Mum keeps gaining strength.
Warmly Ula

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Hi again everyone. Finally got time to post an update. Mum’s still in hospital, the infection seems to be under control but they’ve now discovered she’s got blood clots on her lungs. Looks like she’ll be there a while yet and there’s talk of her needing carers when she gets out.

I’m just feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed with everything. Everyone is trying to make decisions for me - ‘you can’t possibly go to the hospital on your own on the bus’ (I got to relax and read my book for an hour), ‘we’ll take you shopping with us every week’ (no thanks I’ll go where I want, when I want and order heavy stuff online) and, the worst of all, ‘you’ll need to sell the two houses and buy one for the both of you together’ (no way, I need my space).


I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. Have you ever had a Carers Assessment? The carers service in your area could possibly help you and look at how they can support you. A lot of the services have their own carers services and can refer to social care for you. It’s so hard when the person that you’re looking after doesn’t want to accept any support because it just means that it all falls to you.


Hi Soalone,

Sorry to hear your Mum is still poorly.

When she is discharged a free care package should be put in place for the first weeks as part of her after care.

Since people are willing to help but are offering the wrong sort of help; think what sort of help you would like and then say, I don’t need a lift to the hospital but if you’d like to help could you … mow the lawn/ wait in for a parcel/ etc etc If they visited your Mum it could also give you a break from visiting.


Dear Soalone
Reading book :open_book:, shopping your way
Having your own home.
These are the things that keep you from getting lost and resource you.
Keep protecting what is precious to you, your freedoms.
Warmly Ula

List the kind of help you need.
This is a general list only

Medication checks
Social outings
House work
Pet care
Skill development

Good luck.

Thanks again all. Just reading my post back, I sound so selfish. It’s not that I’m not grateful for help, I am, but it would be nice to be asked, not told what to do.

It’s just such a rollercoaster right now. Mum is not as well today. One step forward, ten steps back. And I think I’ve started world war 3 within the family this afternoon. Will think about assessments etc tomorrow.

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Dear Soalone,
You are not selfish,
Please try not to judge yourself harshly
You are doing your best
Warm wishes