Hi, this morning I woke to another panic attack. Mum called me again last night in a state saying she wanted to harm herself and that she has had enough of this guy. She was going to far, I told her to speak to a doctor, but she kept going on about ‘Wanting my dad back.’ She kept saying she wanted to harm herself and didn’t want to be here anymore.
This morning the panic attack was awful. I eventually got up. I had to take my courtesy car back to the garage, since it is booked out. I must get the bus to work until I get it back. A colleague picked me up from the garage into work.
The first thing I came into work was a nasty email from someone. I don’t usually get them. The email was over not naming someone in an article, when I can’t without permission anyway. In this case the permission was the police. It still hurts to receive emails like this. I am on the verge of tears over it. People can be so nasty.
Then just to make matters worse, mum messaged me saying ‘I am having a mental breakdown I am going somewhere not coming back.’ I don’t know what to do about it, if I should call the police. There is no point contacting mental health services, they never answer. Even when you ring every five minutes. I have had enough of it. She messages these things to get a response, and when she doesn’t get it, she kicks off. I can’t have time off work, I have bills to pay. I cant say to my landlord sorry I cant pay this month, I could not go to work because mum is behaving erratically. I would soon be on the streets.
I am not blaming her for what happened, but in a way she should have listened. She was told the guy was a maniac whilst she was hanging out with him, yet she continued to think ‘he may just turn into dad and look after me.’ Obviously, he hasn’t. She just won’t come to terms with dad’s death.