That sounds exhausting and puts my worries into perspective. It sounds as though you’re taking positive action to look after yourself which is great.
Hi Jackie, apologies for not responding before now…life! I was only talking to someone yesterday about trying to detach and look after ourselves a bit more…so easily said but in reality so hard to achieve.
I’ve now managed to find myself a Winter let which I’m taking for a few months. This I hope will give me some respite and allow my husband time to figure things out for himself. It means I won’t be watching him constantly, looking for signs of a further impending crisis. He’s been prescribed new medication which seems to be helping but only time will tell.
My thoughts and hugs to you, feel free to reach out anytime, the support on this forum has been and continues to be amazing xxx
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Thankyou for your reply Kazzak how nice you have found a winter let, is that close to your home and will you pop in to see husband or have you just taken off so to speak? I like sound of it myself but rents around here quite high and i like my home comforts, i have done quite abit on our house in last 3/4 years as hadnt had anything really done for about 30 years and i feel if i move out im missing out on that too and i resent him having it all to himself (not that he probably cares) but he doesnt go anywhere it feels like a prison sometimes. Ive thought so many times im going to just divorce him and sell up but we wont have enough for a flat each even, its a horrible predicament to be in and i know we arent alone but some of the stories. I dont wish husband dead or anything but i sometimes hope he will be taken into hospital but even that looks unlikely. I had 4 days in Devon last week usually i go for 8 and it just wasnt enough and on last day i wanted to stay few more nights but hotel was full. Maybe i will go for bit longer in November if i can.
Hope your having a nice bit of free time take care xx
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I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am in a similar position, the never knowing what his reaction will be to discussing a move. Which he needs to do if we are to manage, he has been diagnosed with Parkinsons so presumably will not improve enough to manage the stairs to the flat. But he goes into a sort of panic mode, breathing heavily, moaning, walking about whenever I try to show him a suitable place. He hates change, I do give him space, but we have almost bought three times and I had to cancel as he was ‘being poorly’. It does feel like manipulation sometimes but I do not want to be unkind. I feel at the end of my tether, worried about the future with no-one to help. I feel lost and alone and sad. This site helps, but it is surprising that so many people are in this position, with partners who seem to keep us under control, because of illness, sometimes not, which of course is terrible for them, but for us ‘ carers’ who used to be loving partners it is hell.
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@Elisemig I can so relate to your post. You are right that there are many of us being ‘controlled’ by the person we are trying to care for. Sometimes I think being compassionate goes against us. Sending cyber hugs.
Thank you. Maybe we need to be more compassionate to ourselves, that will give us the patience to deal more sympathetically with our poorly loved one. We should not feel guilty, this is stressful but we’ll get through it, maybe it isn’t is deliberate ‘controlling’ but their illness causing their behaviour.
Not that it feels like that at the time. Cyber hugs back to you.
Sadly I think my husband is very difficult bitter controlling old man But yes, I agree that the illnesses may be making him feel more vulnerable. I am afraid I am suffering from ‘compassion fatigue’ after trying to deal with the non compliance over so many years.