My husband

My husband has been dealing with depression for around a year now, it came out of no where and we seemed helped straight away. The doctor prescribed medication and CBT therapy, after a few different meds we found one that gave him little side effects. We started noticing a difference but then he started to change again and when I questioned if he was taking meds he said he had stopped them cos it’s just masking the problem, making his behaviour artificial! I’m struggling so much because our marriage is in tatters, I try to understand and be supportive but he isn’t helping himself. He blames everything on me, finds a way of turning everything into being my fault, but I get so frustrated as he is being selfish. I know I’m not supporting him how I should be because I’m now starting to hate him which in turn, leads to more arguments, just in this vicious circle constantly, any advice on how to deal with this would be really appreciated, thanks in advance x

Hello Mary

Welcome to the forum.

So sad to hear how things are.

I don’t know about depression and I think you benefit from a two-way discussion via the Carers UK helpline.
Carers UK information and support and advice
Our telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

Welcome to the forum.

Have you had enough? Do you want to leave him?
How old is your husband?

Dear Mary,
I am so sorry to hear about your troubles, you are not alone, I am in a similar position myself and it is terribly difficult.
My husband’s behaviour and thoughts have been affected by his epilepsy medication, so our dilemma is that he’s had to reduce the meds to help his anger and response to me, but that has increased his seizures again. I feel like we can’t win.
When his anger was at its worst I had to try really hard to detach myself from responding and arguing back. I try to remember that it’s the medication talking, not my husband. So staying calm and reminding him that he’s affected by the meds was the only way to help him see that his behaviour was out of character. I didn’t hesitate to tell him when he was scaring me and on one occasion had to call the police as I was so afraid for my safety.
I hope your GP or your husband’s consultant can help by suggesting a change in his medication, best wishes x