I was looking into doing a English or life skills course at a college but with the pandemic im probably looking at next year now.
The pandemic is affecting everything, I’m so fed up with it!
Maybe plan which course you want to do, try to book your place as soon as possible, and then start reading up on the subject. The college should be able to give you a reading list.
I studied for a part time honours degree, a special course for mature students. My 10 year old brain damaged son was taking up all my “head space” and I desperately needed something else to think about.
I always knew that one day he would have to move away from home, and I wanted to have a career afterwards.
I found that by reading up as much as possible during the summer holidays it made course work much easier. We spent many weekends in the summer at steam rallies (my husband took his steam engine). Fortunately my son loved the engine, so at rallies I just had to make sure they had enough to eat and drink. As a result, I had lots of time to read in the caravan, which I put to good use.
Sadly I was widowed when I was 54, my degree was invaluable as I had to run our business single handed.
I’ll be hopefully doing a English course and ive already got a few books English and grammar on kindle that help me. I’m sorry to hear that hun.
Can I post anything here about my childhood here??? I’ve things on my mind and I’d like to get them off my chest.
We’re always happy to listen and sympathise, and offer advice if required.
It might be best in Members Corner where only registered members of CUK can see it, but that’s up to you who you choose to share with, (link below, in case you’ve not found your way around the forum yet).
Thank you @Ayjay. None of my family knows im on here so Im not really bothered who’s sees it. I just don’t want people to see me as a liar or Im exaggerating. But when I was growing up I was forced to share a bed with my mum til I think I turned mid-late teens. And that I wasn’t allowed to have my own space, e.g if I were upstairs 9 times out of 10 half and an hour later I was called downstairs to do chores or to take my mum shopping or to help with the cooking.
Hello again, Lesley. I suspected something like this. So Mum receives Personal Independence Payment, though she is far from independent; she has effectively two full-time unpaid carers. Also she is trying to con you that if you and Boyfriend get jobs your benefits will be cut so you will be worse off.
Of course she doesn’t want a Social Service assessment! She wants to carry on fiddling the system. She is calculating as well as controlling.
You and Boyfriend are in a rut and need to get out of it. You are adults and don’t need your mother to “allow” you to do things. Let us consider a scenario.
Suppose you and Boyfriend got part-time jobs. One morning you said to Mum, “Bye-bye, Mum, I’m off to work. See you this afternoon.”
What would happen? How could she stop you? She could hardly give you a spanking like she did when you were a child. She would no doubt get horrible and nasty, but your best ploy is to walk out of a situation like that. It seems she is horrible and nasty anyway. Even if she gets her own way, that in itself is horrible and nasty if that is what she threatens otherwise.
In the longer term of course you should look towards full-time employment, but that may not be easy under present circumstances.
He gets on ok with her just like I do but there’s no close friendship with them. The only 2 good things from my dad are that he taught me to read and I have my dads laid back attitude. She’s never had a social service assessment and she wouldn’t go for one either I know that for a fact. Everything HAS to be her way , if not…she can be a horrible nasty person.
Your relationship with Mum does not match my idea of “getting on”, and it seems the same applies to Boyfriend. “Getting on” implies a fair degree of friendship and mutual respect. I don’t mean this unkindly but I don’t think you are as “laid back” as your dad was. It seems he got away with a lot that you can’t.
Anyway, where is Dad nowadays? Is he still alive? How long is it since he left the scene?
It sounds almost as though you are waiting for her to die, so that you can then have a good life. Be warned; she could live for another 20 years yet. Do you really relish the prospect of being in your fifties and suddenly made homeless and still without a job? It would be very difficult to get a job then, after a lifetime of unemployment. And it would be too late to start a family.
I suggest start to look for work, the first step out of this rut. A proper income is better than benefits and is power to your elbow.
Hi, my dad died 13 years ago.
Hi everyone, im hoping sometime next year of looking for a part-time job and I was wondering will i have to ring the jobcentre if im working less than 16 hrs a week??
I’ve read that I could work if I work 16 hrs or less before it’ll affect my carers and income support benefits. Is that correct?? Also, what do I tell my mum about my plans??
Lesley,
There is information about carers allowance when working here Carer's Allowance | Carers UK
and information on comparing work and caring here Thinking of returning to work? | Carers UK
Just tell her the truth, once you have secured a job, so she can’t talk you out of it.
The job market is competitive particularly now, as due to the pandemic, so I’d start looking asap. Worth looking at doing some voluntary work in the interim then you can put it on your CV and possibly get a reference from it too.
Melly1
Hi there, I’ve been looking at doing an English course at College next year. I’m ringing them sometime next year to get enrolled. Is there anyway mum can stop me bettering myself??
No, you are an adult now. Mum doesn’t want you to be happy and thrive for selfish reasons, and will do everything possible to manipulate you. The only real way you can have a happy life is to leave home.
Hello there, its been a long while since I last posted. The only main thing that has changed is that I had to put my dog to sleep. Mums still as horrible as she always is. But now I’ve no reason to stay here anymore, I could happily walk out for a weekend and not worry. My mum’s attitude is just horrible for her age. I’m hoping I never get like that.
Really sorry to hear about your dog Lesley, I was only just this morning talking to my wife’s carer about ours, we had to have him put to sleep in 1985 and it still brings a tear to my eye when I think of him.
Lesley, you are now at a crossroads in your life.
Sit down with a piece of paper or similar and write down some of your dreams and find a way forward.
I’d recommend a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff. Written primarily for divorcees, but it helped me after I was widowed, needing to find a new way of living, and I’m sure it would help you too.
Sometimes people suggest write down your hates, but in a new life you can leave everything in your old life behind. Hates about old things don’t need to feature in your new one.
In fact, the main aim of your new life is not to have anything at all in it that you hate. When I had counselling, about five years ago, my counsellor gave me a series of questions to answer, to find out more about my life generally. I came across that list the other day. Some things are still “work in progress” but the thing I value most in my new life is the fact I can go away on holiday more, the realisation that I need new things to think about and enjoy, or I start to get very “stale”.
My disabled mum left me some money when she died, so I’ve been to Lanzarote, Majorca, Menorca, Cyprus, and my favourite, Crete, where I stay in a friendly singles only hotel. I know some of the guests fairly well, and the hotel has a website where we keep in touch.
I have been on many short breaks in the UK, always places I’ve never been to with my late husband, so making new memories. The cheapest deal was Tiverton in November for £30 a night in a chain hotel. I’m thinking of staying in a Travelodge soon, they are desperate for guests, if you sign up with them they will send you offers.
There is nothing to stop you going on holiday while living with mum. It might be the wake up call she needs, not to take you for granted because she needs you more than you need her?
Hello everyone, hope you are all well. I’ve been thinking about my caring role and I have some questions.
- Am I allowed to go away for a long weekend Friday-Monday??
- Am I allowed to enrol in a college course??
That’s it really just those 2. Im still missing my dog alot but I’m surviving.
As far as Carers Allowance is concerned, you are.
At the moment, because of Covid, no, we are all grounded! Hopefully not for much longer.
How many hours is the course for?
The course would’ve been 3 hours a week, or it was when I last looked. I’m looking into doing theses all after the lockdown and the restrictions are over.
In that case it’s absolutely fine.
Problems arise with things like a part time degree which is classed as “full time”.
Enjoy your studies. I found studying part time for a degree gave me an interest to focus on, and I really enjoyed the company of the other students.