I cannot do this anymore, I want to stop feeling like I do. I want my brain to stop making constant scenarios in my head. I want it to stop. I get relief for five minutes, and then it goes “What about this?” It then becomes another cycle of having to try to quash all that. I can’t do it. I need it to stop.
Today was the first day I managed to eat a full meal, I’ve just gone and thrown up again. So I haven’t really had anything.
I’m scared, and I haven’t had any support from anyone who was supposed to help. The carers association said they would ring me on either Thursday or Friday, but they never did. I called them and they said they were very busy. I told them I needed help urgently.
I just don’t want to do this anymore, however I’m sick of being the only one able to help.
@Coolcar98…Hi, just read your post. Just checking in to see how you are today? I’m sorry that you haven’t heard from the carers association. Have you spoken to the Samaritans, they may be of help? Sending big
I guess the Carers Association is mega busy prior to a Bank Holiday but yes they should have made contact with you. I would echo Sue and suggest you call the SAMS. I am sorry you are struggling so very much.
You have been building up to this for a long time. Somehow you need to put yourself and your life first, so you can relax and enjoy life. You can’t fix the others, they are all using you, to the point where you have nothing left to give, running on empty.
I’m still feeling awful. Last night I called the crisis helpline, after I called Samaritans.
It’s just the constant swirls of thoughts going round and round my head. Usually they go away after some time but these are so physical it’s extremely draining.
My brain is trying to find solutions to things that haven’t even happened, and yet somehow I can’t say to myself “it’s not happening.” I’m shouting it over and over again, but I’m not listening.
I know the facts, but some of the fears relate to my mum and I know that is something I cannot control.
We are trying to get mum help from the community mental health team. I’ve called them and mums calling them now to get a triage into the system for help.
Hopefully this could eliminate some of the problems we are having,
I’m struggling so much, and I can’t control it. I’ve been like it days, no matter what I do, I can’t shake any of it off.
I’m so scared that bad things will happen. I’ve reread things over and over again. I have sought reassurance anywhere I can.
Today I’ve been laid on my bed all day, apart from when I cleaned the fridge annd changed my bedding. Even then my brain was just telling me to get back to my safe spot to think about things.
I went into the town centre yesterday with my mum and my sister. After so long I couldn’t cope and I wanted to go home, I was struggling so bad.
I haven’t really been able to eat this week. Only in the past couple of days have I been able to eat something, even if it’s small. I weighed myself this morning and I seem to have lost about 4ibs in a week, so that’s not good.
Today I managed some popcorn and some pizza only I managed to throw up again. Despite eating very little I don’t have an appetite.
I can’t do much else until Tuesday. I hate bank holidays.
@Coolcar98 ring the samaritans again if you need too, there’s no limit to how many times you can ring them and you said you found talking to them helped.
You could also ring 111 if you feel you need medical intervention before Tuesday.
Good. Fresh air and movement really helps. After my knee surgery I started started by walking down the garden, once in the morning, once in the afternoon. Then I walked along the road, aiming to get to just one house further every time. Don’t push yourself hard, concentrate on breathing well and looking around at what’s going on. As I love plants, I would look at the gardens. Getting the blood moving is really helpful. Enjoy, this is time for you and your own wellbeing.
Wrong, you do NOT have to do what mum and sister want. Put yourself first. Maybe say to yourself that Sunday is MY day. Go out for a drive, anything but family. How many other people of your age are running around after family like you do? Mum cannot expect you to keep controlling you, an intelligent adult, like this.
@bowlingbun In honesty my compulsions at the moment relate to the belief that mum is going to be evicted.
She’s had some issues in her current property relating to bullying and the lettings manager has done very little to help. Instead she’s been given two warnings. A third would result in a letter and then more problems could result in an eviction. With mums bipolar this is very scary. It seems like they are not been very considerate.
Mum got one warning for a minor noise complaint. It was only logged because the neighbour was elderly.
The lettings manager is also changing next week. They are going down the care based route.
She’s on a specialist type of tenancy which means she can be evicted more easily.
We found out she’s still under mental health services and therefore they should be able to help.
If she gets evicted the council will probably say that she made herself homeless, meanwhile she will have a bad reference and won’t get anywhere else.
I’m scared I’m going to have to deal with it all again. It’s driving me insane.
Mum does not have capacity to deal with it so I will despite not being well enough.
