Hi again,
So following a previous post my anxiety is just carrying on all relating to my role as a carer, and it just feels like nothing will stop in regards to the actions I have to carry out.
The good news is it emerged that the police acted wrongfully and a case has now closed. This was said yesterday. However today we have had another notification to say mum will have another house inspection to check on repairs at the end of the month.
The first inspection a couple of weeks ago sent my anxiety sky high and I had to have the day off work, now this one will have me worrying for a couple of weeks. It’s an absolute nightmare.
I have spoken to a doctor, because this just carries on. All responsibility at the moment just seems to throw me into a minor breakdown, and I just cannot cope.
Thank you.
It’s a nightmare. After the news I was okay yesterday and had a nice little evening. Although I haven’t got over the tiredness which is rife today.
I spoke to the carers service today who were with me on alot of things.
However the news about my mums house inspection has panicked me again, so I’m back to where I was. I called the letting office and they said the inspection is just in response to some minor (ish) repairs that will be carried out next week. Mainly a structural repair to some tiles and the removal of mould in the bathroom. (It’s an old post-war house). It will be the same woman who came last time who was incredibly lovely and commented how clean the house was.
I was told off last time by family members for panicking, when it’s just an inspection and they were right, but it’s the same again. It’s a constant fight between rational and irrational thoughts and compulsions.
As the carers support people said right now I just need abit more support. It’s like on the surface I am fine and functioning, but mental health wise it’s difficult. I’m on meds and waiting for counselling.
It’s often the irrational fears which are far worse than reality. You know the inspection was fine last time and you appear to have no doubts that there will be an issue this time. Just focus on how nice the lady was and the compliment she paid about the house being nice and clean. I am sure form what you have said that nothing has changed on that front and you’ve also said you’ve been working hard to make sure it’s in apple pie order.
Think back to how you felt AFTER she had been before. You know it’s only routine and not because of an issue and therefore everything will be fine again this time. Try to keep saying that to yourself and smile as you do so. A smile on the outside can make you feel better inside as well.
You’re bound to feel tired because of the emotional stress you are under - and putting yourself under - so that’s to be expected. (I have the whole collection of t-shirts from where I have stressed out in advance of something which turns out to be NOT A PROBLEM).
I’m not going to ‘tell you off’ just offer a bit of guidance to think about how well it all went last time and focus on that not what COULD happen. If they come and organise more work then it’ll make the house better for Mum! That can only be a good thing.
Now the police stuff is closed and they admitted THEY were in the wrong, it’s another weight lifted as well.
Do follow up with the Carer’s Centre and also with your GP - does the Practice know how stressed you are? Ask if they can fast track the Counselling. It may be that, like Graham, you could get a referral to the Community Mental Health Team. They have been BRILLIANT so far and look like coming through for Graham. Compared to the big organisation he was first referred to they are in a different league. These people CARE about those they deal with. Check with your GP as it could be another source of support for you.
Hope you get some good sleep tonight. I’ll make a deal with you - how about we BOTH try to get some good sleep cos I need it as well!! 
Thank you. Two weeks on I just feel emotionally numb. I’m also ill at the moment, second time in a few weeks. It’s unusual for me to be ill expecially one after the other. The most I get is a cold. Even though I have health conditions, they don’t make me ill.
It just shows how run down I’m getting. My meds have been increased, and I’m expecting a follow up call next week.
Today I sorted some stuff out at mums, and after I took some wood from an old drawer to the recycling centre. It was a nice day which brings both sadness and happiness. One one hand the orange glow on buildings feels warm, and the bright blue sky is just so clear.
However, it just reminds me of the freedom I don’t have. The fact that I just want to drive off somewhere and just explore new places.
Unfortunately right now I don’t have the money, and I feel too on guard to book something to go away. Hopefully once minimum wage goes up I will be able to afford it. Even then things keep getting thrown my way that I always seem to have to deal with. It just makes things feel a whole lot worse.
Just a small point but:
When you said you had ‘a nice little evening’, what did that consist of?
