Worried I will be discharged

Hi, I just had my Carers Assessment appointment today and they told me they want to do the review next month this could be if I need the support anymore. They said today that there wasnt any points to take forward leading to this, however I just said everything was stagnent. I also explained that I just cant cope with mums needs. I dont want to be discharged from the service. I know I havent engaged with support groups, but I dont understand how I can engage when I have to be at work. The support groups are on a Wednesday which is my most important day at work due to deadlines. I dont want to be released because then I will have no support.

I told them that my supporting role continues and I still have to manage social services and her carers and all the forms she ever gets. I also still have to deal with her annoying behaviour. I also explained that if mum moves into this assisted living soon then I will need support.

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Coolcar,
since you are still caring for your Mum, there shouldn’t be any reason for the support to be withdrawn. Lots of carers don’t live with the person they are supporting.

You could refresh your memory re the process

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/practical-support/carers-assessment/

there is also a section on preparing for the assessment which would also be relevant for preparing for a review.

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Thank you.

I probably messed up this meeting really. I was formally diagnosed with a certain medical condition by a consultant earlier this week, my focus has been mainly on that since they didn’t really do anything to change up my medication despite hoping they would. Its not particularly a bad condition, but left untreated can cause all sorts of major problems. I am already on medication for it but I was prescribed it before diagnosis, they were pretty sure I had it before so put me on it. Now the condition has been formally diagnosed. However there has been no change to medication, and they have put me in for a referral which I feel will have little impact since it is very, how shall I say it ‘sexist!’ . They basically want me to loose weight, and I am just there like that is the bloody problem. They have referred me to a weight management program to discuss lifestyle changes. I was just there like ‘Good Luck with that’, I have 'been there, so all that; nothing changes. I mentioned the condition in the meeting today and it seems like as soon as I talk about my medical conditions its suddenly like no one cares. Its one thing for them to back away but another to feel like they are pulling support when I still need it.

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Attend the support groups. You are in my prayers.

When my son moved into residential care at 16/17 the weight absolutely fell off me. I knew he was safe, I had nothing to worry about. Sadly 6 weeks later mum had a hip operation that went wrong, pulmonary embolism, and I was caring for her in various ways until she died 20 years or so later! In Greece on holiday, I realised my skinny friends ate more than me, I didn’t want to eat anywhere near as much as them, I was loving the sunshine and no stress. At the moment, I’m my heaviest ever, all stressed, no sign of anything getting better, only worse!!!

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I would have to give up my job to attend the support groups unfortunately. Like I say I have to be at work on a Wednesday due to strict non movable deadlines, I can’t even predo my work since things can change and articles need updating right until the last minute. The deadlines can’t change either as the newspaper I work at has always had the same release day for over 100 years. I am the only office based journalist at work the rest are all freelancers who have other jobs. I also don’t want to give up work to attend appointments since the carers program is supposed to provide support adhered to people’s needs. The worker is also not my usual as the other one is on annual leave. I was assigned to her as she specialises with carers who work.

Sorry to hear that yes I think environmental factors play a huge role.

The diagnosis is not a shock at all instead a diagnosis that is long overdue. I have always been overweight. I am also quite short and stubby, despite being short I have a massive bone structure. I have size 8-9 feet.

Even my late dad said it a lot that there was something not quite right when I was a teenager. He would cook meals for the family and he controlled portions. Dad was quite a regular sized man too. Mum on the other hand is not.

I’ve mentioned working in a supermarket before doing 10hr long days 6 days a week. My weight did not come off then either.

When I lived with my ex I went to the gun loads because I had the money but nothing ever changed.

Now I am the healthiest I have ever been. I don’t fry any foods whatsoever, nor do I microwave everything. I mainly eat lots of protein. Like I’m not in denial, I can pig out I know I can, but that is rare. I haven’t really eaten crisps, we’ll tell a lie I had a packet of crisps earlier. I saw some in a local shop and they were healthy crisps for kids. 52 kals a bag. They were 6p for a bag of 4 and were made of whole grain. I bought about 8 packets (32 bags in total) for less than 50p, so they will be good for snacking. Other than that my diet is made up of meats, eggs and veg. Yes I eat some crap. I allow myself a 2 or 3 of potato smiles on a plate, but I never eat a full bag.

The consultant has left me in lingo so I took to some other online support groups for advice. I learned about the weight loss injection. I had to go private but I bought some and received it today. I’ve just administered the first dose. I am hoping it would have some effect that way I can go back to health professionals and be like “I told you so.” It’s expensive so can’t take it long term, but it says you are likely to loose 5% after few weeks. Even loosing something would be an achievement right now

Have you ever been to a gym where they tested you to see your body composition, bone, fat, water?
I had 2 children in my 20’s, determined to get my bikini body back by the time I was 30. I did.it, via Weightwatchers, but only by eating net to nothing. Then I went to a gym, who said my goal weight was far too low for my body, in fact, the weight I was before I dieted was just about my perfect weight!! They said I had more bone weight than average, but it was only when I went to have a Dexa scan at Southampton General Hospital that they told me that I had the densest bones they had EVER tested!

So maybe you should find out exactly what your body is made of before going to any extreme lengths?

I have a thing called insulin resistance which causes my body not to be able to deal with fat absorption very well. It means my body stores it alot more. The only way I can alieviate the effects at the moment is with medication. Until my body is back to some normal levels it would just be the case. I am already on some medication, but not enough of a dosage. I wanted the consultant to put me on a higher dosage but he didn’t.

I have been trying to chase my gp to do it. I guess I chose to get the weight loss injection because I know it is good. I’m making lifestyle choices but I feel like there is only so much I can do. Like I say been there do all that. My diet is mainly of meat and dairy and well lots of protein which is good for muscle mass which is needed for weight loss, but it is just not working.

I am trialing some proper weight loss medication to see if that will work. It sounds as if I will be put on it eventually with the NHS, but I feel like I will be kicking and screaming until that point. I chose to do it with the mindset that I will know some answers earlier. The medication is very safe and I had to fill out a special form to get it. It was boots too so they asked about all my other medications. They were very thorough. So if they were concerned they would have not let me have it.

Aside from that I don’t want the support to stop. Mum is getting harder in other ways I am trying to back away but she keeps coming back.

She is obsessed with my new car at the moment. It is currently waiting on a minor part in the garage before it will be a perfect car to drive on the road with no advisories whatsoever. However she has an habit of trying to find me and the street I live down. She knows I live down a certain street, but it is very long. She admitted before to trying to find the previous car I was driving to find where I live. She is obsessed with asking me the make and colour.

She also took to extreme measures last night and was trying to get my attention by offering me food. I was in bed with the worst headache thanks to the sun that has suddenly come out without warning and she was begging me to leave the house. I just said no. I know she only wants to find where I live so she can come and get attention and then be driven home.

Tonight she is also messaging me to say she is drunk and she is doing it because she misses my dad. Every weekend she does this and her mates just allow it. I don’t even think she is drunk to be honest she knows she will get attention and it’s easy to blame it on dads death. However I can’t seem to tell anyone because everyone starts thinking she is an alcoholic. I know she is faking it too, if I ever go round the next day she is never hungover which is oddly suspicious. Even my sister ends up hungover in my car every Sunday. Yet mum nothing. She just likes to test how people react. She doesn’t even drink pints either she drinks coke and a splash of vodka. She is attention seeking.

Hugs. You are in my prayers.

Thanks.

Today I feel bad. I am already absolutely knackered a side effect caused by new meds. Mum messaged me if I wanted to go out tomorrow to the latest car boot market. I know she wants my attention, but I did not want to go to this market at all. I went out of curiosity a few weeks ago and it was awful, I mean it was stalls and stalls of Tat; people selling video tapes, old bits of metal and so on. Last time there was no stalls with anything that looked of use.

I also know that everyone who used to sell at that market moved on. They now go to the one 20 miles away. That one is a good market. I would take her but I am still in the courtesy car and it’s a small engine. I was specifically told by the garage not to overuse it because of that. It also eats petrol and I am steadily running out of money thanks to having to buy a new car.

I told mum no, yo going to the local one but I can’t help but feel bad about it. I know she wants attention and I can’t help but feel that she’s asked me to go because it’s local to where I live and she is desperate to find out.

I feel like she just wants to be entertained all the time and she can’t seem to find enjoyment in the simple things in life like a bag of cheese puffs in front of the tv.

Hugs.
What really helped me after a extended stay at a hospital was getting back out there. I slowly rebuilt my confidence up over the following year after being so unwell. I went bowling and started to do part time work. That helped me. I was unwell for many months.