Why do people expect me to put up with this behaviour

All about caring Young adult carers
1

Disclaimer - sorry for the language.

Hi all,

So again I’m really stuck for what to do, and as a carer I feel like I’m on the receiving end of so much abuse, and I feel like no one cares. As a carer I’m supposed to just take this on the cheek and act like nothing is happening.

So today, me and my sister did our weekend pack up shop for the week ahead. Whilst we were traveling my mum frantically was ringing me. She called me about 50 times in 5 minutes. All because she wanted to know what time me and my sister were going round to drop some money off at hers.

Because I didn’t stop and answer her call, she is calling me abusive and is directing some awful language at me. Instead I just bank transferred it instead of cash to make it quicker, but it was not good enough for her, and she had been on a rampage ever since.

It’s all getting too much for me. I’ve been getting abuse all day.

Her mental state is so bad. It was her birthday the other week, I took her out for a meal and paid for it, I bought her a brand new watch from Tk maxx, and got her loads of bits, my sister got her a new jewellery box which she asked for, and a necklace . She is now saying it’s all not good enough and is ‘’cheap s**t. She’s told me she’s smashed the entire lot.

Because I didn’t get to her fast enough she said she has taken pills and is in the hospital and she’s told social services about how abusive I am for getting her the cheap presents.

She said she’s calling my work to get me fired because I’m abusive to her.

She’s also kicking off because she doesn’t want me to spend any time with my sister anymore (her daughter) because she can’t join in to. It wasn’t a day out, we went to Aldi for some sandwich bits, and then went home. My sister needs my help because she’s partially sighted.

Caring is not supposed to be enabling abuse, but it doesn’t matter who I tell no one cares,

2

I just can’t take this behaviour anymore, it’s caused me to have OCD and I feel like all I am is a box ticking excuse to anyone at the council or carers teams.

Mum needs more help than I can give and no one is helping

3

The only thing I can advise is that you write to social care and say that on a particular date you are withdrawing all support for your Mum and she will be solely reliant on the care they provide. Set up a direct payment for your Mum’s housekeeping money, bills etc and then don’t provide care and support. Block her number to set it to divert to voicemail.

This won’t be easy to do and you will have lots of arguments why you can’t but you have a choice - carry on as you are or break the cycle.

2 Likes
4

For the second time in two days I have had to call the out of hours team at social services, yet once again I know nothing will come of it.

Mum is acting erratic again and telling people on social media that she is in a domestic abuse hostel in Scarborough because me and my sister are abusing her. All her mates are lapping it up and I’ve had all sorts of indirect abuse.

This all started because she doesn’t like me talking to my sister and thinks there is some sort of conspiracy going on when we go shopping. The reason we don’t take her is one she behaves like a toddler and will throw stuff around if she doesn’t get her own way, she’s nasty and will call us hurtful names and then laugh about it, and three because if she doesn’t receive lots of gifts from me and my sister she will tell people we abuse her. All she does is criticise us, and act like we’re abusers for all sorts of reasons.

This weekend it started because me and my sister went to get some pack up bits for the week ahead.

She is literally telling people she is in a domestic abuse hostel two counties away but she can’t tell anyone because she needs to be saved. But then why publish it online, it’s because she wants a reaction.

After yesterday I got a call today from a social worker who instead of doing anything suggested that I speak to my GP about going on some medication for my own mental health. As if I’m not taking 21 tablets a day for various issues, three of those tablets being for mental health. There was no help for what to do with her.

5

Hello, Coolcar. It sounds as though your mum has visiting social carers. They are probably on the receiving end of abuse as well as you. That is possibly the reason why they missed checking your mum was taking her medication. They felt it necessary to walk out of an unacceptable situation. Just like you refused to answer the phone. Nobody “expects” you to put up with bad behaviour. I’m afraid it is the “elderly toddler” syndrome again, and bad behaviour is going to happen, I’m afraid.

6

For the second time in two days I have had to call the out of hours team at social services, yet once again I know nothing will come of it.

Mum is acting erratic again and telling people on social media that she is in a domestic abuse hostel in Scarborough because me and my sister are abusing her. All her mates are lapping it up and I’ve had all sorts of indirect abuse.

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This all started because she doesn’t like me talking to my sister and thinks there is some sort of conspiracy going on when we go shopping. The reason we don’t take her is one she behaves like a toddler and will throw stuff around if she doesn’t get her own way, she’s nasty and will call us hurtful names and then laugh about it, and three because if she doesn’t receive lots of gifts from me and my sister she will tell people we abuse her. All she does is criticise us, and act like we’re abusers for all sorts of reasons.

This weekend it started because me and my sister went to get some pack up bits for the week ahead.

She is literally telling people she is in a domestic abuse hostel two counties away but she can’t tell anyone because she needs to be saved. But then why publish it online, it’s because she wants a reaction.

After yesterday I got a call today from a social worker who instead of doing anything suggested that I speak to my GP about going on some medication for my own mental health. As if I’m not taking 21 tablets a day for various issues, three of those tablets being for mental health. There was no help for what to do with her.
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