Hi I’m new to this
I have been a carer for my husband for 22
years and am really struggling to cope with his mood changes he’s getting more aggressive and now he’s stopped walking and seems to have given up which is having an impact on me as I have osteoarthritis and an under active thyroid
I’m stressed out and getting more depressed and worn out
I seem to be alone without any support

Hi Susan, welcome to the forum.
Can you tell us how old your husband is, and what is wrong with him?
What help do you get from Social Services or Health?
When did you last have a holiday?

Hi he’s seventy one and he’s completely paralysed down his right side and 10 weeks ago he just stopped trying to walk so now he’s dependent on wheelchair of which I’m struggling to push as I have severe osteoarthritis the last holiday we had was about 20 years ago
I know I’m not able to carry on like I am so I’ve applied for a bungalow nearer my immediate family as I have seven siblings and a daughter and grandson and his family who would be of great support and help me but alas we’re not getting anywhere down that avenue so I’m stuck on my own for the time being

Susan, I also have severe arthritis, but of course it’s a hidden disability.
I still look like the person I was, nearly 6ft tall, strong, broad shouldered, but on a bad day it hurts even to touch my hands.
Are you getting any support from your GP.
Ask him/her to write to Social Services to get you the support you need, on medical grounds.
You can also ask them yourself for a Needs Assessment, the situation has changed hugely if your husband can no longer walk. Also ask for an Occupational Therapy Assessment.
Did you know that as your husband has a severe mental impairment because of his stroke, he has probably been exempt from Council Tax since the stroke? This is one of the few benefits that can be back dated.

You have to stay strong. you both are in the stage when human act like child. All act as annoying but you have to bear it with patience everything will be gone fine.

Hi Susan,
Welcome to the forum!

I am sorry to hear that you are having a challenging time but please know that the Carers UK forum and Carers UK are here to support you. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK
Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK
Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email

Best wishes