Hi, I’m Stuart, 42m unpaid carer for my Fiancee Liz. Been caring for her since 2014, 2018 she lost her ability to walk. Managed to get through lock down ok, but this last year has been tough. And I’m ill now myself.


Hi Stuart and welcome,

It sounds like you and your fiancee have had to face a big life change.

I think Covid wore us all down and now we are facing the consequences.

I’m sorry you are poorly at the moment. How are you coping? Do you get any outside help?


Hi & Welcome Stuart

Sorry to read about Liz’s unable to walk. This must be so difficult for you both. It’s bad enough when one person is ill but when it’s both very frustrating. Are you getting any outside help. What are you difficulties?

Has Liz every had a needs assessment and you a carers assessment.



Hi Stuart

Welcome to the forum.

I’d suggest phoning the Carers UK helpline in the morning to discuss your scenario with them for guidance and advice, if there is any care or benefits you are not already receiving and how to get respite care to give you a break.

Carers UK information and support
Our telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)


Welcome to the forum.
I’m now 70, a carer most of my life, a total of 10 carers through the years.
Your own health and well being is equally important. You can’t do the work of three people. Your own jobs, the jobs your partner would do, and looking after her too!
Look at every single thing you do. Can you give it up altogether, or get someone or something to do it instead?
Do you have individual social lives?
Is the house disability friendly?
When did you both go on holiday?

Hi all, thanks for the replies :heart: At the moment I thought I was coping but I’ve got a bowel illness which might be be IBS or something else. It came out of nowhere one morning, then in back of a ambulance for tests. Then realised nothing in place if anything was to happen to me. Contacted adult services and made sure that if was ill someone would know. Trying to sort out housing at the moment as her knees have osteoarthritis from rheumatoid arthritis, both knees are shot. No friends, holiday.

When you say housing is it social housing adapted property you are seeking.


A needs assessment would have alternative plan when immediate care would be needed.

Hi, yes it is social housing. I did to get a bungalow through share to buy but there deposit priced us out. Hopefully we get that needs assessment soon.

You’ve both had a scare, however it’s a good time to review things, and discuss what you both need in the future.
You both need some time apart, a hobby or interest, so you have something new to talk about.
A female carer/cleaner would give her some feminine company, and reduce your workload.
There are holiday places that are disabled friendly, I stayed in a place near Larkbeare in Devon that even had a stove that had a rise and fall worktop!
How independent is your partner? Has she seen an occupational therapist recently?
Would knee replacements be an option for her?


Regarding the holiday options, there are a number of options. You can check the information that is always provided on the company websites, send them a email, phone up the office tomorrow or inquire directly face to face even. Make brief summary notes and read a few good and bad reviews on TripAdvisor as well. Check the forums on there for advice and tailored trip recommendations.

Best of luck. I only unfortunately happen to know of one such company, Sykes cottages but there are many different others still out there that are also really worth looking at. Request a printed brochure from their website in order in addition to read at home and then you can finally get to decide. Some of these providers and companies are even dog friendly too. In any case it is worth a careful look. I recommend doing so this week. See what happens as a result.

Read over all of the cottage details carefully. We rented a holiday cottage earlier on in the summer of this year after doing a lot of research online and making inquiries. Get as much up to date information as you can possibly happen to find. Be prepared. If you can, obtain current owner contact information and take a look at some colourful photos of the property in question.

Be patient. It takes some time to find a cottage or other appropriate accommodation. Keep at it. You will definitely be rewarded for trying in the end when your hard work and effort pay off surely. If possible, try to visit the actual place face to face and have a proper friendly chat with the owner of the house.

Discuss the costs of finding somewhere in person etc. I also would not exclude hotels or campsites from your initial search however. Narrow down the search. Consider all types of companies. Keep a spare back up copy of all letters with the people you talk to along the way. Just in case as a wise precaution. You will manage to find somewhere. Also look for deals and insurance.

What age is your partner? There are many independent living scheme with access to on site care. Many of these start at age 50 but allow people with certain medical needs to move in younger.

Too young for knee replacements, she’s also very wary of surgery.

She is 38, I’ve only ever seen a bungalow for a 40 year old.

Thanks for the advice :+1:

This is a housing situation Shelter can sign post you on.