Really struggling financially

Hello I need some advice and help

I’m a full time carer. I have carer and UC benefits. My mother has benefits.
But I’m ashamed to say I’m struggling financially.

I have been looking for a job for a year and a half. I even have a job advisor. I have a arranged overdraft with the bank but it’s over a £1000. I have spoken to the bank and step change and it wasn’t helpful at all

I’m looking for jobs that’s hard . Buy getting a reply back and getting accepted is harder. I need serious help. There is no loans or grants trust me I’ve looked.

Can anyone please help and advise me on helping with my debt, getting a job. It’s just me I don’t have family or friends . Thank you for reading.

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Some years ago my niece had to resort to finding help to manage debt when her (now) ex-husband ran up massive debts (including non payment of their mortgage) due to drinking and drug use - she contacted CAP (Christians against Poverty) CAP Debt Help | CAP UK.

They were very helpful and were able to advise on/set up a debt management plan that worked for her and she was eventually able to move on with her life debt free.


Do you live with mum?
How much of your money goes on things relating to mum?
How much does mum give you?
Does mum have over £23,000 in savings? Yes/No
When did mum last have a Needs Assessment looking at the care she needs?
When did you last have a Carers Assessment?
Is mum suffering from any mental problems?

Just brief answers will be fine. The answers will help us give the best advice.
How much does the LA give you towards your needs, hobbies etc?

Thank you for your help and advice. I’m definitely going to check that out. And I’m glad that your loved one managed to get out of debt.

Yes I live with my mum
Majority of the money goes on mum, brother and bill
My mother doesn’t give me any money I’m responsible for the money hence our situation.
No mum has no savings
We both had a assessment about 2 years ago
Yes mum suffers from depression and anxiety
I get £72 per week carers allowance (I think)

Thank you

Time to have new assessments looking at the support mum needs, INCLUDING the care you give. Then they should assess how many hours she needs carers for. Having done that, they should calculate the cost of that care. She should then be offered the option of Direct Payments, which may be used to pay you! Are you just claiming Carers Allowance, no income payments like ESA? I don’t qualify for these, so it might now be called something different. As you are claiming Carers Allowance you are NOT required to look for work! Our Carers UK helpline will be able to give you accurate information relevant to your specific situation.
Why are you spending your mum on your brother?!?!

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After a busy day sorting things for my caree, peace has now descended on my house.
Having re read your posts, I’m increasingly concerned about your family’s expectation that you can subsidise them!

If you are entitled to Carers Allowance that means that mum is getting a disability benefit, either Attendance Allowance, Personal Independence Payment (PIP), or Disability Living Allowance (DLA).
In addition, she should be getting Universal Credit herself, or another income related benefit, or a pension. All depending on how old she is, and when she first claimed.

My son was brain damaged at birth, he’s now 45 and his income is now greater than mine, thanks to ESA (Employment Support Allowance) and PIP! Her AA/DLA/PIP are paid to cover the additional costs of her disability.

After I arranged DLA for my mum many years ago, she tended to hoard it, I don’t think she ever gave dad any of it to go towards the car, petrol etc. Make sure your mum spends her money on what she needs, not what she wants.

No one can be forced to care for anyone else, not even a wife for a husband.
Do you want to give up caring and have a life of your own?
If so, make an Escape Plan - others have done this.
Think about what you would need to arrange, and work towards it. If you missed out on any education, there are lots of adult classes to help fill the gaps.

Finally, if mum is renting from a council or Housing Association, did you know you will be asked to leave just 4 weeks after mum dies or moves into residential care?
It’s a very scary thought, but it would be wrong of me not to mention it now, giving time for you to prepare.

Mum doubtless wants you and only you to care for you, but as an adult she can’t tell you what to do.
Under these circumstances, accept that nothing will change unless YOU force change.
I had counselling to help me manage my mum’s expectations, it was invaluable.

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If you are looking for a job I’ve always thought the key is to not think like everybody else. The job market is fierce and hundreds of people often apply for the same position, with those odds it’s more luck.

I’ve always found that if you see a job advert in a window go in that shop and apply for it. You’d be suprised at home many people apply.

When I was in uni I was applying for jobs left right and centre and got nowhere. I saw an ad in a shoe shop window and applied, only two people applied. I got the job.

It also happened at the company I am at now. All jobs have to pay at least minimum wage so it doesn’t always matter. Independent/smaller places are often more understanding and friendlier too. They are less corporate so don’t follow the same negative stuff. I’m allowed time if I need it to attend to emergencies without prior warning. They also understand if I need to make a phone call or arrange something. They don’t even care about taking a morning off for a doctors appointments.

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Thank you for your kindness and support.i was told that was an option but the social worker said I can only use it for services to benefit me for example cleaner’s, gardener’s and handyman etc. so I just thought it was pointless because I didn’t want to be tempted to use something in desparation and get in trouble .

I have to work I’m struggling really really bad and constantly borrowing from the bank. I spoke to the carers line and they said they couldn’t really help me. That’s why I have to work.
Thank you for your care and advice

Also my brother lives with us and doesn’t contribute at all.

Thank you for your advice and I’m glad you have found some that works. I appreciate it. I have been looking just found one I applied heard nothing. I’m going to make it a habit to carry CVs on me. Thank you

I appreciate you replying and sharing your life and story which is both inspiring and thought provoking. I really do appreciate your support and help towards us carers.

I had no idea that’s a reality for carers being asked to leave after 4 weeks that’s brutal. Thank you for the heads up.

I’ve looked into adult course’s and more opportunities. I’m not gonna lie it’s been extremely hard. No call backs, applications being lost also personal circumstances makes furthering my education exhausting. I’ve given up I’m tired.

Tbh this is my fault I obviously over spend my gets ESA and pip. I get UC and CA.
I have no excuse to be struggling

I’m responsible (irresponsible) with the money.

I had therapy but was discharged back in 2022. It was good . I. Glad therapy have been a aiuriof solace for you. Especially all the help you do here a d with your loved ones

Honestly I have no escape plan. It’s pointless I have nothing. Plus health wise I’m not great so I highly doubt I need to worry about that. It’s just short term wise I need to worry .

Thank you for your care and empathy. I really hope you are ok and doing well ?

Someone said here that you get the treatment that you are prepared to put up with.
Why don’t you tell your brother that he is not getting one penny more of your money?
And the same to mum too. They have no right to it.
Your brother will also get notice when mum is no longer living there. Maybe he needs a reality check too???

I agree with you. I really do, I am a door mat. But I have my reasons.

Firstly it’s not my home, mum is the tenant and it’s housing association. I’m in debt and have benefits mine and hers same account.
I’m just as bad because of my reckless spending.
If she leaves I have no way of financial support I would become homeless. Everyone will.
Even if I put her in a home my options are bleak and limited.
I’ve asked help from so many charities, advice agencies social services. It’s the same answers “not much they can do”
Where I live there’s no carer support charities or centres in my borough.
I have no family, friends and money. Looking for jobs has been a humbling experience due to how inexperienced I am.
The reality is for some of us, we ask and ask and ask until there is no lifeline’s left.
My brother is unreliable and not interested.
Threats do not work or ultimatums. Especially since both of them know my situation.
I can’t leave I have nowhere
Trust me I have tried no one cares whether it’s family or not

Start by separating your money and mum’s. This is the first step. It’s vital you have your own bank accounts.
If mum is disabled, is she able to manage her money herself?
If not there are solutions to this.
Have you ever had any lessons in how to manage your money, writing a budget etc?
Why does your brother not contribute to household expenses??

No she can’t manage she’s disabled and had a stroke a decade ago. It effects her rationing, thinking, memory and problem solving.

He doesn’t help because he doesn’t care

It seems I don’t know how to budget which is stupid because I’ve been doing this for 12 years and always been poor

No, not stupid at all, judging by the perfect English in your replies.
You just need a bit of help to understand the basics.
I don’t want to overwhelm you with information.
Start by bringing together all your bills, a ring binder, a stapler and a hole punch. Some plastic ring binder sleeves would be useful, but not essential.
Some cardboard dividers will help keep everything in order. I always cut up cereal packets after use, saving front and back. Free and useful for lots of things.
Do you pay your bills monthly, or when you get the red reminder?
That’s enough about money for today!
You didn’t ask for mum to become disabled, you are doing your best under difficult circumstances and deserve support.
By law, you and mum are entitled to support from Social Services.
If you go to the council’s website, search for Adult Social Care, there should be a section for new referrals or Needs Assessment and Carers Assessment. This term can be misleading, it’s not looking at whether or not you are a good carer, but at the help and support you need for your caring role!
I’m concerned you say there is nothing for carers where you live. All authorities must have a Social Services department.
Your brother sounds like one of your biggest problems, does he go to work?
That’s enough for now. Take care.

Have you contacted your local CAB? They will be able to look at what your are claiming and if you might be able to claim anything extra (they know of hidden pots which you may be able to get something from).

If the debts are quite large, they may be able to help write some of them off. They will also help you write letters / contact the companies you owe money to and set up a minimum repayment plan.

Contact your local food bank, they may be able to help you with some groceries every week, and some food banks can also authorise electric and gas vouchers. They will look at your incoming and outgoing first.

You have my sympathy with useless family members. I have a few and it’s so very annoying.

Best wishes,