Can I have some advice please?

I’m new here and need a little help please.
My mum has been incredibly sick with a form of Leukemia. She has been at home for the most of it and I have been running ragged over the years supporting her.

It became apparent in Oct that she could no longer cope so I quit my job away, prior to this had some savings to fall back on to do this and became her carer.

I then took a small part time min wage job and juggled that and looking after her. I was advised to claim CA which I did.

I was recently awarded CA but they have written to her and asked if she approves.
I suspect she doesn’t as when I have approached this subject with her in the past she denies needing a carer but she really can’t cope and doesn’t realise just how much I do for her, she then becomes incredibly aggressive.

(I’ll often make a cup of tea and then whilst in kitchen put a wash on and unload/reload dishwasher and take out bins for example and she is utterly oblivious to it). This is just one out of many examples I could give. She becomes very aggressive too and we are hanging on by a thread with the warden as she is a hoarder, as fast as I can clear there is more coming in … I am throwing out things that are from my childhood with no value without her noticing … as they are threatening to evict if she carries on causing a health and safety risk … another topic!

I have been back paid for last few months of CA but she said she has dealt with it on the phone today with them and won’t tell me what she has said. She can often be quite vile to me and dismiss me as her servant. I do feel she would benefit from an outside carer coming in as she wouldn’t be rude to them but she will not have an assessment from social services.

My question is - if she rang DWP and said no I don’t approve of her being my carer what are the implications towards me please?

Will I have to pay back the money sent even though I have earnt it and have proof? Thanks :slight_smile:

Hi Webwitch,
Welcome to the forum.

I’m sorry, I don’t know the reply to your question. Others with expert of claiming carers allowance for carees in denial of the level of care they need, will no doubt be along. The forum is often quieter at weekends.

If you don’t receive the advice needed on here, you can always contact the free adviceline:


Mum must be entitled to Attendance Allowance or Disability Allowance or PIP for you to qualify for Carers Allowance, so regardless of whether or not mum sees herself as disabled, you are entitled to CA.
However, mum will have been in receipt of extra money because no one else was looking after her, which isn’t paid if she does have someone looking after her, therefore claiming CA.
So you have always qualified, whether mum likes it or not!!

How old is mum? How much care does she need with daily living?
Has she had a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and have you had a Carers Assessment from Social Services? You are still entitled to yours, even if mum doesn’t want hers.

I’m really concerned that you say mum can be really abusive at times. Please consider recording this abuse on your phone, so that you can show her GP.
Do you have Power of Attorney?