Hi there, I need some advice please! Names have been shortened for privacy.
No caller ID kept popping up on my phone and I realised that it was L (former client); I knew her voice: she asked me out, I said “L I was your carer at one point - that’s weird and wrong” I was not interested. This made her mad and ever since then she kept threatening me all the time when she was drunk (only when she was drunk though, I could tell because she slurs when intoxicated) I think that this was when she relapsed at one point because she was never usually like this, she was normally very sweet.
I’m pretty sure the texts she is talking about of me calling her names were when I had just found out that my mother had cancer and flipped out on her and called her names, I don’t think I was even her carer at that point. I could not take it anymore - my anxiety was already bad about my mum and she kept threatening me about making up lies to social services if I don’t get with her because she liked me and she even threatened me with false allegations because I did not buy her alcohol - I admit that I text her mean messages because I couldn’t take it anymore. A few times she even threatened to kill herself, so I made our mutual friend aware so that she could keep an eye on her and possibly inform L’s family family, I did not inform the office as I was not her carer. One time our mutual friend C had to call an ambulance and one time, when I was not even her C asked me to go there and get the bottle of Russian standard vodka off of her before she killed herself so I did. It’s clear that she needs help! I think that particular night I made her call an ambulance. I gave her a hug and told her that she will be okay and she needs to seek professional help as drinking was taking over her life and ruining her health even more. I only wanted to help her and even offered to be there as a friend and take her out for dinner (which maybe gave her the wrong impression). A part of me even wanted to be her friend just to keep her sweet because the threats she kept making about social services when drunk were scaring me and I thought maybe if I was nice to her and offered to be friend nothing would come of it but she wanted more than friendship which obviously I did not.
At one point I had to call the ambulance on her because she kept calling my phone talking then pretending that she could not breathe and I was scared that she was dying because she told me that she had covid and I was aware that she was not in the best health. I buzzed a neighbour and told him to check on her because I was worried and he informed me that she was sitting there laughing next to a bottle of vodka and that she was fine so I cancelled the ambulance
I think at one point she also asked me out when I was her carer before I realised that I knew her and had mutual friends but I thought that she was joking around and I never took it serious and just laughed it off and said that my partner would not be happy about that
I think that she got my number from our mutual friend C and I also got her number from our mutual friend C because she kept calling me on no caller id and I was getting annoyed and frustrated so I wanted to text her to tell her to stop and I did get angry on text and she was still calling me slurring and making threats saying that I sent her mad because I refused to be with her. It’s like she was provoking me to make me mad, I’m only human! I was terrified and lashed out! These are serious allegations that she was threatening me with and it scared me senseless as I graduate university next year for criminology and psychology and I am aware that these threats could potentially ruin my future career. I was so stressed out I barely had any nails left as I bite my nails when I am stressed. I even cried myself to sleep some nights as I felt helpless.
I did not recognise her when I first started going to hers as a carer and I never informed the office until I realised that I knew her and had many mutual friends - one day at L’s for her care call she called C and L mentioned that her carer (my name) was at hers, c said is her last name (my last name)?! Because C knows that I work as a carer in chingford and L said yes when I said that was my last name and that’s how I realised that we had mutual friends and L was also good friends with my cousin growing up and her L’s dad was best friends with my cousins husband who has since past away. When I saw old pictures of L I recognised her from family parties and what not, she used to be very overweight but since her health deteriorated, she was basically unrecognisable as she has lost half of her former body weight. When it came to mine and L’s attention that we had mutual friends and basically knew each other before, L got even more comfortable with me and would make jokes about “falling in love with her carer” and would say that I am “a very attractive girl” and pretty much was sexually harassing me and it made me uncomfortable, not only was I technically her carer by law, I also had a partner. This was when I decided that I need to tell the office to take me off because it could get messy, especially because C made me aware that she can get nasty when she is drunk.
When I did not want to pursue a intimate relationship with her or buy her alcohol, when she was drunk she used it against me that I was her carer at one point even when I weren’t her carer anymore, she said that she could make up lies to social services about me and make it look bad and end my career because she is viewed as a vulnerable person, she would even laugh and say “they think I’m a vulnerable person, you’re f*cked, I could ruin your life and get you a pova, you will never work again”.
I was so embarrassed by these threats that I did not even inform the office about them. I felt so alone, especially because I wasn’t her carer anymore I thought that they would not care and I also thought that they would not believe me. I also really didn’t know whether I should inform them or not. I couldn’t tell if it was a personal problem with a “friend” or a client problem even though she was not my client anymore.
I have no idea why the social services keep talking about a sexual relationship, where is the proof of that? I’m confused why on earth they even think that. Social services even asked me awkward questions and made me feel uncomfortable on the phone. They asked if I am gay, I said yes, they said well L is gay too. And asked me did I have a sexual relationship with her. Obviously I said no because I didn’t. I said that she is a lovely girl but she is sick and considered vulnerable and that would be wrong.
Yes I called her names - I stood up for myself, at that time I was not even her carer anyway I don’t think, I am not going to have someone abuse me and threaten me, especially after finding out that my mother has cancer, I was not in a good place and it was stress that I did not need. I’m not a bad person, I have a kind heart and would go out of my way to help anyone and these threats just pushed me over the edge and at some point even made me want to kill myself or drop out of university even though I have worked so hard
When she was sober she withdrew her statements, because she knew it was wrong and she most likely felt bad - L’s social worker who phoned me told me that she retracted it a while ago but they have to follow it up
I know it looks bad on paper but she is a drunk who made up lies
I do not believe that L is a bad person either but I do believe that she is very mentally unstable and dangerous to herself and others when she is intoxicated
I feel more as though I am the victim
I take pride in my care job and adore my clients, I find it to be very rewarding helping people and I always go that extra mile, I don’t think that I have ever even had a complaint before! Not that I am aware of anyway
Now I have a threat of a pova, my work has been suspended from today unpaid all due to this. Any advice?
I am 29 years old and L is 38