Need some help/support


What a mess!

Mum is a vulnerable adult and, whether they like it or not, is the responsibility of Social Services.
Has she had a formal Mental Capacity Assessment?
Have they done a Carers Assessment for you?
A Needs Assessment for mum? It should be a written document, if you don’t know, then it hasn’t been done properly!

You and your sister MUST refuse to be involved with providing any of mum’s care. Do NOT ring Social Services, but email them, on a daily basis if neccessary. Does she have a named care manager/social worker? Get his/her email address. Find out the email address of the LA’s Complaints Manager - at HQ, not the local office. Copy everything to him/her. Copy evertying to your sister too, and tell her to do the same.

It sounds as though mum’s mental frailty is the biggest issue, has she ever been seen by a Memory Clinic or had a brain scan to see if she is suffering from dementia?

Hi Amy
With elderly people, it’s so hard to distinguish between something that really happened and something imagined. Some things are obvious and others leave a question mark in your mind as to whether there is some truth in it, if only partially. I went through some such scenarios with my Mum, but she was nearly 100 years old not just a few years older than me like your mum is. You have a fear in the back of your mind that if something that seems unlikely is actually true, how awful that she is not believed. You KNOW when she accuses you of something you haven’t done, but someone else or strangers? You think ‘could it be true?’ That’s so hard.
Your Mum doesn’t appear to be presenting as ‘conventional/sensible/reasonable’ for her age. It appears to be obvious that she needs to be in a safe environment. Looked after and cared for. It seems harsh that she was deemed to have enough capacity to live on her own in a caravan. If she was of full capacity I would say that it was her choice and just because the family didn’t like it, doesn’t mean she can’t be allowed to do it. However that fact that she says she was ‘dumped’ when it was her choice and all the other ‘change of stories’, ‘black rooms’ and things you have noticed and know about suggest that she has some kind of MH issues as well as her MS.
If this is so, then neither you nor your sister have the training or capability to look after her. You need to concentrate your efforts into finding her a safe place where you both know she is warm, fed, looked after and kept from harm. Her mental state might mean that she never understands or appreciates where she is or why, but this is not your fault. There’s nothing either of you can do to help in that respect. I think, (just my opinion) that you have to make sure that she is physically safe and cared for. The mental issues should be up to some experts.
Do NOT blame yourselves. Do not let things she says hurt you.
Do let us know how things are going.