Coolcar
So pleased you enjoyed your day.
Proved to yourself that you don’t have to keep checking your phone constantly. Your mum was fine when you were in a different county.
More days like that are definitely needed
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And with one good day comes another bad day.
I’m absolutely exhausted after walking about 20 miles yesterday. Today I just wanted to rest. I needed some drinks from the shop and my sister asked if I would take her to get some too. I agreed. We were there and back in 10 mins.
Whilst I was in the shop my mum was frantically ringing me asking where I was and if I was with my sister. (She doesn’t like me taking my sister in the car and keeps saying my car is my sisters taxi. Yes I pick my sister up from work only because I pass her workplace on the way home.
We aren’t going for elaborate days out after work. We’re going home. Mum does not believe this.
Whilst I was in the shop she asked if my sister was with me and knowing what she is like I said no. Unfortunately she turned up around the corner and saw my sister in my car. She got really agressive calling me a liar.
Yes I lied but I only did it because she seems to think we have schemes going on behind her back. I took her to the shop on Friday and she spent the whole time acting like a misbehaving toddler throwing food around, dancing round isles and saying nasty things about people.
I took her to another comic con last weekend and she was being rude to people in the costumes, insulting stall vendors, and she showed me up in front of one of the guests (a person i specifically went to see)
She’s now kicking of saying I am lying about not taking my sister to the one yesterday. MY SISTER DID NOT GO! SHE CANNOT COPE WITH CROWDS DUE TO HER CONDITION. It was too expensive for her to go as she’s not really into geek culture. MUM DOESN’T BELIEVE ME! Then again she doesn’t believe my sister is considered disabled.
Then she always says “I don’t want to go home yet.” And expects you to drive her around for 3 hours to entertain her.
Now she’s in a mood with me. I took my sister to get some drinks. We were done in 10 mins.
She’s like this all the time though. She can’t handle rejection no matter how small.
She was due to go to the pub the other night with a friend. The friend had to cancel because her autistic daughter broke her arm and had to go to the hospital. Mum said this was not an excuse and she could have forwarned her or not even made the plans at all. Everything is just about her.
And again a few days ago, her friend wasn’t messaging her back like she wanted her to. Her husband has cancer but again she said this was not a good enough reason.
When I spoke to her she was laid in bed crying. I spoke to her for 40 mins when I should have been working. I took her out to get some food that night, and again she was behaving badly. Calling people names, throwing food.
Her whole life evolves around pub banter.
I now have to cut contact with my sister. I’ve blocked her to make my mum happy.
I also learnt that last night my mum went drinking with the person who beat me up at school. The person was telling my mum that we were best friends. I was covered in bruises for about a year because of her.
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Do not be controlled by your mother.
I would suggest that you stopped all contact with mum now.
After all you have done for her, all the support you have given her, the behaviour today is a Bridge Too Far!
Block her number.
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My sister is also adding to it. I’ve blocked my other sister, I’m not allowed to talk to her anymore.
The second sibling is just an evil little !! in every sense of the word.
She’s telling mum that it’s my fault. All this started over the fact that she was being wishy washy over coming to see my mum for my sisters birthday. My mum was crying over it because my sister wanted to spend it with her latest lover boy even though she is in a relationship. (She has fake profiles and everything)
She claims pip because she has mental health problems because she saw my dad dying. It’s a lie she never visited him once. I’ve seen her once in five years. She left home at 16 and accused my dad of awful stuff, she’s evil in every sense of the word. She doesn’t even have mental health problems.
Then mums mate let her down for a valid reason.
I’ve given my mum money, helped her out, I’ve always been the first to help her. My sister just gaslights her- they are like each other. She claims I don’t help my mum and she does it all. Yet she hasn’t visited mum in ages. The last time she visited she let a man in she met off the streets because he said she looked nice and he tried to steal the house keys and mums mobility scooter. My sister will do anything for abit of male attention.
Now my mum is threatening to harm herself and won’t speak to me.
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I feel so alone. I’m scared what’s going to happen. I don’t want mum to end up on the streets.
Bidding on that house closes in a couple of days-she’s going to be number 1 I know it
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I should never have gone. It’s all my fault.
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Hi, following my last post I am extremely worried about my mums welfare.
She expressed to my sister that she wishes to harm herself. The other day I found her crying after she was ‘let down.’ I’m worried she will end up in depression again.
She can’t take rejection very well and sees it as abandonment. My sister has certainly played her role in all this. She pretends to be innocent but she knows what she has done.
She kept saying to my mum that she was going to come and see her and stay over a few nights, then when it came to it an hour before she was due to set off she would say she isn’t coming now as she’s meeting up with a friend.
She’s done it multiple times now. Mum has cried about it to me on the phone. Then when that friend let her down it upset her. So obviously she’s more upset now. Then this has happened.
I’ve been to mums house but she isn’t answering, but I can hear the tv. A key is wedged in the door so I can’t get in. She could be asleep.
My sister cares so much, and I don’t. I’m the vile evil daughter who actually went out to see if mum was okay. Where is she? Oh wait, she’s at a blokes house.
I’m scared about mums wellbeing. It’s so close till she moves now and I wonder how everything would be impacted.
I’m worrying with everything at stake. Thanks to my lousy benefit fraud sister.
I’m worried mum may have done something stupid. But there is no one to call.
Mental health services are shocking. Ambulances don’t turn up for mental health related things, and the police don’t bother. Safeguarding are useless. They just told me it’s not their problem.
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Coolcar, slow down and breathe!
You had a lovely day out yesterday, the sort of thing non-carers take for granted. None of the issues with your sisters or your Mum have been made worse by you having day out.
Today you went to the shop - nothing wrong with that.
You didn’t invite your Mum to go to the the comedy convention nor the shop - nothing wrong with that either.
You are spiralling doing the what ifs again - what if Mum ends up homeless on the streets, what if … etc
Turn it around and start focusing on what you have achieved - you have moved out of the house, you are holding down a job, your Mum now has carers, she is band A and no1. on the housing list.
If you need closure for tonight - ask the police to check on your Mum as she is a vulnerable person and there was no reply when you called - then you have passed responsibility to them.
Then, do some of your art work to help yourself relax.
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Sorry, I’ve not got any helpful suggestions l but wanted to offer some virtual support - it’s a lot to deal with. I have a friend who is like your mum regarding rejection - she’s got an official term for it (can’t remember what it is though), and is always having meltdowns about being left out, excluded etc. it’s exhausting enough when it’s not someone you’re actively trying to support, get housing sorted for etc, so can only imagine how much more stressful in your situation.
I agree with @bowlingbun - once you’ve got your mum sorted with her next house, time to cut contact. You do not deserve that treatment.
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I’ve heard it’s BPD, I do think mum has that. Mum can be like an excited puppy. The trick is not to plan anything in advance with her, or plan it and tell her last minute. Otherwise she literally hounds you every second of everyday asking if it’s still going ahead. I’ve told her many times. I’ve also told her if I don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m probably driving, but she never listens.
In now scared. I’m tired. In pain. Mum or sister are not answering my calls or messages. It’ll be my sadistic little sister doing this. She loves to stick her ego where it’s not wanted.
I now feel like I’m being punished.
My sister has let my mum down for weeks regarding coming to see her. Always lets her down and then makes a lame excuse only to end up with a bunch of males.
Mum knows this is happening. She’s cried because she has felt rejected.
I’m scared because mums currently not talking to me. I don’t know why. I don’t know if she’s sleeping.
The bidding ends on Tuesday, and I’m scared that she will go into depression and end up in hospital again. Then what! This may stuff everything up.
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I can’t focus now. If I get like this all I can do is ground myself. Because of my OCD, I don’t like to do activities when feeling anxious because it can/has create a situation where it becomes an association and then I become avoidant. In the past I may have played a simple video game (usually something soft- I’m not into competitive gaming or anything), yet I’ve got to a point where I can start to associate the game with how bad I feel and it becomes an issue.
It sounds stupid but as an example, I’m pretty avoidant of caravan parks right now because a few weeks ago I was in one for a story, and had a panic attack. I had to leave work because I was in absolute floods of tears after. I could never complete the story. Another story emerged at the same place a few weeks ago and I was hoping they wouldn’t send me. They didn’t send me as someone else had already done it. I Hate the things now! So that and many other examples are why I can’t do certain things when caught in the OCD cycle. Outside of that cycle, totally fine.
It’s not really a victim mentality. I’m trying to work through it. What tends to happen is after a while they fade away. However, the thought of a caravan park right now makes me shudder. It’s not like I let it takeover, it happens. Two months ago I’d have been fine with them, well I was.
The bottom line is not to do anything which would force me into that situation. I have to use techniques which work such as grounding myself. I tend to gather myself around plushies and blankets. I like to make the world seem as small as possible.
Yeah I had an amazing day yesterday. Well mostly. Unfortunately I was pushed over deliberately on the train home and I’m feeling the pain in one leg today. It’s one of the reasons why I didn’t go out.
I’ve spoken to Samaritans about the way I’m feeling, and everyone seems to suggest that whilst I hurt mum, I had a right to a boundary. To me it was a 10 min trip because I was exhausted, still am and I didn’t want it to turn into a 2 hour driving fiasco. Mum kind of walked off before I told her I’d wait for her to get in to take her home.
I’m scared that when bidding closes on Tuesday and she is offered it on Wednesday or Thursday then she still wont be speaking to me, or worse stuck in a mental health crisis. Then what.
She’s had it in the past many times where once she is in depression it’s awful. She gets sectioned and the lot. Spends weeks in hospital. I’m scared of this Ive always been scared of this.
My sister has caused the feelings of rejection for my mum. I was sat in a fast food restaurant with her and my other sister on Thursday and she admitted that she’s had enough of it. Mum admitted that she has lied to her and promised her things. I think this has only projected what’s happened today.
I snapped at my youngest sibling earlier because lately she’s been letting mum down left right and centre, and I’ve had to pick up the pieces. Mum admitted this to me. I snapped today because it’s my sisters birthday next week, and she wants to come over for a meal. Mum gets excited and thinks it’s going to happen. It hurts her when she is rejected. Because she’s miles away she doesn’t have to deal with it, yet her 21 year old ego likes to think she’s gods gift and amazing at everything.
Last weekend mum got to go to the comic con and a meal in Wetherspoons
On Thursday we went to get some food from Taxo bell- I paid for it.
Friday- we went shopping for main food. Last night she was out with a friend.
It’s not like she doesn’t go anywhere.
I only lied today because me and my sister literally went to get an item from the shop each. We weren’t even 10 minutes. I just wanted to go home. I wish I hadn’t have gone.
I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. I hope mum comes round. I just want mum to get in that place where she’s safe and secure and there will be people other than me looking out for her.
I just hope mum talks to me.
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You have done nothing wrong.
For your own mental health you need to distance yourself from your family members, at least while they are behaving like this.
My OH has OCD, so I’ve got used to living with that…he’s also got a very difficult relationship with his remaining family member, and we manage that best with minimal contact. If we don’t, his stress levels shoot up, then it’s a vicious circle of OCD actions, increased stress, and so on.
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@Coolcar98 you sound like you need to keep the conversation going, if you aren’t asleep and need to talk please contact the Samaritans
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Still no contact from mum. I’m concerned about her safety, but I don’t want to send the police or an ambulance around because she’s already really annoyed.
I know she’s probably laid in bed in a pit of depression and won’t move. The fact that the key in the door means no one can get in is worrying.
I don’t know at to do, at least my sister has the glory now though right!
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If you are really concerned, contact emergency services anyway to do a welfare check. At least it will put your mind at rest.
If she is okay and pissed at you for caring, well then she should have answered your calls/the door. She has to take some responsibility for her own actions, it’s not all on you. If she isn’t okay, then at least she will receive some help and you won’t need to torture yourself thinking you did nothing.
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Coolcar, I would describe your mum as a drama queen.
You had a lovely time on Saturday so she made your life a misery yesterday, deliberately. It’s no business of hers where you go what you do or who you go with. You are all adults now.
Mum knows very well you will want to check up on her and I suspect she deliberately left the key in the door to get more attention, after all she’s lived in the house a very long time.
Ultimately we are all responsible for our OWN lives and our own happiness. You cannot keep checking up on mum. She needs to be grateful for what you do for her, not keep bitching if you and/or your sister do something without her.
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@bowlingbun She always leaves the key in the door because it makes her feel like she controls who gets in and out after everything that has happened.
I’ve just been round to my mums and there was no answer, tried calling-same. The curtains are closed so it’s some relief because why would someone on the edge of s*****e close the curtains. Mum also loves her cat too much to hurt him. I suspect her cat will be picking stuff up. He is very intelligent and loves mum to bits.
This is what my sister does, me and my other sister call her golden child because she gets away with murder constantly. Everyone knows she won’t change, so it’s okay. Thinking she’s pregnant to different men, it’s all just a daily occurance. It’s why I have limited contact.
She’s 21 and my god does she act like she knows it all. She’s just very manipulative. If she’s at my mums she will try to get me to drive her to males houses and treats me like a taxi. When i say no, I get the “well your a !! Carer aren’t you, mum needs this.” It’s because she knows the fluttering eyelashes stick every body part out can’t be used on siblings.
9 times out of 10 these males are Asian men she has found in dating sites. She doesn’t care.
Mum has said many times she doesn’t want to hang around with my sisters makes. We’ve told her that it’s because they think they can get away with murder whilst an adult is around because they use mum to take the wrath.
She also claims to be the most amazing carer, but she kept getting sacked from care homes. She now pretends she has so much wrong with her qand claims pip. I’ve seen the forms- she pretends she has trouble getting to the bathroom to go to the toilet. No she doesn’t. She gets to men’s bedrooms just fine though. She’s the reason rishi sunak wants to come down hard on people.
I just hope mum is okay and comes round. I’ve contacted safeguarding and they said they will call her to make contact.
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I’m now worried because bidding closes tomorrow and homes will be allocated Wednesday and Thursday. I need to speak to mum to get this place.
I’ve been to the house. I noticed the curtains were closed. It’s some relief that she’s managed to close the curtains. She was in good spirits when I spoke to her yesterday morning.
The trouble is she gets jealous of anyone doing anything without her. She constantly wants to be entertained and it’s exhausting. She’s at you at every minute of the day expecting to be made something of and treated. She expects Luxury. Mum
The new place was meant to provide her with the comfort of being in a place with lots of people around so there’s always someone to talk to.
I’m scared what will happen now. If she doesn’t do anything. I am cutting contact completely. My sister can go and f herself too. If she really cared about mum she would be doing stuff to help. She’s just not happy unless she’s causing drama.
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We can choose our friends, but we can’t choose our family.
However much we wish they were different from how they are, they will never change.
I was so pleased to read your happy message on Saturday, but now you are being punished for being happy. Mum is jealous. Sisters really aren’t helping.
As your family won’t change, and you live too close for them, the only solution I can see is that you have to either ignore them all, or move so far away it’s impossible for you to run around after them.
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