OCD driving me mental again. No support!

All about caring
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Hi, so right now I feel pretty awful. My thoughts are just circling around and around again. It’s all related to stuff related to mum and her needs, although right now nothing is really happening.

I’m finding it hard to deal with things at the moment. I contacted the social worker earlier in the week, but I haven’t really heard anything back, but she said she would look into stuff.

I realise I need more support than I am getting in regards to mum, but I don’t know if I’m ever going to get it. I really just want someone to take things of my hands.

I really just want to step away for abit to focus on myself for abit. I need time away. I just want to be me again.

I realise I’ve taken on far too much responsibility and I’m paying the price now. I spoke to someone who suggested that it was no wonder why I have OCD considering all the trauma I’ve been through the past few years.

I also kind of have someone in my life now. Not a partner or anything like that, he’s over double my age. (A couple of years younger than my dad would be) He’s someone I’ve known a while, but certain things have drawn us together and we talk regularly. He’s become abit of a role model for me, and someone I really look up to. I would say like father figure but I’m not going to say that because I think it’s abit mean to my dad, that void will always be there. But he’s someone that sees me for me. Although he did say he’s become like a part time dad to me.

I’ve never told him about my carer role, because I feel like he sees me for me whilst everyone else I know sees me as this person who looks after their mum. He has really helped me to feel seen.

Hes really helped me the past few months, something related to work happened (long story) he was involved, and I confided in him about it. We spoke for ages and he wanted to make sure I was okay, and asked me specifically what exactly I was worried about. He then spoke to me honestly about it all, and told me he was there to support me, and that he will always be there for me.

He’s said the same previously.

I realise that when dad died I lost the only adult in my life who supported me.

A few days later he messaged me again asking if I was okay. No one has done this in such a long time.

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@Coolcar98 Maybe instead of looking at it in terms of getting support for help with your Mum, you need to be looking into support specifically for you. As in you as a person in your own right, rather than as a carer. You’ve mentioned your friend, it’s good that you have someone who checks in and looks out for you. Perhaps it would also be beneficial to have some private counselling. A safe and private space for an hour a week where the focus is on your needs and mental health.
There is no shame in wanting to take a step back to focus on you for a while. It sounds as though you could do with the break.

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Thanks, yeah I’m trying to find some support.

I asked the social worker, but I have not heard anything. I’ve been through counselling before, however they were keen to tell me to step back from mum. Whilst I agree, I can’t do that without other things being in place. Things would fall apart pretty quickly if I didn’t.

It’s annoying because I feel like the world is just trying to push disabled and genuinely vulnerable people out.

It’s like on of my roles relates to helping mum go shopping sometimes. Mum can go shopping on her own in many places such as Aldi, however with things like club cards, rewards and all these fancy apps it’s getting harder for her as she does not know how to use them. I do, but even then I have a minor little rant everytime I go into a new supermarket and have to download and sign up to yet another app. It’s a nightmare enough for me, and that’s coming from someone who is good with tech, but it’s just become another role.

Before Christmas mum had a mental health review with the local team, and it was determined that mum would benefit from some support with improving her skills amongst other things. However, no one has got back to us whatsoever.

Apparently the local mental health team really struggle as staff are constantly going off sickx

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I’m just fed up of everything. I feel so depressed.

I just want to go home and cry into a pillow, and just waste away never to come back. But no mum wants shoes.

I’m sick of my boring pointless life. What’s the point when I’ll never be anything to anyone. No one to love or be loved by.

Let’s be honest who could want me. I reached out to my friend. But I’ve probably just blown it. I should just shut up and stop trying to solve everything. He probably thinks I’m a worthless annoying nobody too.

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@Coolcar98

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch again.

Please remember that if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger of harming yourself or taking your own life, you must call 999 straightaway and ask for an ambulance. We would strongly encourage you to speak with your GP about how you have been feeling. Your GP may be able to suggest some local sources of support. It’s vital that you don’t have to deal with this alone.

You may also find it helpful to contact the following organisations about the challenges you’ve been facing and how you are feeling:

  • The Samaritans are available at any time to provide a listening ear and can be contacted by telephone on 116 123 or by email at jo@samaritans.org .

  • Mind Getting help in a mental health crisis - Mind

  • C.A.L.L. Mental Health Helpline - Community Advice and Listening Line (callhelpline.org.uk) 0800 132 737

  • The Hub of Hope - The UK’s leading mental health support database. It is provided by national mental health charity, Chasing the Stigma, and brings local, national, peer, community, charity, private and NHS mental health support and services together in one place for the first time. The services and support listed on the Hub of Hope are not only for when things become unbearable – a crisis point. They are also for those times when we notice we are starting to struggle, or when we need extra support as we start to emerge from a particularly difficult time.

  • SANEline is a national out-of-hours mental health helpline offering specialist emotional support, guidance and information to anyone aged over 16 affected by mental illness, including family, friends and carers. You can contact them on 0300 304 7000 between 4.30pm to 10.30pm all year round or visit their website for more information www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline

Have you got any conventions or day trips planned for early this year? Anything to look forward to?

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Nothing. I feel so alone. I need someone but there is no body there.

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What about having a girlie night in with the sister you get on with?

If not, please consider using the numbers I have given you.

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I tried Samaritans.

I just wish there was someone who gets me and genuinely cares about me. I feel like I’m always there to solve problems, and be this ‘amazing little carer’. When deep down all I am is nothing, a worthless waste of a person. Someone who deserves nothing.

I haven’t been hugged in a long time nor does anyone genuinely ask if I’m okay. I tried to reach out to someone about a month ago, and instead they just slagged me off. They don’t know I know, but I do. I haven’t trusted them since.

It’s just me constantly fighting alone, and I just don’t want to do it anymore.

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@Coolcar98,

Please let your GP know how you are feeling.

The only way you are going to find your special person/ soulmate is by building a life for yourself.

At the moment, like most carers your life revolves around your caree.

Your quality of life is as important as your Mum’s.

As I’ve said to you many, many times - your Mum isn’t going to change but you can.

Are you still attending your martial arts class?

Do you usually suffer from Seasonal affective disorder?

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Stop doing what mum wants, because it’s like the ducks in a fun fair shooting gallery, as soon as you shoot one down another one pops up. Accept that you will NEVER sort mum out however hard you try. Counselling helped me do this and life was so much easier.

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I just feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle all the time. I sent an email to the social worker saying how I felt and needed more support with my role, I’d normally say this social worker was quite good, but I didn’t even get an acknowledgment of the email. Nothing.

Feels like everyone just expects me to carry on, and no one cares.

I’m fed up of mums behaviour when it comes to pubs and drinking, and I’m sick of getting almost grabbed, comments thrown at me every-time I go and get her by leery men only to be told “oh they are just been friendly.” I’m sick of drunk people pushing boundaries, but it’s okay they are drunk.

A new housemate moved in a few months ago, and he’s bullied me ever since. I’ve tried reporting him but it all came back on me.

Whenever I try to talk to people however I feel they just say “why don’t you move back in with your mum.” Because no, she’s lazy, and I can’t be doing with listening to stories about people in the pub day in day out.

I ended up speaking to my friend last night, he was talking to me for a while. I sometimes feel like I’m too intense, and I’m going to drive him away. After a while our topics of conversation changed, and we were talking about travelling and the fact that I used to perform. All that was before I became a carer. Truth is I really like this guy, he just makes me feel seen. But I’m afraid to loose him.

Whilst I know I’m an adult, when dad died I lost the most important person in my life, and instead I was handed this whatever it is.

Like many carers, I’ve just been expected to know how to deal with things, with absolutely no training. There is no incentive, nothing. No job would ever do this.

All the time people openly talk about their holidays to different countries, trips out, meals out. Instead I don’t get to travel anywhere, I’ve only just sort of being abroad once. Haven’t had a holiday in years.

Even when it comes to Christmas and birthdays there is no excitement. I’m not expecting the world, I’m happy with fuzzy socks, but mum just shoves money in my hand and that’s it. Even then she usually just ends up getting the money back because she’s off to the pub or something.

I’m just powerless, and nothing is changing. I want my life back.

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I tried to ring the social worker today after I sent an email asking if she received my email asking if we could arrange a meeting to speak. They didn’t respond to my email, so I called this afternoon, and I was told “She said she’s in a meeting, she will email you.” Just feel like I am being fobbed off abit. I’m really struggling, and its like they dont care.

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It takes them a while to get back to normal after a holiday.

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I know. I just can’t carry on, and really need help. I feel like no one is listening to me and seriously letting me struggle.

I never wanted to be a carer, and yet I feel like I’m forced to be one. I’m forced to make decisions and do the right thing by a vulnerable adult, I’m supposed to know what the right decision is, yet I don’t even know what I’m cooking for tea half the time. I do this alone, and I’m getting more and more scared by the world each day.

For a week now I’ve been struggling with panic attacks, anxiety and whatever else, and yet when I try to reach out I just feel like I aren’t being listened to. I’ve even contacted the local mental health team, but it just felt like they weren’t really interested in what I had to say.

Everyone just seems to be abit medication happy, and keep telling me maybe a review of my medication is in order. I’m not against medication, but I strongly believe that medication isn’t the answer to everything.

This evening I was doing okay managed to finally catch up on a couple of tv shows until about half an hour ago when the panic set in again. I’m so fed up of it.

I get social work is hard, I really do. I just want some support. I’m now in my late 20s and what do I have to show for it, nothing. People my age should be married, have kids, have houses, go on holidays, I have none of those things, nor do I have any plans for any of those things. At the moment I feel like I can’t really go anywhere.

This month marks four long hard years of being a carer. I don’t feel like I’ve made an improvement to anyone’s live, I feel like nothing. I really just want someone else to step in, but do it properly this time.

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Finally heard from the social worker today. I’m feeling completely let down by those who are supposed to support. Social worker said she was no longer really involved with mum and can’t do much to help anymore.

I said to her I was really struggling and needed support, but I was basically told just to go through the normal counselling services in the area. She was nice about it though. I have done this so many times, nothing works. I feel like I have been left in the lurch now.

She has urged me to speak to mental health services in terms of getting support for mum. I called the mental health team earlier in the week, and was told I would receive a call back, but I have been through all this before- they never do. When asked why they just say that they have too many staff of sick.

I just don’t know anymore.

Everyone tells me just how vulnerable mum is, but no one wants to do anything.

No one to speak to, no one to turn to for support. Nothing!

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@Coolcar98 I realise it’s of no consolation to you nor is it right; but you and your Mum aren’t the only ones being let down by MH services.

If you read other threads you will see lack of MH services is a big problem. On Roll Call, @Ula and @Michael_1910123 battle for their carees to get MH support on a daily basis.

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I get that. Just feel so totally let down really.

I feel like I’m always expected to know how do things, how to deal with things and so on. When in fact I don’t know anything.

Right now I feel like I’m on my own, I’m doing this role I’m not very good at. And im giving up most of my life to do it.

People say to me why don’t I talk to my friend about my role, well the truth is he doesn’t know. I’ve never told him.

I believe he would be supportive, however he is the first person in such a long time that sees me for me. Someone who talks to me about my interests, someone who asks how I’m doing. Someone I can laugh with. I’m not going to give that up.

Everytime I speak to someone nowadays, it’s “oh how’s your mum.” Hope you’re looking after her well. I wish people would speak to me about something else.