I apologise for the nature of this post since I’ve joined on this site it’s been nothing but negativity and problems. I just wish she I could come on here and say I’m ok, everyone I care for I ok. Life is ok. But I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what’s like to not worry, or feel anxious or dread .
Everyone in my house is suicidal and extremely depressed. Life doesn’t get better. You just adapt to your problems until it doesn’t hurt as much. My mum who I care for is extremely and suicidal. So is my brother and so am i. She has admitted she wants to die. Her health is not getting better. She has too mAny health issues an I’m so heartbroken and angry. So much suffering for one person. My brother only 20 is in bed all day. He is ill right now and doesn’t even care. He’s completely given up the will to live. And speaks like his life is gonna end soon. As For me every day I’m wanting to die. Life is a struggle everyday.
Everyone is struggling,suffering and barely living. There is no future and the present is so miserable. Past haunts us. Sometimes I was think to myself maybe I should end of all. Then I’m reminded my mum and brother have no one and no money. So think about ending it with them. I’ve been thinking about asking mum she’s hinted about it. I asked her a few weeks ago what would happen if I died. And she said she will join me. So it’s pretty obvious if I did die mum would follow me. And if anything happens to her I would join her too.
The past 9 years have been nothing but pain,poverty,loneliness and stress. It doesn’t get better. I’ve reached out to social services and mental health services. And havent heard anything in 2 months. We are tired living for the sake of it. It doesn’t get better. Everyday is the same thing. Everyone has the same face. The air is heavy and full of misery. No one is happy. I cannot remember the last time we all laughed it’s been years.
I don’t think we’ve all got long to live. I can barely motivate myself. I just feel one of us is gonna do something that we can’t undo. The question is will it be me,mum or my brother. I just wish I was never born. It would of saved mum so such grief. I’m so tired of this life.
You mention things that have happened in the past that have affected you all, and that mum is ill.
I know the feeling of doing too much for too long, in total I’ve supported TEN family members over a long period. Now just my brain damaged son.
To help you, we need to unravel the threads.
It sounds like your mum is the root of many problems.
Please can you tell us
Does she own or rent her house?
What did you want Social Services to do?
Hello thank you for replying I do appreciate it.
It’s not that my mum is the root of our problems it’s just our life has many problems. Money,debt,bills,health issues lack of support.
My mum is 52
She had a major stroke right side paralysis,aphasia, type 2 diabetes.
We went the house
We just wanted more support and help for social services.
I’m sorry for your circumstances. I just hope life gets better for all of us
welcome to the forum. Life sounds very difficult for all of you and very bleak. Feeling that there is no way out of a situation can make it feel even worse and feeling depressed can make it feel like taking any step to improve the situation is just too hard. However, you have taken the first step - by posting on here.
Your Mum - she must be very fed with her situation. Has she had support from an occupational therapist/physiotherapy to maximise her mobility and independence? If not, ask the GP to refer her. Her Aphasia must be very frustrating for her. Has she had support from speech therapy? Does she have any visual aids to help her to communicate? The Stroke Association has lots of useful information and before Covid organised local groups which should be starting up again https://www.stroke.org.uk
To get social care support for your Mum, she needs a Needs Assessment Needs assessment | Carers UK
Unfortunately social care deal first with those who shout loudest. Ring them on Monday, take the name of the person you speak to and make sure they know how desperate the situation is. Ring everyday until they help you.
Is her diabetes well managed?
What is wrong with your brother? Is he receiving treatment?
Now you. Contact your GP and let them know what is going. They may even contact social care on your behalf.
You mentioned money issues. Is mum getting PIP - Personal Independence Payment, for care and mobility?
This would enable you to claim Carers Allowance.
Does mum own or rent the house?
Are you getting Housing Benefit, if you are renting?
She had a stroke 9 years ago. She got therapy after she returned to the hospital.I’ve done everything you have listed. I’ve contacted stroke association in the past. We phoned them recently for advice.however I might ask the go if they can he!p is for mum like speech and occupational therapy. Thank you for your comment.
Also in will contact the social worker again. Thank you. Her diabetes is controlled and managed but I’m afraid. It’s so much work. So much things she cannot have. So much food and drink that could make her diabetes wotst. Since her diagnosis I’m working even more. And I’m afraid for her health in the future.
I spoke to My go and she kinda brushed it off. Said mum’s fine. And to take my antidepressants and she will arrange for therapy for me.
My brother is ill massive boil size of a chestnut.But he doesn’t want treatment.
Yes she’s so fed up. It’s heart breaking watching my mother vsuffer. Thank you for your kindness and advice.
Thank you for posting in the Forum about your situation. It sounds like you, your mum and your brother have been having a really tough time recently. In addition to the supportive responses from Melly1 and bowlingbun, I have also sent you an email with some additional suggestions of support.
We all understand that it’s tough being a long term carer. Non carers haven’t got a clue.
It’s very tough being disabled, unable to do any of the things we used to.
Try to find moments of pleasure every day to lighten your mood. I love watching my plants grow, and enjoy sewing. Even just taking a few moments outside watching the clouds can be calming.
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this and I am so sorry that you haven’t received any support from social care or mental health services. Sadly as someone said on here it’s those who shout loud enough that sometimes get the support but please contact your mental health services and social care again and be quite firm with them that you are struggling.
Would you mind telling me how old you are and which area you live in? I can then post some links and offer some advice Re your mental health. I better add that I am a children’s mental health practitioner and quite worried about you.
I’m so sorry I just got this comment. Thank you. I’m really trying but I’ve lost so much passion and not for things. Nothing brings me joy. But I will try. Thank yiu. You have always been so kind and helpful l. I hope you are well ? And that one day I can be of help.
Hello thank you for replying and being so kind. I understand I will phone and ask this week. Mental health is not good and I’ve been drinking a lot and went back to self harm. I’m really trying but it’s hard. I’m 29 and I love in hounslow. Thank you please take care.
I was conditioned from an early age never to put myself first, but to always put others first - because that suited everyone else!
The sad truth is that if you don’t put yourself first, your own mental and physical health, your goals in life, your dreams, no one else will - because they are putting their OWN wellbeing first!
If they run you down and mentally trample on you until you have no self respect, you will stay at home with them.
If they can’t be bothered to cook their food or clean up, then you will do it for them, and so on.
Try to look at what is going on in your household in a new light.
If your brother has a boil on his bum, then he has to grow up and sort it out for himself. Have no pity for him, he has to get OFF his painful backside and take action to improve the situation, or deal with the consequences. It’s not your problem to sort out, so don’t. Keep reminding him it’s his bum, he either does something or suffers. His choice.
Mum has very serious physical and mental health problems, not of her making.
You say that you have asked for help from Social Services. Are you currently getting ANY help at all?
Is mum managing her own money, wisely?
Does she have a pendant alarm so you can to out of the house without worrying about her?
Does she go out to any disabled clubs to meet others?
Does she have a mobility scooter?
Has the home been adapted so she can have a bath and do as much as possible for herself?
Can she, to use simple language, “think straight” or is she very muddled and easily forgetful?
My son was brain damaged at birth, he has aphasia too, some days his brain works better than others. I used to think that he was just being difficult, until an older friend, brain damaged as the result of an accident, said that this happened to him too.
When did mum last have a holiday?
When did you last have a holiday?
I suspect you have become a “Clapped Out Carer”. you’ve done so much for so long for so many there isn’t any energy left for anyone?
I appreciate this. And I think I could of done reading this 9 or 8 years ago. But it’s too late. I’m tired, I’ve changed as a person . Mental health is in tatters and my body has been neglected and abused. At this point I don’t even care about living life to the fullest. I just want peace and ease at this point. I really appreciate that. My mum had to take care of he siblings and then she had to take care of my at a young age. You are right if you are not selfish everything goes into decline. I ready wish mum was more selfish. I don’t think she would of got sick so young.
Yes we for my brother I can only do so much. His boil was in his armpit I’m sorry if I said bum. He said he’s handling it and he’s feeling better. But I get it we all have neglected ourselves. So I cannot judge him. He’s had it hard I would say harder then me. He was 11 when mum had her stroke.
At the moment still awaiting to hear from social services. I’m gonna email and call them. No we are not getting any help at all never have. I handle the finances but I’m terrible at it unfortunately I’m terrible at everything.
Yes she does have a pendant alarm.
No mum doesn’t go to any clubs. My hasn’t left them house to socialise with people in 9 years. She may see her mum and dad. But that’s it.
No she has no mobility scooter
The house has been adapted but it needs more adaptations.
My mum has a good memory she can be forgetful sometimes.
My mum has never had a holiday. She’s 52 and has never had a holiday. I’ve never had a holiday either. Yes I’m tired. But it’s more the unrelenting stress and problems health issues and money problems then actually caring. I’m tired of seeing my mum sick.
Life is so harsh and cruel.
I also would like to say thank younger your kindness and empathy. I hope you are ok. Reading your responses you have been through alot. I hope you and your son are doing ok ?
Thanks, we are pretty good now. We had a terrible few years with so many loved ones, my parents, my in laws, my husband and sister in law all dying. Then I had cancer, found my husband dead in bed, and then had a head on smash that nearly killed me in under 2 years!
Were you never involved with Young Carers after mum had her stroke?
I’ll give you a few ideas for you to get help and a holiday tomorrow, I’m still recovering from my tooth issues last week, so it’s time for an early night.
Firstly thank you for replying. I’m glad you and your son are doing well now. I would like to send my sincere condolences to you and your loved onew. I have no idea how you kept going. How did you cope ? The fact you have been through so much and get you come on here to help others is so kind and generous. Thank you so much. For the help you have given me and others. Life can be so harsh I don’t understand.
And I hope you get better with your tooth hopefully recovery will be swift. Please look after yourself.