Newby in Devon

Hi all

I stumbled across this group when I Googled ‘why does my mum cry so much’ - oh dear I think I have some tough times ahead but I’ve seen some great support and advice on this forum already.

My mum is in her 80’s, I am an only child, married, busy with multiple jobs, no kids through choice - I’m not a natural Carer - many challenges ahead.

Thanks for reading! :smiley:

Hi DM … welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type.

How can we help you … I assume the day to day caring side ?

In which case , can you let us know the " Basics " … a good test if you have been reading some of the forum threads ?

Health / support / housing / benefits etc.

On the radar of AGE UK ???

I will again assume the caring side ?

Mother’s condition … deteriating … additional support … needs / carer assessments … even a potential care home / CHC
Continuing Healthcare down the line ?

Currently working … and claiming Carers Allowance ?

Do you see yourself as one of us in the near future … by choice even though there is no legal requirement or … as a care
manageress if that could be possible ?

Others will be along to extend their welcomes and add their own insights.

Knowledge in advance enables one to be prepared. Knowing the possibilities that may be ahead of us. Can only be useful.

It’s important to keep up to date with changes in social care/benefits etc. As the goal posts and new Government policies can take us by surprise.

I have a husband who has had physical disabilities for the last thirty years. Things had constantly changed. We decided to leave our bungalow and seek independent living with extra care. As we were only to well aware of the future care needs.

We didn’t want to be isolated and too old to make the move.

The community we live in is just great. Social interaction / activities/ security etc

Hi both

Thanks for the replies. I don’t think there’s too much just yet, I think financially she won’t get any help as she has savings, own home etc, and I won’t get carers allowance as I work full time and tbh I don’t want to be her Carer 35 hours a week! For me it’s more the realisation and support that comes from reading the threads and knowing that I’m not alone in not feeling too chuffed at the years ahead.

When my mum was 80 she says happily that she was going to live to be 100, and I could have cried. And that makes me feel a bit guilty, but I have to find a way forward. :smiley:

Hi Devon Maid,

Devon is my favourite county. I’m lucky to live in the New Forest, but whenever I take a short break, it’s always in the direction of Devon. I spent some of the happiest days of my life with my grandmother who lived in Colyton, near Axminster. My son with learning difficulties loves it too, we stayed in Ipplepen, near Newton Abbot earlier in the year. He’s a steam enthusiast, so we went on the South Devon Railway (I get a discount as carer) and also the Dartmouth to Paignton Railway (no discount!)

Would you like to tell us a bit more about mum? These questions look very random, but there is a reason behind each one.
How old is she?
Does she own her home?
Physical problems?
Mental problems?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Does mum have over £23,000 in savings? Yes/No

Hi Devon Maid
I felt the need to reply although I am mostly “retired” from the forum and a former carer. Like BB Devon is my bolt hole as fortunate to be neighbouring along side it.
I recognised myself in your thread-totally none maternal and no children through choice. Dad began his legnthy decline from his early 80s and I got him through to early 90s. I was as far removed from care as possible initially working in debt recovery and it creaps up on you. Life throws you googlies and you adapt accordingly. Certainly at the beginning that feeling of not being alone was the most important part so just to say- glad you have found us. :smiley: :smiley:

Hi Bowlingbun, thanks for your reply, we’re very lucky to be in Devon, I do love it here.

How old is she? 81
Does she own her home? Yes
Physical problems? Both hips replaced but no not really. Overweight doesn’t help with short breath/Copd
Mental problems? I think the start of dementia. She has just said that she realises she asks me the same thing over and over. I’m noticing she writes things down a lot more than in the past.
Do you have Power of Attorney? Yes
Does mum have over £23,000 in savings? Yes

She is quite unsocial and would happily never leave her house again, Moans if people pop in to see her then they say to me that they don’t feel welcome. She’s also starting some quite random obsessions. She has said today that the memory problems are just part of old age and I d gently said that things can be done and once shes over her hip replacement we will go to the doc.

Lol,amazing post,you’re welcome