good point, yes, she ‘used’ to be independent!
That said, it’s great that she WANTS to remain as independent as she can, because there are old people who are only too eager to ‘collapse’ all over anyone else (usually a put upon middle aged daughter - statistically speaking!), so that she does want to stay at home, stay as independent as she can, is definitely ‘good’;…but…
BUT she does have to accept what she cannot do any more on her own.
The question then becomes - what help/care does she NEED (not necesarly ‘want’ - needs and wants are not the same!)(eg, she may ‘want’ her daughters to do everything for her she can’t, but she doesn’ NEED them to do it - as in ‘anyone’ could do it, including outsiders!), and then WHO is going to provide it.
There’s quite a lot of previous posts across the forum about ‘sneaky ways’ (!) to get the elderly to accept ‘outside help’.
For example, if a daughter is always visiting and then spendin the time cleaning the house because their mum can’t manage it any more, then simply get a cleaner. At first, get the cleaner to come when the daughter is there ‘to help the DAUGHTER’…and then gradually ‘back off’ so the cleaner does ‘everything’ and not the daughter, and finally turns up when the daughter is not there anyway.
As for ‘social care’ (eg, a care worker arriving in the mornigns to help your mum up and shower etc etc), one of the things, again, the elderly find hard to understand is that if they are perfectly happy to do to their GP ‘for free’ they should equally be happy to bge ‘carers’ in ‘for free’ (if they qualify). careworkers coming in is NO different from getting ‘free’ GP time - both have been ‘prepaid’ in taxes earlier.
Finally, stress to your mum that the time you want to spend with her is ‘keeping company’ …ENJOYING being with her ‘socially’, eg, visiting for tea, taking her out, going through old photos, drawing up a family tree, even just watching TV together. Let ‘someone else’ do the ‘chore work’ of helping her have a bath, or cleaning the house. Don’t you and your sister ‘waste precious time’ doing what someone else can do. Only YOU can be your mum’s daughters, loving her company, and keeping company with her…