Hi I’m new. I care for my mother in law who has dementia. I have recently had to give up work to look after her full time. There are times when I find it very difficult. I’ve been told I can’t get Carers allowance because she doesn’t get any benefits. This this right?
Looking forward to being able to talk to others in similar situations.
Yes and no. Why isn’t she claiming Attendance Allowance and exemption from Council Tax due to “severe mental impairment”? Once that is in payment you can claim Carers Allowance.
Has she had a Needs Assessment from Social Service recently, and you a Carers Assessment from SSD?
How old is mum, and how old are you?
Does she own, or rent her house? Do you still have a home elsewhere?
Don’t end up homeless when mum dies!!
Hi Beverley … welcome to the canteen.
Mother with dementia , assuming over 65 and not in receipt of any benefits ?
First step … Attendance Allowance ( AA ) :
Attendance Allowance: Overview - GOV.UK
Once AA is granted , you may be able to claim Carers Allowance :
Carer's Allowance: How it works - GOV.UK
Housing … owner occupied ( Mortgage ? ) … or tenant … social / btl ?
Housing beneit being claimed ?
Housing Benefit: Eligibility - GOV.UK
Council Tax discount ?
Apply for a Council Tax discount - GOV.UK
That’s the financial side as a first step.
Mother … dementia … CHC / NHS Contuing Healthcare / NHS Nursing Funded Care … considered / in course / applied for but rejected ?
Possibility of a care home in the future ?
All sorts of questions then arise … as BB has intimated … but enough to ponder on for now ?
Beverly - do you WANT to look after your MIL full time?
You don’t have to, you know!
I tried looking after mine, and within five months I was suicidal…
No one realises how ‘impossible’ it is to take on the full time care of an elderly person…and I’m sorry to say that for someone who is not a blood relative, it can be even more impossible…
For me, and my MIL, although I was very fond of her, there were no ‘heart strings’, and that meant I could not ‘feel the love’ that is usually what carers need to keep going.
Why are you looking after her in the first place? What are your circumstances?
Who told you that you HAD to give up work? Your husband? Is he still working?
Did you enjoy your work? Does MIL give you anything for the care you provide? If she has over £23,000 including property, than make sure she does recompense you in some way.
This is where someone having Power of Attorney is so important. Was it sorted out before MIL developed dementia? If not, you can go to the Court of Protection.
If she doesn’t have much money, the easiest thing to do is for you or your husband to become DWP Appointee - you’ll need to do this in any case if you need to apply for Attendance Allowance, it’s quick and easy unless you have a dodgy past! Then all her benefits go into a new separate bank account for the benefit of MIL alone.
Bear in mind that in residential care ALL benefits apart from about £25 a week go towards someones living expenses, so that would be a very fair way of dealing with MIL’s money. Also bear in mind that at some stage funeral costs will need to be paid.
She is 88 and we live with her in her house. I don’t get any help and our daughter is autistic and epileptic. Still waiting for social services to get back to me.
Can she claim attendance allowance if we live with her.?
The housing does worry me. Really have got to a point that I’m not sure where to turn. Her son (my husband) can’t face what’s happening so won’t get involved with her care.
I need a break lol.
Does she own the house, or rent it? That’s important!
Sorry to bang on about the money aspects, but it is that that will determine what you can actually do, or not do, and what the risks are.
If she owns her own house, and you two are living in it, then will your husband inherit the house as and when she dies? Or are their any other sons or daughters around to make a claim on the house?
If your husband is the only child, and will definitely inherit it, then it could well be worth while financially at least to keep your MIL out of a care home. This is because if she goes into residential care her house will have to be sold to pay for her fees, and that could easily eat up a LOT of the value (possibly all of it!) (my MIL spent the ENTIRE £100 she got from selling her flat - the whole lot went in a few years of residential care!)(it cost £100 a day, and that is ‘good value’ for many care homes - horrendous!)
However, if, when your MIL dies, there are several children of hers to inherit, then what you and your husband can expect is a lot, lot less. So it becomes far less ‘risky’ to ‘put her in a home’ (if it comes to it) (ie, you have less to lose anyway)
However again, IF your husband is over 60 already, it could be that your MIL’s house is NOT going to have to be sold to pay for any residential care - others here on the forum know the rules on this better than me.
What you do NOT want is to end up with you having to look after her in order to stop the house being sold to pay for her residential care, only to ensure that your husband’s brothers or sisters (if he has any) putting out their hands for a share of the house when your MIL dies …when YOU have done all the work of looking after her!
BUT, if your MIL only rents the house, this is also ‘dangerous’ as what will happen when she either dies, or even goes into residential care? Will you and your husband/daughter become homeless?
It really is time to ‘think ahead’ and, grimly, to think through all the ‘worst case’ scenarios.
Beverley, my son (39) has severe learning difficulties due to birth injury. What help are you getting for your daughter?
You CANNOT do all this with no help at all, or you will break. My husband had a massive heart attack and died aged 58. Don’t let this happen to you.
I’m sorry your husband can’t cope with his mum, so why should you??? How old are you both?
Attendance Allowance doesn’t depend on income or who lives with someone, purely on needs. However, if you are already getting CA for your daughter, you won’t qualify for a second CA for MIL.
Does mum own her home, or rent it from the Council or Housing Association.
If she owns her home, usually if she moved into residential care her home would be sold to pay for the cost of care BUT as your daughter has special needs, I think the rules are different. (One of our members, Chris, will I’m sure read this and find the relevant bit of the Care Act for you!)
If you are over 60, the value of the property would be disregarded.
Ring Social Services Head Office and insist that you speak to the Complaints Officer for Social Services. Alternatively look at their website, search for Adult Services Complaints, you may be able to do it online. Also contact the Learning Disability Team and insist they do an updated Needs Assessment for your daughter and Carers Assessment for you, as there has been a “change of circumstances”.
(Jenny and I typing at the same time)
It’s understandable your husband finds this hard to face, but I’m afraid he can’t hide his head in the sand for ever. Things have to be sorted out both for now, and the future.
How much care does your daughter need? Does she live with you? I take it she can be left on her own, if so, since you were working? Or have I misunderstood?
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If she owns her home, usually if she moved into residential care her home would be sold to pay for the cost of care BUT as your daughter has special needs, I think the rules are different. (One of our members, Chris, will I’m sure read this and find the relevant bit of the Care Act for you!)
The answer to that one will probably be over on SCOPE … and their online advisors … more a question they can handle as opposed to us mere carers on this forum.
Yep , a lot more than mere financial concerns here … as I thought on first reading … Pandora’s box has , indeed , been opened ?
Yes it’s her own home. My husband is an only child so no help from any where else.
My daughter lives with us.she has mild learning difficulties as well. She just needs encouragement but independent on personal care.
My MIL have a fit in November and things have gone down hill. I have to do everything for her.
I was able to leave her before with my daughter but her needs are more complex now.
Mmm … kinship caring now a factor … if only temporary ?
Beverley, did you ask Social Services to reassess MIL after the fit?
Was if definitely a fit, or a stroke? Was she given any tests afterwards?
If your husband is the only child, that can make things easier in some ways, no interfering siblings who do nothing!!
Yes still waiting for the assessment. She had a brain scan and they said it was caused by brain shrinkage and is on epilepsy tablets.
What does that mean Chris?
Two months to wait is too long in these circumstances. Start making formal complaints, in writing, to the Complaints Officer, and maybe also the Director of Social Services. Keep nagging!
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Kinship care is when a child lives full-time or most of the time with a relative or friend who isn’t their parent, usually because their parents aren’t able to care for them. That relative or friend is called a ‘kinship carer’, and it’s estimated that around half of kinship carers are grandparents, but many other relatives including older siblings, aunts, uncles, as well as family friends and neighbours can also be kinship carers.
There are lots of different types of kinship care, and if you’re a kinship carer, you might find that as circumstances change the type of kinship carer you are changes too. Kinship care includes children who may be:
living in an informal arrangement made by their parents.
‘looked after’ by the local authority and placed with kinship foster carers.
on a Child Arrangements Order or Special Guardianship Order.
Kinship care is when a child lives full-time or most of the time with a relative or friend who isn’t their parent, usually because their parents aren’t able to care for them. That relative or friend is called a ‘kinship carer’, and it’s estimated that around half of kinship carers are grandparents, but many other relatives including older siblings, aunts, uncles, as well as family friends and neighbours can also be kinship carers.
There are lots of different types of kinship care, and if you’re a kinship carer, you might find that as circumstances change the type of kinship carer you are changes too. Kinship care includes children who may be:
living in an informal arrangement made by their parents.
‘looked after’ by the local authority and placed with kinship foster carers.
on a Child Arrangements Order or Special Guardianship Order.
Kinship carers are also often referred to as ‘family and friends carers’ or ‘connected people’ by local authorities and in official documents.s are also often referred to as ‘family and friends carers’ or ‘connected people’ by local authorities and in official documents.
Examples … brother caring for a sister , grandchild caring for a grandparent … most are informal arrangements under the radar of all Legislation and LA support services.
Would this be kinship? Her son is 58 and a diabetic. Does that make any difference.
No … " Family " … in essence , parent / sibling … " Kinship " … within the context of a family … any combination other than parent / sibling.
Gets even more complicated when more than two generations live under the same roof … and a carer for one is also being cared or by another … blind grandmother caring for wheelchair bound son ( Infamous case my mother came across ) … granddaughter caring for saId grandmother when the two are alone.
During CarerWatch days , we gave up after identifying 61 diferent combinations within a three generation family … basis 2 / 2 / 4 … or was it 62 ?
For the real cherry on the top , what benefits would be payable , and the best combination ?
( All part of the work undertaken by CarerWatch prior to the last Carers Strategy back in 2009. )
That was late 2008 … and I’m still working on it … honest !
Thanks