I have just joined this site as I am struggling at times to hold it all together.
I have just turned 60 (young at heart), but feel I am missing out on so many things. My issues revolve around my eldest sister who has vascular dementia and a husband with severe depression. Both have been ongoing for the past 4-6 years and I am now beginning to struggle. My time is swept up with one or the other (and we now have an elderly dog with Cushings and Kidney issues, so more to cope with). I also work part time for a Charity which at times makes things difficult trying to juggle everything. I am a very positive person but there are times when I feel I have no respite and I am losing touch with family and friends because of it all.
My sister who is 76 is so difficult (she has other issues COPD, osteoporosis etc) and has 4 carers a day to go in. I live 30 miles away, so monitor things via a camera and can speak to visitors etc via an Alexa. I deal with all her financial affairs, paperwork, appointments, phonecalls, etc and my other sister goes round to do her washing and go shopping, but she is 74 herself. We have power of attorney on all aspects, which makes some things easier to deal with, but the backlash we get from our sister is awful. She is so nasty if there are any new carers and refuses to eat and use the commode if she doesn’t know them. She has her nephew living there with her who has Asperges (autism spectrum) so this causes other issues too. All this has been going on since 2022.
As well as this, I have a husband with depression. This started in January 2019 when we were living in France. In the September 2019 he said he wanted to come back to the UK so within 6 weeks we had put the house up for sale and moved back. It took him until July 2020 to admit he was suffering with depression, which I knew and had gone through 18 months of treading on eggshells not to send him into “a dark place” where he wouldn’t communicate for days. I knew he had to get help in his own time and that finally happened this year in April. He had a breakdown at work and got suspended - he finally realised he needed help and went to the doctors and also had therapy sessions. He was put on anti depressants which were fine to begin with, but he is dipping back down again.
During all of this, over the past 6 years, it has been on me to keep everything going. I sort everything for my sister and everything at home and I am tired and exhausted with it all. I have lost touch with so many friends and family with all this and most of my time is taken up checking footage on my sister and writing up daily notes (carer times, any visits she has had).
I am sorry this is a long first post, and there is obviously a lot of other bits that have gone on over the past 6 years, that have gone on too. I still feel positive, as I tell myself there is always someone much worse off than me out there and I feel like I am just moaning if anyone asks how my sister is. I guess it is affecting mental health underneath despite my positive attitude.
Thank you for reading 