I have just joined this site for exactly the same reason. I have an elder sister with vascular dementia and a husband with severe depression. Both have been ongoing for the past 4-6 years and I am now beginning to struggle too. My time is swept up with one or the other (and we now have an elderly dog with Cushings and Kidney issues, so more to cope with). I also work part time for a Charity which at times makes things difficult trying to juggle everything. I am a very positive person but there are times when I feel I have no respite and I am losing touch with family and friends because of it all. Don’t feel alone, yours was the first post I saw and I felt straight away that there are others who feel like I do but have no one to talk it over with.
Hi Kazzy, welcome to the forum.
Can I ask how old you and your carees are?
How far away is your sister?
Do you have Power of Attoney for her? If not, who is managing her financial affairs? So many times people with dementia don’t understand the benefits system and what they are entitled to. That depends partly on age.
Do you have a dishwasher and tumble dryer? I call these my “ mechanical slaves”.
Hi there,
I am 60, my sister (76) with Dementia lives in Manchester and I am in Cheshire. My other sister who is (74) lives nearer so does more of the hands on bit of washing and shopping, whilst I do all the paperwork and finances. Yes we have a Power of attorney which has made some things easier for me dealing with authorities etc. It is so time consuming as we have a camera so I check the footage daily as we have had issues with carer timings for her meds and then issues with new carers. She has to have her bed lowered to the floor as she slides out of bed in her sleep and the new carers never read the notes properly, so it is constant emails or phonecalls. I used to be so organised with my own life but now all that is last minute if at all
I can understand where you are coming from OP. I am in a similar situation. It’s hard work and I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t. You are able to go and enjoy yourself now and then, so make the most of it and try and think of an “escape plan”, although I am not sure what it is as I have been looking for it for years and years.
FYI, I look after Mum, have an “autistic” sister and a few other crazy siblings who I have to look after. I have a few able siblings but they don’t care and don’t help!
Is your sister with dementia claiming Attendance Allowance and exemption from Council Tax?
Yes, I sorted both of those. Also, after the winter fuel payment withdrawl, I checked into pension credit and she got the full amount. This also meant I could apply for a free tv licence too for her. Only problem then was her payable portion of the care cost with the local council went up 
Its just good to connect with others like yourself. It helps you realise you are not alone and there are others who can listen when you feel down with it all, or can give advice when needed.
Hi @Kazzy65 I’m not overfamiliar with the site. Are you referring to my post? If you want to, my inbox is open. I’d love to connect with carers going through the same emotions.
Hi, Sorry, I have not been on the site for a few days and sometimes my emails are left until I can get chance to sit down and go through them all.
Like you I am a newbie to the site, so seeing your post I felt like I was not alone in the feelings I am going through. Sometimes I get no respite, even when I go to work, I am getting phone calls regarding my sister - from the care company, Dr’s, district nurses etc. I am then also sorting out whatever needs sorting for my husband, as he leaves everything to me, which I don’t mind as he gets agitated if it is something that is not straightforward (no patience).
Not sure about you, but sometimes, when I have a few minutes where I am alone, I feel like or actually have a little cry - I guess it is a kind of release.
Hope you are doing okay
Put your answerphone on at work saying that you do not have access to it during working hours, that they MUST EMAIL you and you will answer asap. Then you will get some peace and there is the added advantage of written evidence.
What is annoying, is whenever anyone from the NHS phones, it always comes up as “Hospital” as it is a generis number and 9 times out of 10, they never leave a message. This is infuriating as you never know which department / person has phoned
Do you get anxiety about it all?
Yes very often. I am dealing so much with my sister that I then feel I am not keeping an eye on how my husband is doing.
The OT is visiting my sister tomorrow, so its important I can check in on the visit for anything that may be missed. I will be at work at the time and the same again on Wednesday as I have to take a call from elderly medicine about her. My work and home life gets put on hold at times which is not good.
Now have another poorly puppy - she needs surgery next Monday on her eye, the same day the elder dog is in for blood tests.
I really feel I am.being tested sometimes.
So glad this forum exists 
You’re handling many things, which is good…for a short time. You need to set boundaries and find time to look after yourself. I find that allowing myself some me-time, even if it’s just a few minutes a day or taking a long bath helps massively.
I make sure I take time out before bed and read a book. I have read a few over the past 4 years…… 
Hear hear. I found this site through word of mouth. It’s nice to vent, blow off steam.
Its been a few weeks since I have posted on here - just had a bit of a meltdown and now I just want to sit down and cry.
Firstly we lost our elderly dog three weeks ago, we had to make the hardest decision to let her go. After 15 years of our life with her, she was a big part of our life. This has hit us hard but more so my husband and it has knocked him back into his depression, so he has been off work the past two weeks. One of his friends who he always talks to when he is not so good, had a massive heart attack, that has meant he has been given until Christmas as his heart is not good. Again this has knocked him back. I am treading on eggshells shells constantly trying not to say or do something that will put him further into his dark place. On top of that, my sister with Dementia, ( i have POA along with my other sister) is being so difficult at the moment. She has new equipment which the carers requested and she flatly refuses for it to be used. She is awkward, obnoxious and swears at the carers.
My husband asked me to sort his new sick note this morning, and as it hasn’t come through asked me to ring the Dr’s. They told me his Dr isn’t in, so it will be a couple of days. He started to complain, so I said what am I supposed to do, and he flipped and walked off to the bedroom. I lost it I’m afraid, I have bottled everything up for so long over the past few years with him and my sister. I screamed at him - '“I can’t do this anymore, you don’t understand what all this is doing to me” and burst into tears, which I think jolted him a bit. Now we are sat more or less in silence, I just want to cry. I have had 7 years of this with my husband ( it all started in 2019 but took until last year for him to have his breakdown) and just going into the 5th year with my sister. Everyone always comes to me with their problems, for advice etc and I have all this bottled up. It is only recently I’ve have started talking about it a little, but never like to burden people with it.
I am sorry this post is so long, I just needed to type it all down as a bit of a release 
@Kazzy65 sending you cyber support and (((hugs))).
It’s always heartbreaking to lose a pet, they are such a big part of our day to day lives.
Living with someone with MH needs /depression is very hard as is caring for someone with dementia and you are doing both.
It sounds like your husband needs someone outside the family to overload to, as do you.sharing with us is a start. No need to apologise. Xxx
@Melly1 thank you. At the moment, this forum feels like the only safe place to let it all out. Mainly because everyone else on here is in the same sort of situation, so understands.
Just a few kind words or bits of advice can help lift those down moments for us carers.
I am sure my brave face and exterior will be back tomorrow. I always think to myself when i get like this, that there is someone out there in a much worse situation than me, and so snap myself out of it - it usually works before I get near the meltdown, but didn’t tonight
Is your sister living with you?
How old is she?