New young adult carer

Hi everyone!
I’m new to the Carers UK. I’ve been caring my mum last 2 years. She had brain injured (forget what she did and said most of the time) my mum can UK 12 years ago and I came here 2 years ago. I didn’t grow up with my mum. So there’s some problems between us. But it’s fine. The thing is when my mum get angry she get mad at me and there were some fights between us (pull my hair, punch, calls me bitch,whore and tell me that I have to move out of her house etc) there’s so many things happened last 2 years. I moved out by myself for few months but I couldn’t leave her. Then I came back. But the fights starting again. Lately our relationship is getting worse. She jealous of her husband with me all the time. And now I really hate my mum I don’t want to talk with her. Sometimes I wanted to kill myself but I just couldn’t. And I don’t have many friends in here. Because of my mum. I just thought in here people can support me any other ways.

No-one has to care for anyone else if they don’t want to, no matter what their relationship.

Is anyone outside of your circle of family and friends aware that you are caring?

Has your Mum had a Needs Assessment and yourself a Carers Assessment from Social Services?

In this country, mum has no right whatsoever to hit you, punch you or pull your hair. Tell her that if she EVER does it again, you will go to the Police. When she swears at you and calls you names, record it on your phone. This is physical and mental abuse.

Plan to move out, you should not be made to feel guilty, she is horrible.
How old is mum, does she have a diagnosed mental illness?
What is dad doing whilst this is happening? Does he see it as acceptable behaviour from his wife???

We are here to help you.

Hi Ankhtsetseg

Thanks for joining Carers UK and for posting about your experiences in the Forum. We were sorry to hear that you’ve been having a really difficult time with looking after your mother recently.

I’ve sent you a private message with some suggestions for steps you can take to improve your situation which I hope you will find helpful. When you are logged into the Forum you can find your private messages in the top right of the screen.

Wishing you well


Can I ask where you came from originally? If you didn’t grow up with mum, who looked after you as a child?
Would you like to return to your old home and life, or remain in the UK?
Why did you come to the UK - were you forced to?
Where is your dad?

Your mum is clearly very ill. How old is she?
Next time mum gets nasty, can you safely record what she says on your mobile phone?
Do you know who her doctor is?

Sorry for all the questions, it’s the only way we can find the best way of helping you. Please remember what I said before, in the UK she has no right to hit you, that is a criminal offence.