BIG BIG hugs @LisaP
Could you put the lovely photo of both of you up at the front where people will be speaking? It’s a gorgeous photo of you both, also it’s kind of like we’ll all be with you supporting you, because WE see you both together xoxo
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S-I-L and her husband have arrived in town. She wants me to catch up with them before Thursday.
I feel anxious and stressed and I don’t really want to meet up with them. But I also don’t want to be rude.
I have no idea why the thought of her makes me feel this way.
I went back to work but I’m off again now.
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Keep telling yourself to “hang on in there” until after the service, then she will go home and you won’t have to see her ever again. My normal “can do anything” attitude abandoned me for a while, it’s OK not to feel normal. I was super worried about the car breaking down. Husband could mend anything. But eldest son was a mechanic and we had a male friend who was mechanically useless. He got by, so I could too! Just be kind to yourself. If possible go away for a few days, ideally self catering, so you can do what you want when you want.
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The next couple of days are going to be really difficult as it all becomes so real. I agree with @bowlingbun that you only have to manage a few more days and then never have to deal with anyone you don’t want to ever again.
Just hang on. We’re with you - even if we can’t be there physically.
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@LisaP Hello hon - BIG BIG hugs
If this helps…Dad was a big one on family, etiquette etc etc BUT Mum and I decided AGAINST having dinner with his siblings the night before the funeral service. (the day they arrived) we would be seeing them a few minutes before to get in cars together to go to the crematorium but I dictated who was in which car, that it was me and mum in the front row seat…
I know it upset them but I didn’t care…(Mum had also been diagnosed with cancer a couple of months before)
All to say, if you decide NOT to see them its NOT being rude, this is you protecting yourself. Whichever way you do things WE’RE with you in spirit and giving you hugs to keep standing…
The thought of her and meeting up is facing her poss homophobic chat, her poss pushing you to do what she wants…and you’re so lovely you think you need to listen…
You do what you need to do for YOU …if you decide to meet her let whatever she says go in one ear and straight out the other…
If you don’t want to meet her that’s ok too
love and hugs
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I told the funeral director to tell me where to stand, what to do and when.
If you want to be alone apart from them, then do so.
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My Dear Lisa
Others have given advice and I endorse it. Most important on Thursday is YOU. BB has already said she asked the Undertaker to tell her where to stand etc. May I suggest that you have a quiet word with the staff and tell them you would prefer s-i-l to sit at the other end of the bench or chairs rather than close to you. I am sure they would read between the lines and use some gentle ‘direction’ and gestures to point her in the ‘correct seats’…
You don’t have to meet up with them and may I suggest you just say you don’t feel up to meeting and you need time to yourself before Thursday. You don’t need any extra pressure right now.
I think it would be good if you could have a nice big picture of you and Kat at the front when people are speaking. It focusses EVERYONE on the two of you. I hope you have a photo of the two of you on any order of service prepared.
Like others have said, whilst I cannot be with you in person on Thursday (believe me I WOULD if I could) you will be in my thoughts all day and we are all here if/when you need to vent or get some more support. Also remember Kat is always with you and you can never be apart again.
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@LisaP….i agree with bowlingbun, keep strong, sending big hugs
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Foremost in my thoughts today.
Hope you are able to get through the day and S-i-L behaves herself. Remember Kat is always at your side so you are not alone.
Graham sends extra love to you as well.
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Thank you Chris. And thank you Graham.
The day has started a little stressful.
I’m trying to
Let things go over my head.
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@LisaP
Thinking of you today and sending (( hug))
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Close your eyes, take some deep breaths and think of somewhere significant. You can do this for Kat.
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Thinking of you today and sending my best wishes and hugs
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Thinking of you today Lisa and hugs from me too.
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Thinking of you @LisaP and Kat
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@LisaP hope you got through the day. Thinking of you and your family and sending hugs,
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The service was lovely. I am sure Kat would have liked it.
It was peaceful and very fitting for who she was.
People came back to the house and I had some caterers in so that I didn’t have to do anything.
People were very kind.
Thank you all for being with me on this journey. I appreciate you all.
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@LisaP….sending big
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@LisaP Thanks so much for sharing this with us Lisa. Sending hugs over to you.
It sounds like you did a lot to make sure it was what Kat would have wanted, you really did her proud…I’m glad you got caterers in! phew!
We’re still with you and I hope we’ll see you in Roll Call when it feels right for you…we’re always here xoxo
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Hi Lisa.
Back from my Uncle’s farewell too. All went well apart from me being shattered form the driving - must be getting old!
Do remember we are here for you whenever you need to talk or have a moan. I am sure there will be times when you feel low and most of us can empathise with that, so don’t hesitate to turn to us when you need someone. From experience it is often needed after about three months (not sure why). After my Mum died, both his GP and the local Hospice mentioned this to me and sure enough I realised he was struggling around that time. I rang the Hospice and they got someone to call him without saying I’d been in touch and she popped round for a cuppa and he rang me afterwards and told me about the visit and admitted it was just what he needed. He confirmed he’d cried for the first time as he felt he could let go with a stranger. It was amazing how that helped him.
It does sound like you did everything Kat wanted so you should be proud of that. Also having people back to your home is often a good move as it means you have friends around you for a while rather than suddenly going home and facing the house. Clever move to get caterers too!
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