New here (not a carer but hope to get advice)


I hope everyone is doing well in these nasty times. I was refereed here by a friend who has been one hell of a brother lately.

I have been helping my dad in life since i was 14, became a full on NoK and carer for my dad (not a real carer but looked after him nearly 24/7) since i was 18, even with me having my own family and living away my dad was at my house everyday till 11 Pm when he would go home and back at my house at 9-10AM, Very close bond that will never be broken. His other siblings have used and killed his spirit and we have been there to pick him up. My dad ended up in hospital after a fall (think he had a mild stroke but hospital refused to test) family causing problems got my dad in a home and is still there today, they have threw everything out their prams (family and local authority/ social works/care home) as my dad has never had a full on dementia test, just them ones the DR does, no scans or anything even with me requesting these. I’ve gone through all legal ways to get my dad out but the care home/social worker are so dodgy they are making their own laws/rules up.

A solicitor has requested hard facts on why my dad is still in there and has only got “family wishes” no facts, i would point out his first marriage kids had not seen him in just over 20 years, no lie. his daughter disowned him,& his other son only wanted to know when he wanted something off my dad. I’ve gone through so many charities for help and all legal ways from them was ignored as well.

My dad had a advocate that only took notice of my dads other kids so a new one was requested by me so they could listen to us, found out while talking to the new one his a paid to agree to the social worker advocate not in my dads best interests. I was appointed my dads advocate since i was his NoK for continuing care service meeting which favoured in my dad and me that he can still be home cared, this was ignored by family/care home manager/social worker and the new advocate appointed without my permission.

Its a very long story but this is short to see if one might be able to help. no PoA as DR still has the forms as he has been refused to see my dad, just the dodgy home DR. No deputy as that also failed due to lies. no will as well.

Hi John,

if your Dad has not been officially diagnosed with dementia, on what grounds is he being held against his will in a care home - for this to legally happen there has to have been a mental capacity assessment and there must be a DOLS in place. If this hasn’t been done and one is in place, then he cannot be legally held at the care home.

Why on earth do the rest of the family want him in a care home if you are willing to care for him?

If the advocate is not unbiased (which defeats the whole object of them being an advocate(!)) then you could look for an independent one, however this wouldn’t be free.


PS you ARE are carer!!

Hi thank you for the reply.

The only assessment that has been done was done by the social worker capcity one, they used his confusion to get the result they wanted.

The home manager and social worker never took notice of the paper work that me or my wife had to be there to explain and reassure my dad so the proper results can be done.

His family are trying to blame me and my wife on how my dad ended up in hospital which police said was neglect from his then social worker and without a slander case brought onto the local gov.

The DOLS was put in as we was not contacted and papers forged to seem like the advocate seen my dad, so i was told to request a new DOLS on ground of a unlawful decision, i finally got a hold of the new one after the meeting to as why he was still appointed one when i was appointed my dads advocate so this request should have been ignore (which was very fishy as he was put in after the CC meeting) he told me he was a paid to agree advocate for the social worker and that i should seek legal advice asap.

My dads family (if you want to call them that) have never truly treated him like a dad just like they stepped in him. (poo).

I put a complaint in about the attitude of the social worker and had a call from his manager and i gave what she asked and the request for a better social worker was put in, i found out that no record of my complaint or request for a new worker was there so i put another complaint in as he seems hell bent on ignoring my dads rights and well being.

They also ignored video proof of a carer abusing a resident and they made out she was fire yet still is working there at the home and she got promoted.

That’s terrible. Share the video with CQC!

I’ve just made a formal complaint to Social Work England about my son’s useless social workers.
Maybe you should do the same about the ones you have come across.
However, before you do that, make a "Subject Access Request " to the LA concerned. Usually you can do this online, go to the LA website, Adult Services, then Subject Access Request. Google “Information Commissioner” about SAR’s.

I did as i had to report how bad the home was, useless workers just sitting there doing nothing, moaning when they had to do something, ready made meals and a fag break every 5 minutes, the 2 old managers was pocketing money (who are now fired) the list goes on with the problems that made the good carers and homes have a bad name.

CQC had the video by email but LA say that the carer was struck off yet once the home allowed us in (they was allowing my dads other kids in during lock down) we found she was and still if working there and she was even promoted.

SWE has taken over 3 months to respond to me and even then they demanded not request records/logs of the bad LA & SW as their bad emailing service never sent a request email.