Hi I’m Jon a new member.
My Dad has been diagnosed with dementia, a diagnosis he disagrees with. I can guess this really common and part of the illness. The signs are definitely there, I am learning though how to work with him daily. It has been going on for at least a year and half now. And it is progressing. His wife (not my mum) is his carer.
There were some recent ‘events’ with his wife’s family, awful events. Where his wife has now left him in my care with my siblings in a hope to get the social services to assess him and her needs to get some support. This has been going on for 4 weeks now and we are doing what we can for him but none of us live close by and we all have busy lives, so the time we can spend with him is limited.
I really do get his wife’s frustrations and just want to help as much as I can. Still the social services and his ‘dementia navigator’ haven’t put anything in place or even assessed them. My dad’s wife just wants an assessment to take place before she’ll come back. It really is a shambles. The authorities aware of the situation and he is definitely at risk. They have him under special circumstances because his carer is not there. But it really has made no difference.
I guess it varies from area to area but in his area (Barnet and Haringey) the NHS authority discharged him into the care of the local authority/Social services. I assume from there he has to be assessed as an initial starting point. But this appears not to have happened. I don’t know if there is a legal obligation that this needs to take place in the first place?
Also, I feel there will be little that they can offer his wife besides carers support groups. But I will endeavour to work with her to try to get her some one on one counselling if she’ll go. As well trying to organise respite care through day centers for Dad, which he has a negative opinions about, so it will take some convincing.
I really sympathise with your Dad’s wife. I’ve got myself arrested trying to get the legally required care actually provided, but that’s an extreme case. I sympathise with. you too as you have been bounced into this rather than volunteered.
I’m responding quickly so you know there’s someone listening to you and to reassure you there will be plenty of responses from members more focussed on these sorts of issues within the next few hours.
In my experience there are differences between different areas but they’re diffeences between bad, worse and worst, unfortunately. Everything’s underfunded.
Hope you get some more constructive responses soon.
It would help if you could give us a clue about the “awful events”. Is he safe to live in the community any more?
Was it physical abuse, mental abuse, or sexual abuse? Some dementia sufferers lose their inhibitions as a result, which can be very distressing.
What is his GP doing to help?
When was he discharged from hospital?
Did they do a proper assessment and work with Social Services arranging the FREE 6 week Reablement care which he was entitled to?
It may be an “unsafe discharge”.
No one can be FORCED to care, and his wife has voted with her feet, and in many ways, I applaud her courage.
She should have had a Carers Assessment before discharge too. What are Social Services telling you? Dad is a vulnerable adult, and they should be ensuring he is safe, and has enough food etc.
Thanks all so far for the comments. I definitely have some additional reading to do.
Awful events; He said something regarding his daughter in law’s father at a party (he passed some years ago). He was assaulted by some members of the family, as I understand it. Then left on his own in the street. The account is mostly from my Dad and few fragments I’ve managed to glean from the family. But he is pretty consistent in his account. Dad doesn’t want to press charges. I am not impressed and really I am holding my emotions in check. My aim is to keep a level head to get him the help he needs.
His wife, is stuck between a rock and a hard place. She has LPA for him as a primary (I am secondary) so the authorities will only deal with her. Which in her current state and their failures is making matters worse and not helpful.
Some interesting comments around his discharge. I will read through this as we have managed to get an appointment with the hospital for next week. So it will give me something to take with me. The last time he was discharged we were given some leaflets on local groups and some services. That was it.
Thanks all again and for any further comments.
The last time he was discharged we were given some leaflets on local groups and some services. That was it. >
When it comes to hospital discharges , like a red flag to a herd of bulls and … the female equivalent … on this forum !
The other word that spring to mind is “safeguarding”. If you feel Dad and/or his wife is vulnerable in any way, perhaps by neglect, or is in danger, then raise an urgent safeguarding case with the SS. Most councils have policies that say safeguarding will be investigated within 28 days.