Hello everyone

Hi, thought I’d say hello and glad I have found this forum… would like to give some background to our family situation with poor old Dad

Dad has dementia (we’ve not had him diagnosed, but he definitely has dementia)
He also has Heart Failure, the doctors were concentrating on getting him physically better first… in fairness, he is physically loads better… i guess we should now get him diagnosed…

He currently lives by himself (in a warden led Alms House) …one of us offspring see him every day (get him out the house, something to eat and tablets)

As a family we don’t feel it will be too long before he either has to move in with one of us, or a care home…

His personal hygiene is becoming a problem, he’s not allowed care where he lives, patrons need to be independent… not sure how we go about bathing him… I’m not sure any of us are up to it…

I’d love to keep him where he is currently, for so many reasons…

If anyone has any advice, on current or next steps for us, that would be very kind… thank you

If “he is not allowed care where he lives” I’m wondering if that contravenes the Equality Act. Would be worth finding out.
However,from what you describe, he now NEEDS more care than the family can provide, especially long term.
The next step is to ask Social Services to visit him and do a Needs Assessment, make sure you are present, parents often say that they can do things they haven’t done for years.
Then you need to find a care/nursing home that will meet ALL his needs for the rest of his life, so it is his last move. After assessment, Social Services should tell you which local homes they will fund a place in.
Is he receiving Attendance Allowance?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Are you claiming exemption from Council Tax due to Severe Mental Impairment? (This would be much easier with a formal diagnosis of dementia. You need to ask the GP to sort this out).

Thank you… I spoke to my sister and Social Services will be contacted imminently… i guess most of the other things you mentioned will then fall in to place…
Yes, you’re right, we’re just not able to provide the care he needs or deserves…
It’s time stop ‘just coping’ and get more serious about his needs

Thanks again

There comes a time when you have to stop trying to be Superman or Superwoman, and start yelling “Help” as loudly as possible until someone takes notice.
Nothing you can say or do will reverse dementia.
As his nearest and dearest, all you can do is be there for him on his journey, arrange what he NEEDS. No one WANTS residential care, but sadly, there comes a time when 24/7 specialist care is needed, and that can only be provided by a team of people.
It’s just too much for one or two people.
My mum was physically, not mentally frail, she spent the last year of her life in a nursing home.
The hospital told me that her care needs were so high that it wouldn’t be safe for her to return home even with a live in carer.
It will help Social Services if you make a list of all the current things dad is doing that you don’t want him to, and not doing what you do want him to.

That all makes a lot of sense… your advice has been greatly appreciated… the beauty of this forum is that it has real-world stories, which will help all family members… thanks