Hi, and welcome.
Can I take a punt and say that I suspect that of the two problems your partner has - COPD and PTSD - it is the latter that is the ‘most difficult’ for you (and for him??)
I say this because time and time again on this forum it seems that caring for partners (or children) with mental illness is considerably more ‘difficult’ than if they ‘only’ had a physical debility/illness.
The reason is simply that with a physical illness you still have ‘the person’ with you - and they can be ‘on-side’ with you. But with mental illness they are ‘someone else’ and you so often do NOT have them ‘on-side’ - indeed, their ‘opposition’ to your attemtps to help them can be the most difficult thing to cope with at all.
I would most definitely suggest you read through the posts on the Mental Health section at the end of the index on the forum, as there will be a lot of cumulative advise and experience…
One of the THE most important thing - possibly even the absolute priority! - when it comes to caring for someone with mental illness is to understand the HUGE difference between ‘supporting’ them…and only ‘enabling’ them.
The difference is crucial. WHen you are supporting someone the focus is ALWAYS on ‘moving them forward’, helping them ‘get to a better place mentally’, on ‘healing’ them in effect. But when you only ‘enable’ them, then all you are doing is allowing them to ‘stay where they are’. You are supplying their need for ‘someone to look after me so I don’t have to make an effort to improve my mental situation’…you are like a wheelchair that ‘keeps them crippled’…
Sadly, mental illness almost acts, sometimes, as if it were a ‘malign’ version of the patient’s personality - it will ‘fight’ any attempt to help the person ‘get better’. It’s as if the patient simply wants to ‘wallow’ in their own misery, and be helpless and hopeless. You are there soley, in their eyes, to ‘look after them’.
Also, do be aware that those with mental illness can - thanks to the malign impact of their illness - be INCREDIBLY ‘ruthless’ with other people. It’s that their own unhappiness and misery ‘fills the room’ and makes them incapable (or unwilling???) to realise that anyone else has any problems, or even that looking after them is ‘burdensome’ (and yes, caring IS essentially burdensome - as we ALL wish that whoever we care for, for whatever reason they need care, DIDN’T need care in the first place!). Again, the carer of those with MH does need to be careful they are not ‘taken for granted’ and ‘used up’ by their caree.
I do hope, obviously, this is either not so with your partner, or he is aware of the problems HE can create for YOU.
There is a need for compassion, yes - but not ‘endlessly so’. YOU too, have ‘rights’ in life, and you were NOT ‘put into the world soely to look after others’. Whatever you partner CAN do (both mentally and physically), he MUST do - for your sake. (and for his own self-esteem). His attitude ‘makes all the difference’!
Finally, do you have any idea what caused his PTSD, and, even more importantly, is he having treatment for it?? (Not always easy to access on the NHS alas!!!)
PS - you say you’ve left family and friends behind. But I hope you are making NEW friends as well! (And not just ‘online’ ones like us!)
