Need a break

Hello Everyone,

I’ve been caring for my mother for just over a year, with assistance from carers who come in 4x a day.

To say that I’ve found it difficult is an understatement. My weight has ballooned as I’ve struggled to cope. I’ve also been recently diagnosed with being on the autistic spectrum which is exacerbated in this situation. I’ve contemplated suicide several times.

I desperately need a break or the promise of one in the future. Although I have two brothers who live locally, neither will look after my mother if I go away for a break. But my mother will not go into a care home temporarily either. Ideally, I just want time to reclaim what little is left of me and would be quite happy to stay at home.

My mother is due to start physiotherapy again after a couple of false starts and wants to start walking again. I think that going into a care home on a temporary basis would allow me a break, but would it also be a chance to help her to mobiliise? I’m not sure.

I do not have power of attorney, but if I did, would I be able to “force” my mother into a home. I don’t want to and she’s very intransigent and I’m very desperate. I need time alone like I need air to breathe and don’t know how much longer I can carry on.

Do I have any other alternatives?

Would you and your mother consider a carer living in while you have a break. This option works for some. Mother would be in familiar surroundings and you might feel happy she is at home.

I think it would be an exceptional home that offered regular and specific physiotherapy.

If your Mother has capacity,(mental), she can’t be forced to do anything by anybody, but she does need to made to see that her needs sometimes have to come before her wants: if she needs to go into care for a week so that you can have a break then that is what she needs to do.

It’s also true that you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to, no-one can be made to care for anyone else no matter what their relationship is.

I’m currently trying to book some Respite Care for myself, (i.e. put my wife into care for a week or so), it’s not proving easy to do it for a specific date - pretty much every home that’s responded (many haven’t bothered) has virtually said, “wait for someone to die and then we’ll have some space