Care while I have a holiday

Hi ,
Can anyone advise me on arranging some help for my mother while I have a holiday in August . She lives with me and my husband , she’s 92 in June , my husband and I are both in our 70’s . She’s been with us for the last 16/17 years . She can still feed herself ,and see to her personal care, but has a tendency to fall over quite regularly as not too steady on her feet. She also has a pacemaker fitted , but she tends to go dizzy quite often , mostly a daily occurrence.
My husband has trouble getting his breath lately and has to have to knee replacements ASAP . So I need a break :unamused::unamused:Thank you in advance Gill

Surely the time has come for mum to let you retire from caring? She is clearly very elderly and frail, and could benefit from residential care. What is her financial situation?

Hi Gillian … welcome to the canteen.

Even with a Needs / Carer Assessment undertaken by your LA , have you considered the potential cost of replacing yourselves as carers … based on a minimum of £ 15 per hour … and no changes ( BB’s posting , implications ) by then ?

A temporary move into a care home being another option … potentially cheaper.

I will assume that the proposed cost of the holiday will be paid by you … thinking ahead and of adverse consequences when considering the " Deprevation of Assets " problem should a permanent place in a care home be a solution … assuming CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare not an option ?

Do not lose sight of your local branch of AGE UK … a potential problem probably like meat and drink to them ?

Hi Gillian. Care homes in your area will often look after someone for a week or so. You could start by ringing round any local care homes and ask them if they will care for your mum while you’re on holiday. Be prepared to pay £100+ per day. Your mum should pay for her care. Talk to your mum about this idea and suggest a visit first before making any arrangements.

I’m not in the least surprised you need a break!

You only have two options really - as Rhona says, booking her into respite care for a week in a care home, while you are away (or a fortnight if you can!), or booking a private carer to ‘live in’ and do for her what you and your husband do while you are away.

As Rhona warns, both are expensive. Expect to pay at least £100 a day for respite care in a care home, and a little more than that (probably around £120-30) for a live in carer.

Please dont’ think that a care home will be ‘horrible’! A good one will be like a hotel for OAPs…with private rooms, good food, and an entertainment programme every afternoon.

I’m sure your mum is ‘set in her ways’ but you MUST have breaks. At the moment I suspect, sadly, that you are, when it comes right down to it ‘waiting for her to die’. I know that sounds brutal, but fter nearly two decades of her being part of your daily life, and you now WELL into retirement age yourself, you DO need to feel YOU can have YOUR retirement and ‘old age’ yourselves!

Even if you didn’t want your mum moving out permanently, if you can schedule in regular respite breaks that can make your life ‘bearable’ and give you and yoru husband enough quality of life for you to continue to look after your mum and ‘see her out’. The really ‘awful’ thing about caring for our very elderly parents is that these days there is very little to ‘end their lives’…once they have ‘stabilised’ they can go on for years. Of course that is lovely in its own way, but it takes a toll alas…ie, on you.

As for money, if she has any, it’s FAR better it be spent on making YOUR life better NOW…rather than maybe her wanting to ‘save’ it to leave to you!

The older we get the more we realise life is precious, and we can’t ‘wait for ever’ to enjoy what we can.

In your heart of hearts, what would you like to happen in respect of your mum?

What is mum’s own financial position? This is the crucial question. Only mum’s finances matter. Your own finances are not involved at all.

Over £23,000 approximately, she has to fund her own care, either at home, in a care home, or a local hotel.
Under £23,000 then Social Services will pay some, or all of the cost, DEPENDING IN A NEEDS ASSESSMENT.
As a Carer needing a break, Social Services should recognise this need.

Start by contacting Social Services, then you can make clear plans after you’ve had the assessments.
It is time for mum to have a Lifeline pendant, to call help if she falls. SS can arrange this cheaply or free of charge.

Is mum on Attendance Allowance?

Also, remember your mum has NO legal right to live in your house (unless she coowns it??), whatever the SS might like you to think about it. She is NOT entitled to go on living with you if you refuse to have her any longer! I’m not saying you will refuse, but it’s a useful ‘lever’ to weild over SS etc, who would probably prefer you to go on looking after her yourselves ‘for free’ until she dies! Saves them money!

The main annoying problem with booking a care home of YOUR choice is they will only give a week or so notice! Problems we have had …want to book my holiday 6 months in advance! but care homes will not help in that way😌So Social services have to help with that although you don’t get your choice or your mothers choice of home! only consolation being just for a holiday wish you well
With this.

Slightly different angle but falls are very detrimental to elderly in many ways. As your mum gets dizzy, please check that a medication that she is taking is not the cause and that she has the correct equipment to help her like trolly’s, frames etc correctly adjusted for her

Moonlight, as you are in Hampshire like me, have a look at Colten Homes. They have reserved respite beds.

Thank you Bowlingbun for information.

I know it’s good to be able to plan ahead for a holiday, so the last minute aspects of finding a ‘free at the moment’ respite place is annoying, but on the other hand, if you plan around the respite availability first, you may get a much cheaper ‘last minute’ holiday yourselves, even if to somewhere you hadn’t originally thought of!! Usually lots of ‘fly next week’ last minute bargains on the Internet.