New member

Hi all,new member here,just looking for some advice, mothers 87 with slowly worsening mobility issues, I’m finding it hard to work as I need to be home with her to cook/ clean fetch her shopping etc,any advice much appreciated

It’s NOT your job to cook and clean for your mum!!!
I know she thinks you can do it just because she can’t, but that’s not fair.
Inevitably you do more and more, and end up without any life of your own. I’ve been there, done that.

To work out the best solution, just a few questions will help us give you our best ideas that might help.

Is mum OK mentally, or just physically?
Is she claiming Attendance Allowance?

Does she own or rent her home?
Do you live with her, or nearby?

Hi there,yes I live with her, she’s getting very forgetful,she rent’s the property,she isn’t claiming Attendance Allowance

In that case, I would suggest that you put sorting out Power of Attorney near the top of the list of jobs.
Are you aware of the DWP “Appointee” scheme. It enables you to manage mum’s pension and would enable you to claim AA on her behalf. It’s a very long form, most of it is irrelevant and can be skipped, but it does look very daunting.
Is the doctor aware that she is getting very forgetful?

If mum is renting from the council or a housing association, find out asap if you will be allowed to stay there when mum moves into residential care, or dies.
Some carers in your situation have been given notice to leave within four weeks of mum leaving the property, some authorities allow carer adult children to stay. You need to find out about your own situation.
If mum received Attendance Allowance, it could go towards domestic help, making both your lives easier. If mum has under about £23,000 Social Services might contribute too. First, they would want to do a Needs Assessment for Mum.
Has anyone told you that you are entitled to a Carers Assessment as well, from Social Services?

Hello Alan

I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the forum and to highlight some options for connecting with other carers.

Alongside the forum we are running online weekly meet ups for carers to chat to other carers who are in similar situations. You can find the registration information for our Care for a Cuppa session at Online meetups | Carers UK. Please have a look, and feel free to join if you’d like to, there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to. It’s great way to meet other carers and to have a little break and talk to others.

We are also running some Share and Learn sessions too, these range from yoga sessions to dance session, you can find the list of our up coming sessions via the following link: Online meetups | Carers UK

There is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

with kind regards

Hi Alan! I was in a similar situation a few years ago and I want you to be strong. As someone else above stated, it’s truly not your duty to cook and clean the house for your mum and I advise you to find a carer in your location. I don’t know where you’re living, so can’t give any recommendation.