I’m 30 years old and care for my mom who has heart failure and worsening spinal issues. She’s in constant pain and can only do minimal tasks unaided.
I feel trapped. I live with Mom and I feel guilty when I go out (I ask permission, Mom hates that I ask permission as she feels guilty too and says I don’t need her permission).
I have no love life and no prospects of one. I work from home with the option of office working but whenever I plan to go into the office and I look forward to it, something comes up that I need to deal with (council coming to the property or appointments for mom). I feel really angry that I can’t do what I want to do, when I want to do it, through no fault of my own.
How do you cope with having to make so many sacrifices and not get resentful? I love my mom to bits and only want the best for her. She gets annoyed and angry at herself for not being able to do anything and I don’t want her to feel that way, but equally I hate being stuck in this position!
**We do have carers that come twice a day and yes I’ve had a carers assessment.
Yes most of us experience varying degrees of resentment at times.
How about having a particular day/ days when you go in to work routinely and when the council/appointments crop up on that day - you state you are working and rearrange them. The only exception really would be if it’s a consultant’s appointment etc in a clinic that only happens on that day. In that case you then swap your going in to work day for a different one.
As you both hate you asking permission- how about you just tell your Mum you will be going in x amount of time, is there anything she needs by her whilst you are out.
You will feel less trapped if you and your Mum plan for the future, as if her spinal problems are degenerative and non treatable her needs will increase. Would she move into sheltered accommodation/ increase her care package/ move into a care home etc
Hi, sounds like a very tough situation. Glad you’ve come on here as it’s a good place to get some support. Melly has given great advice.
I don’t have much time to be on here tonight. I’ve been caring for my Mum for many years. I’m 40 now and still trying to dig myself out of what feels like a deep pit. I understand the resentment. I’m struggling a lot with that now.
Is work supportive if things come up? My employer has been great for things that come up, but I know other companies can be less supportive. Are you able to use annual leave for the appointments? Definitely would do you a world of good to get into the office. It can be lonely working from home
Take care