Really struggling

I’m 26. My mum has brain damage causing memory impairment due to alcohol and severe anxiety.

I am struggling so much at the minute with her anxiety. She usually goes to a day centre 3 days a week but obviously can’t at the moment due to covid 19.

My mental health has never felt so fragile. The GP has just put my mum on an anti psychotic and upped her prozac but nothing seems to help. She can’t even concentrate on a task for 5 mins because her anxiety is crippling.

She basically can’t rest until her last carers have been to give her medication… Don’t know if anyone else can identify with this?

I don’t know what to do anymore, I try so hard to ease her anxiety.

I need to change her care service too. She is currently on a package provided by the council but they let us down a lot so I want to do the direct payment thing so we can choose the company.

I really want to have my own place soon. I do have lots of guilt and resentment towards my mum and I hate these feelings but I can’t help it, I feel that low.

I don’t know what the answer is, my mum’s anxiety stems from having carers but she needs carers to be looked after and she will need them more so when I move out at some point.

Welcome to the forum. If mum’s illness is self induced due to alcohol abuse, then she has to take the consequences, not you! You deserve a life of your own. Who owns the house where you and mum live?

Hi Rachael

How old is your mum?

I am so sorry that things are so difficult for you.
You are very young to be dealing with all this when you are at an age when you want and need independence and freedom.

You are entitled to that

Getting a Direct payment so that you can choose the care provider is a good way to go.

It is not surprising that you are feeling extra stress at the moment. Day Centres closing have taken the opportunities away from a lot of carers to have some respite.

Do you have any time when you can go for a walk to de stress perhaps when the carers are in to keep your mood up whilst we are in lockdown?

I do that, plus I also have a mini trampoline to exercise to music which I love and gives me a break.

You should not feel guilty about saying to social services that once Corona has passed you need a more long term solution so that you can have a life of your own.

My son is due to go to supported housing and I don’t feel guilty. Not yet, anyway!
It hasn’t happened yet due to Corona.

I am sure others will be along who have advice to offer.

Thank you for your reply. I know, I really want to start my own life now. I love my mum and will always be there to make sure she’s getting the help she needs but she made her choices and I want to make mine, I just feel trapped. It’s a council house in my mums name.

Thanks for replying. My mum is only 61 which is young really. The day centre she goes to the people are a lot older than her but she still likes it which is good.

I try to go for walks and do mindfulness on the headspace app but just feels like I’m in a prison within a prison at the minute with all that is going on.

It’s a council house in my mums name.

Early doors but that word again , SUCCESSION.

One to bear in mind for the future.

Have you made any connections with…

Are you connected to a local carers group.

Do you have any idea why the carers upset Mum. Did she never want them or do their visits cause her stress.

How long has Mum been on Prozac …

I’ll give you a question to consider. Look ahead 5 years. Where do you want to be? Who with? Doing what?

I can’t see how you can realise your dreams unless you and mum separate your lives.
Mum needs some sort of sheltered accommodation where she has the care she needs, maybe even some sort of residential accommodation. Start by finding out what is available in your area.
Where would you live? Investigate that too.

It’s going to take time to find a solution, but start by working out a sort of Escape Plan.
What would you need, beds, furniture, kitchen stuff, etc. etc.
Would you be entitled to Housing Benefit?
Would extra qualifications help your career?


I can understand that.


I am glad you found that helpful.

Thanks for the links

I think you should wait for the time, when your mom will feel good and the happiness will knock your door. Being optimistic is the only thing that can be helpful for cooping such situation.