Mums housing situation

All about caring Young adult carers
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I am extremely annoyed with social services; they have just been useless as ever. Mum has told me that after today’s meeting, they want to move her into a council property to get away from her abuser. I think it is totally wrong. I don’t understand why the family home should come under fire because they can’t deal with things appropriately. Why should mum have to keep moving just to get away from someone? Why should they keep unsettling someone and keep moving them on? The family home is at stake because justice cannot be served, and services are totally inept.

During the meeting, the priority for mums place in Assisted Living was discussed however, there are currently no vacancies at her chosen place. The other places are just not appropriate for her due to the location. Sending her there would take a confused woman with mental health problems into somewhere she doesn’t know. I don’t think it is appropriate either.

In the meantime, her social worker discussed putting her into a council property or a hotel to get away from the abuser. However, that comes with another set of issues, and I don’t think they are dealing with it appropriately instead they are transferring the problem. The home mum currently lives in is a stable privately rented house with affordable rent. The house is in a moderately okay area, and although trouble isn’t unheard of, its generally a quiet area. The trouble tends to come from other areas when it arises which is not rare, not common. It just happens from time to time.

I know for a fact that housing stock is low in the area, and they would end up shoving my mum in a one bed flat in a tower block near the city center or failing that a hotel room. This is the only council property in the area, the rest are either homes or privately rented. Mum has osteoarthritis as part of her disabilities meaning she can’t get upstairs without an aid sometimes. Yet they are considering putting her in high rise flats. I mean seriously.

Alternatively, they could shove her on the estates 10 miles away from her home now, where it takes about three buses to get a pint of milk because there are no shops. Literally. They will not give her a house by any means. The council areas within the city are known for burglaries, drug crime, knife crime the lot. Only in the past week has there been a few murders in these areas due to knife crime.

The fact that they are considering moving her suggests she is vulnerable to abuse, so that begs the question why they would even consider putting her in an area like this. A distant relative (now deceased) used to live in this area, and he was always being burgled. He was targeted whilst he had cancer. Thieves know no boundaries, especially in this day and age.

I also think moving her into another privately rented property would be out of the question. Luckily for us the house mum lives in and is considered a low rent. Put it this way, I pay the exact same for one room as she does for a whole property and her property is in better nick than mine. We live about 5 mins from each other. Then there is the problem of guarantors, we have no family never mind one that owns their own home. Also, a lot of landlords don’t like people on benefits nowadays. We have lived in that property since 2009, making it easier. Its also the case that housing stock is so low that multiple applicants are all competing for the same property. A working family would stump her any day in a landlord’s eyes.

Say they do move her, then what happens if that guy finds out where she is. Its not exactly unheard of. Do they just go through the whole process of moving her again. What if he sees her in the street. Does she have to skip town? The question is where all the money for these removal men comes from. Mum already pays for her carers; she doesn’t have thousands of pounds to keep moving every time she is at risk of abuse by a man who has been identified as a risk and has been convicted multiple times. If she did have it, the council would have had it by now to pay for the care.

I think the ideal solution here is to keep her where she is until the assisted living comes available but place her on a higher priority on the assisted living list. They should also be putting more adequate provisions in place and maybe increase her care hours. She is clearly high risk and I know they can offer those who are high risk the next property that comes available.

I know I sound like a mad conspiracist, but it’s like the blue light services especially the police have given up. Like I say in my area there is so much knife crime, violent murders, violent burglaries, there are gangs beating up innocent people, there is not much evidence against them, but no one does anything.
The police already offer services based on a postcode lottery and I think moving her to this area would just put her at more risk.

I’m so annoyed with social services. I just think they like to take the easy way out. I get the need to move mum on, but if they can’t provide a safe place and ensure her safety and her needs are met. What is the point?

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The real issue about this meeting is that they know mum is a vulnerable adult but didn’t arrange a meeting that you could attend!

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No they never do! I really liked mums previous social worker, she was nice. We got on. She once told me I should be a social worker with the knowledge I have. I obviously said no it’s not for me. Mum also really got on with her too. She was brilliant. She was the one who put the care package in place. She was also the first one to answer back after a year of trying to get them involved.

She knew mums complications and she always knew to speak to mum but then communicate with me after to make sure everything was correct. I didn’t mind because she listened. She also went with mum to her assisted living appointment and got her on that list.

The trouble was she was part of another team. When the care package took over, mums case had to moved on. I get why they had to, but why take away something that worked.

I have tried calling her new social worker today to nothing. I tried the extra care team but they said to speak to the social worker. I will admit I snapped at her the other day because she kept saying mum needed to give permission to speak to me, she already had.

I don’t see why the police aren’t doing anything either. They arrested mum with no evidence whatsoever, yet there is so much evidence that the guy smashed her window. He was seen. Mum told me that the bricks he used hit the windows of another house, but their windows were fine.

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They are just useless. I just think they should be working harder to help her really. They could move her next week and then what happens if a place comes available in a couple of months. They say moving is the most stressful thing and they want her to do it more than once in such a short space of time. Even to a normal person that would be hard. How is she ever supposed to feel settled and feel safe?

Plus it is so expensive, the amount of money it costs to move could easily be better spent. Hundreds of pounds could easily be used for her to go on holiday, or to get her a tablet she can use. It could even get her a new mobility scooter. She should only move once and that is into that place.

I remember when I moved into my place, I struggled so much. I still don’t feel as settled as I would like to be. I mean it’s a place to live, not a home. I only sleep here and maybe watch tv in an evening. I bought new bedding, and I bought a cushion this evening in the shape of a mushroom because I liked it, but it’s only to make things more comfortable.

I just don’t think it’s right to constantly do this. They need better provisions in place really. What js the point of them preaching about domestic abuse when they don’t do anything.

Social services are the worst.

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I agree with you entirely. Do they honestly think mum can pack up her entire house without any help???

Of course, that would then fall to YOU, not them, but they won’t have begun to consider your wellbeing. I think it’s time you asked them for a Carers Assessment so that they must consider you in future, before you reach breaking point!

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Exactly, and I just feel like I am done. It’s not fair and it causes so much stress on my part. I know mum will really thrive in that place and it will give her the stability she needs. She will also be surrounded with vulnerable people like her and will make friends easily eliminating mums need to cure her loneliness and end up meeting d-heads.

I have always said there is a degree of agism with mum too. If she was a widowed 80 year old struggling like she was more people would step into help her, get because she is 56 it is dismissed.

I am so tired too. Tables have really turned the past week sleep wise. I’m now oversleeping and constantly yawning still. One night I went to bed at 9 and woke up at 7.30 the next morning still completely tired. How does that work? I find my dreams are getting more lucid too which demonstrates that something is wrong.

I also got a letter from the hospital yesterday responding to my pcos treatment. It is hardly life threatening, but it occurred to me that I have completely neglected all that. I had my last consultation in November and I knew they said it would take sometime for them to make the next appointment. However, although I considered contacting them to find out what was happening, I never did because contacting a hospital was something I did not have the strength to do.

I can’t help mum no more. I had a carers assessment ages ago and the worker called me earlier this week discussing the police response to mums case. She helped.

Like I have said I hate to sound like a mad conspiracist but it’s like everything is going to crap. Moving mum into council housing will not help her, and I also think they are promising something they cannot provide since I know for a fact that housing stock is so low. They shove homeless people into hotels at the moment until they can move them on. I know that because I know people in them. Even if one comes available it’s hardly going to be much of a choice and she could end up anywhere. To shove her at the other side of the city would do her more harm than good. Again it’s agism, you wouldn’t shove an 80 year old who has lived in one part of the city all her life into an unknown area, again it’s okay for mum. They say she can join coffee mornings and go to cafes but how is she supposed to do that when every place is shutting down due to funding cuts.

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I honestly think they don’t car about my well-being. The past week I have really struggled to cook food after I come home. Tonight was the first night I had.

I can’t remember what happened food wise on Monday, but on Tuesday a new takeaway opened up near me. They were offering 50 percent of gyros. I got two. I didn’t eat one of them and saved it. On Wednesday I ate the second one for tea. On Thursday I bought a drink from McDonald’s and they have the tickets thing on at the moment. I won a Mcplant. I have never had one before but I claimed it and had that for my tea nothing else. It was nice. Tonight after work my sister asked to go to m and s food, we like to go there because they have a great crisps section. I noticed a pasta thing in the fridge on offer and I bought that intending to have it for tea since it was pre-made.

I had to really find the strength to cook tonight. I just about managed it. I had chicken and chips though I wish I didn’t. After a few bites I was really put off and couldn’t eat no more. It is that hard. I have a freezer drawer full of food, and enough to last me for at least another week. However I can’t touch it. The pasta thing will probably be eaten tomorrow because it is simple.

Coming home and cooking is taking up too much effort and it is really draining me. It’s also been a hard week at work this week due to having to do the annual summer guide thing alongside normal duties. I also had to cover a funeral this morning and those things are always hard to cover as a journalist.

I just can’t keep doing this and the trouble is because I work social services see me as able. I am not though, I appear it, but I am mentally stunned. I find things getting harder and harder. My insecurities are getting more and more domineering too. I try to mask them and I do that by making jokes all the time and trying to make people laugh. I manage it but I feel worse afterwards because the insecurities rise again and my head just tells me people are laughing because they feel sorry for you. I never hurt people with the jokes, and I know boundaries but I’m still left feeling horrible about it.

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Absbsnsnmshehshsn hehsbsnnss

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Has your Mum turned up? As a vulnerable person, has she been reported missing?

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I went round this morning for the second time and she was there luckily. She was abit shaken up about what social services said yesterday, but she told me she didn’t want to move anywhere but into that place. I’ve got to admit I agree with her for the reasons I listed above. Mum also said that she didn’t think it was appropriate for her to move out of her home and potentially leave her belongings behind just to please them. I agree with this.

Whilst I was there Mum said she needed some help with her freeview box. When her tv was moved a wire was knocked and it caused some minor damage. The wire was already abit useless in the first place, but fixable. It just needed stripping back. I didn’t mind doing that because I’m okay with dealing with simple electronic fixes. It’s now okay.

I also went to see a friend today and she asked me about the situation. I mentioned the social worker wanting to move her into a new place and even she seemed concerned. She even said that they would end up moving her to a certain street and into a certain block of flats. She said the however block of flats are known for having lift failures all the time. How do they expect someone with her needs to cope in that situation.

She also mentioned the crime rate.

She said that the council could even see mum as being less of a priority for assisted living if they put her in there.

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Glad she turned up. Does your Mum have an advocate?

When are the windows being fixed?

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Hmmm. Does the abuser live with your Mum? Can she not get a non molestation order?

Do you not have a Domestic Abuse agency you can contact?

Our LA absolutely do not move people out unless it’s absolutely necessary. There is a thing called the Sanctuary scheme up here where they target harden the property, extra locks, CCTV, films over the windows etc. Look into it.

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