Does anyone have any idea of how things proceed if my mother is not deemed to have ‘mental capacity’ as her GP is due to visit today?
There is no POA in place.
Her neighbour is ‘next of kin’ and Executor of the Will’.
Her house is rented so she would NOT be self funding if a Care Home was considered the best place.
I live 2 hours away and do not drive. There is no relation who would ‘step in’ as I am an only child and her brother is 80 and in poor health. When would the Court of Protection get involved? I would imagine that Adult Social Services Safeguarding would become involved. Do they have a legal obligation to liaise with the nearest relative? I cannot get involved as my husband does not even know my mother and I are in contact. My mother does not have my landline. The neighbour has my mobile but I have asked her NOT to pass my details on.
I realise I sound hard but my husband is 86 and very difficult. I just cannot sleepwalk into trying to care for two elderly people who hate each other and wont be bullied into having a breakdown by trying to do this. My mothers neighbour is fantastic and has promised to let me know how things go - we text and she has my email. However I am worried that if my mother thinks her neighbour was involved in getting the GP out then their relationship will break down totally. My mother has already accused her neighbour of wanting to put her in a home when she took her to hospital appointments. We have tried to get her to accept help as in a cleaner or a carer - her neighbour thinks she is overclaiming benefits given her savings so I honestly do not know why she is so against paying for help.
As an only child I do feel guilty, but even without my husband I would struggle to help as I think she needs day to day help and support not a flying visit from me. I cannot leave the house for more than a couple of hours.
From what I remember from long ago, If mum is deemed to be a danger to. Herself and others she can be removed to “a place of safety”. There may be a Best Interests meeting involving various people. Hampshire has a Clients Affairs Team to manage the money of people without a friend or relative to do this. Have a look at mum’s LA’s website, or perhaps the Help the Aged website who do various information sheets. Also email our CUK Helpline who can give written advice. You cannot be forced to do anything. If Eileen is worried about mum she needs to ring Social Services not you. I hate saying this but maybe you need to block her number so she has to ring Social Services. Do SSD have your details?
@bowlingbun I have asked Eileen not to give my details out to SS. She became ‘Next of Kin’ back in 2021 because the Surgeon who operated on my mother could not get in contact with me. I want to liaise with Eileen because she has been a total diamond and I have met her when she has driven my mother down. I am happy to offer her support as she wants to keep me ‘in the loop’ which actually is very kind of her. I never answer my mobile as it is on ‘silent’ but we do text and email.
I suppose the main thing for me right now is not to get ‘drawn in’ as it is likely to get very messy if my mother has been overclaiming benefits. I am not sure what will happen if she does not let the GP in but at least this should be a ‘red flag’. Eileen actually contacted Adult Social Services Safeguarding last Wednesday - she had discussed doing it over a few weeks and I did encourage her to go ahead. I think she wanted me to see my mother as arranged so I could see how much she had gone downhill but tbh I had picked it up from the weekly phone call.
I will go and have a look at the Age UK fact sheet so at least I can get a handle on what the next stage might be. Of course if she is deemed to have ‘capacity’ this would be a nightmare as I think her relationship with Eileen, who is her only form of support, would totally break down if she thought Eileen had got the GP involved.
Your mother is responsible for the position she is in, not you or Eileen.
As I understand things, even if mum has defrauded DWP, by accident or deliberately, it should not affect the care she receives from Social Services after a Needs Assessment and financial assessment. Assessed needs must be met but if she has over £23,000 she would be expected to pay for everything. The council could go through the court to recover money, if she steadfastly refuses, but that is highly unlikely. You would not be involved.[quote=“bowlingbun, post:4, topic:127397, full:true”]
Huge sigh of relief. GP came out and Eileen was there - my mother not happily initially. GP thinks she has some capacity but limited. So a daily Carer is going to be implemented plus referral to the Safeguarding Team. Medication review plus head scan and Memory Clinic. He has asked if she would allow Eileen to discuss issues with the Surgery and she said yes so Eileen is organising a letter. GP reassured her that if she works with them, the intention is to keep her in her own home.
Eileen has gone through the fridge with Jill and got rid of all the out of date food.
Can only say how tearful I feel at the moment. OK I know things can still and probably will go wrong but she is ‘in the system’ and hopefully Eileen can step back as now help is being put in place. It is good that she still is prepared to be involved given how Jill has treated her.
@selinakylie glad the GP came out and was allowed to do the assessment. Phew. Although having “some” capacity is such a grey area isn’t it? Like my mum - has she or hasn’t she?
Anyway your Mum’s neighbour sounds like one in a million, I don’t know of any neighbours who would do so much. Your Mum’s situation has been brought to the attention of the right people and they are putting some safeguards in place. That’s a good result IMO. And breathe……..
@selinakylie…ahh that’s amazing news that mum is going to have a daily carer and is being referred to the safeguarding team. That must be such a relief for you.
Mental capacity is decision specific, so a “general” assessment like this doesn’t really help as much as it might iwthout knowing what questions the GP was working to.
That said, it’s clear that there are sufficient concerns that the GP is getting the safeguarding team involved. This should be to drill down into making sure just what capacity your mum might have, and when she’s most able to make decisions (my mum was always very confused after a nap - it took 1-2 hours to get any sense out of her after that). It’s likely to take some time, but at least people are involved as long as your mum accepts them.
@Charlesh47 I agree but the medical profession always say that ‘mental capacity is fluid’. TBH I am relieved that they did not section her but this is partially due to the lack of ‘geriatric mental health beds’. I suppose my concern is that Eileen will be ‘in the firing line’ as ‘next of kin’ if for example, the Carers cannot get in. I had this with my late father - being phoned to ‘go round’ if he would not take his medication or eat. One actually told me I had to go round and get him to take the medication. I am afraid I told her to phone the GP and get it on record. But at least she is in ‘the system’. Eileen can speak on her behalf so if the Carers are concerned then this can be filtered back to the GP. I am not sure how long it takes for Adult Safeguarding to click in but hopefully they will be more used to doing capacity assessments.
I am really relieved but yes Eileen is 78 and it worries me greatly how much she is doing for my mother. But at least if she wants or needs to back off we have some kind of ‘safety net’ in place. I feel that a home would be the best place but my mother is so against this.
@selinakylie I’m glad the GP was able to see your Mother and that a daily carer is going to be implemented plus the Safeguarding Team getting involved.
It’s so difficult with ‘limited capacity’, as it’s a very general term and can be interpreted to mean whatever the person making a decision wants it to mean.
However, it’s a positive first step for all of you. I hope you feel as though at least someone is listening now that she is in the system.
@EEG Maybe the GP felt out of his depth and at least the Safeguarding Team have more experience. Eileen is a retired nurse so I am sure she can and will ‘red flag’ any issues. I think tbh so much will depend on if my mother co-operates with what is put in place. But yes I am relieved. Not just for myself but for Eileen too.
