Help I need advice

25th March my Mums carers stopped attending. Her GP assessed her and stated she did not have capacity. She was to go into a care home for respite with a view to stay there on a permanent basis. A resident had tested positive for COVID-19 so I brought my Mum home with me. Not ideal as she has dementia, is severely sight impaired and urine incontinence. After things started easing we contacted Social Services and a social worker came to visit. She assessed my Mum and declared she had capacity and told her she could go home if she wanted with 4 half hour carer visits a day again. I am exhausted and told her that I would not be carrying on with caring for my Mum. I have LPA so would carry on paying bills and any receipts but that would be the full extent of my involvement. I would no longer support her to stay in her own home as she cannot watch TV, cannot read and would be alone for 22 hours a day I feel I cannot agree to such an unsafe arrangement. She is on the shielding list and cannot even see to socially distance herself from others. She is prone to falls and I think she would be unsafe and a danger to herself. Some days she does not know who I am, Sometimes cannot tell the difference Between night and day and cannot see to use incontinence products without help. Social worker said if she has capacity so she can make her own decisions even if those decisions put her at risk. I’m running on Adrenalin now and so stressed. I’ve been caring for my Mum for the last 10 years. I live 28 miles away from her and havent had a holiday for 11 years.
Is the social worker right. Is she calling my bluff and hoping I will start caring for my Mum Again in her own home. It’s been a long 10 weeks and I cannot think straight.

Hi Karen

Sorry you’re going through this, it sounds exhausting. Covid has made caring so much more difficult for many carers, I’m sure many here can understand what you’re feeling.

You clearly need help. I would recommend you call our advice line on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm and find out what you’re entitled to and can ask for.

It’s important to look after yourself as well and try and take breaks. Carers UK are running weekly online meet ups for carers to chat informally and support each other, you’re very welcome to join. Sign up is here:

Best wishes


Yes! They will do absolutely anything possible to shift the load onto you, it’s not right, it’s not nice, but it’s what they do, over and over again.

Is a Social Worker able to overrule a GP’s assessment is the question that I’d be asking.

Hi Karen,
The GP has known your Mum a lot longer than the social worker. Her assessment sounds like it has been influenced more by cost than anything else.

There is information here on how to challenge a mental capacity assessment

The Guide for social and health care workers on MCA states;

The test to assess capacity You will not normally make an assessment of capacity without involving family, friends and/or carers or an Independent Mental Capacity Advocate (IMCA) if one has been appointed (see part eight). This will depend on the situation and the decision that needs to be made.


Thank you!

… to you all for your advice. I did ring the Carersuk help line. I now know I can appeal against the decision but at the moment I do not have the energy. My asthma has become worse in the last 2 weeks probably because of the stress and anxiety of our situation but maybe just because of the high pollen count. What ever the cause Asthma is the last thing I need with a deadly respiratory virus in our midst so I must think of my own health first. My GP has referred me for counselling and I have phone appointments to deal with my Asthma as I am usually very good at controlling my symptoms.

My Mum is going home this week with lots of support and as I am now too ill to be a carer Social Services will have to take on the task. I am in touch with My Mums GP Practice team who assure me they will monitor her health. On a positive note my Mum seems ecstatic she is going home although adversely she has become more nasty, hurtful and accusing than ever.

Hopefully we will all live happily ever after!

I’ve seen the film, I’m still waiting for it to be on News at Ten. :wink:

Karen, I’m glad mum is going home, so that you can look after yourself much better.
Inevitably, this won’t quite be the end of it all, so be strong and don’t allow mum to have the upper hand any more.
When it goes wrong next time, and sadly there will be a next time, tell the carers they must contact Social Services, they arranged it, they must sort out any problems.
Leave your answerphone on 24/7.

I’m used to running my own business and dealing with regulatory and legal requirements. I’m used to health and safety coming first and if dealing with a person with a severe disability such as blindness then that would form the basis of any decisions I would make if their welfare was involved. This is the world I am used to.

I actually feel we have been conned by the system. I think back to the conversation and wonder if I was subjected to psychological negotiating techniques that are learnt on a training course somewhere. I feel I have been missold something or short changed and all the while it was wrapped up in something that was labelled Social “Care”. I can’t believe I was treated this way when both my Mum and I were at our lowest point in life.

I’m forewarned now and yes, thank you, knowledge Is power and I’m going off grid for the foreseeable future.