Im looking after my mum and feeling so lonely. Ive nowhere to go. Im 42 guy and its hard for guys to meet new folk but add being a career im f××ked. If you said at 17 when I left school I would be single n depressed I would have laughed at myself. Its not great. I feel like my life is ruined
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Tell us about your caring role.
@Research_cake_earth ….welcome to the forum. Hopefully you’ll find this a great place where you can chat as and when you want to to people who are going through the same as you.
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@Research_cake_earth Welcome to the forum. It’s not a role any of us would have auditioned for…! Join us for a chat over on roll call.
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Thanks for the warm welcome. Just been feeling really down and so lonely the past week and was just getting to me coz i bottle everything up.
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If you tell us what help mum needs and why, we may be able to make some suggestions to help.
I basically do everything. Its difficult. Anything that needs done i do.
Hi.
Caring is often the loneliest job in the world but few understand that.
I only cared for my husband for four years, but in that time I/we lost most of our ‘friends’ because we/I could not go out to socialise. Many did not understand the effort required for him to get ready and get to a pub or restaurant and the fact it left him completely drained the next day. During any trip out I was on edge and constantly on the alert for problems or for him becoming too tired. Again hardly anyone saw that because they did not know the signs like I did.
Since Graham died in December, I’ve been trying to spread my wings a little (OK the holiday I took was more than “a bit”) and now I am home I am planning to get new social circles so I can enjoy myself.
I think you’ll find everyone here can empathise with you as we’ve all been there and bear the scars.
All I can suggest is you try to find a local support group - I joined a Walk and Talk Group organised by our local Carers’ Support Centre and once a week went for a walk for an hour. It really helped me just to know I was NOT alone. OK for that time you have to find someone to ‘sit’ but take it from one who nearly killed himself with Caring (my GP’s words not mine 
) you need that step back. I was lucky and had the dog to walk each day, but that wasn’t quite enough.
Please do make contact with your local Carers’ Support Centre. They WILL help. Have you had a Carer’s Assessment? If not ask for one - from Support Centre or Local Council. You are entitled to it and you may get funding help to achieve some activity to help you. It also highlights you as being a Carer.
Is your GP aware of your Caring Role? If not make sure they record the fact on your Medical Notes as well as on Mum’s.
I know it’s very hard for guys to make new friends - and I agree as a male Carer you are F’d - that’s what I found too.
If you feel up to it, please share details of what you do and the problems it causes you. You will find that this Forum is a Gold Mine of information and advice - without judgement or prejudice.
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Thanks so much for the information etc. Yeah the doctors know about it been getting help occasionally from them with my mental health and have been in contact with my local carers centre. Ive not done it in a good while. Should really get back in contact with them.
Every day im slowly getting more like myself again but just been trying to keep myself and mind busy
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You deserve regular time off. Just because mum needs support doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself.
Hi @Research_cake_earth I have split your posts from the Wits end thread and given you your own thread, so people can get to know you.
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Thats fine. Thanks so much. It means alot
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This forum is great when you need to “chat” , get advice or have a really good meltdown. You know everyone else on here is / has got the same issues. It stops us going mad and thinking we are just “moaning “
People who haven’t been in those situation, don’t fully understand how draining it can be.
Welcome to the forum x
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Ive been having a wee nosey around. Looks like a great resource. Thanks for the warm welcome
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Hiya , like the user name unusual ,you must like cake. What is your favourite. I’m popping by to say Happy Easter .i hope that you have a nice day .and the sun is out where you are . U take care.
@Kazzy65 , amen to that.
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@Research_cake_earth welcome to the forum.
Its so hard when you feel so alone and like you have no-one to talk to. But you’ve started posting and I think that will start to bleed off a bit of the frustration and loneliness.
As you give us more information on your situation, we can give you a bit more guidance and support. There are some REALLY knowledgeable people here who can signpost you to organisations to help if thats what you want.
I think many of us look at where we have ended up and wonder how on earth that happened (i always thought id marry young and have children but im now in my 40’s with medical conditions that means that will never happen, without considering that im a carer for my partner in pretty much a ‘dormant’ relationship)
You are not alone and you can still change things just by reaching out
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@BeccaP , you’ve summed up the lifestyle of many unpaid carers. I was in that same boat as well. I too have health problems and I’d would’ve like to have got married (all my mates are) but, it didn’t work out.
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@JohnnyBoy you never know Johnny .you never know what’s round the corner so to speak.
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@Teddybear , I’ll bare that in mind.
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